Before she could stop him he was actually on his knees.
‘Get up, Matt.’ She aimed a punch at his shoulder that landed with rather more force than she had intended. ‘Get up. You’re confusing me.’ This was all too much for Beth, and she burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.
He was on his feet in a second, holding her, and she broke down in his arms. He let her cry, gripping her tightly until the tremors that racked her body started to subside. Finally she took a deep breath. ‘Okay, then. Let’s talk.’
They sat, staring across the coffee table at each other for what seemed like an age. Finally Matt cleared his throat. ‘I’ve lied to you, Beth. I lied to everyone. But I want to change all that. You made me want to change.’
‘How did you lie?’ A sudden calm had settled on her. What was this big secret that he just couldn’t keep any more?
‘When Mariska died, there was someone else in the car. Her producer was also killed outright in the crash. He was her lover.’
‘What?’ Beth’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Why would she, Matt? She had everything—you, Jack. What could have possessed her to do such a thing?’
‘She didn’t think so.’ Beth went to protest, but he held up a hand to silence her. ‘Let me tell you, Beth, while I still can. There were other affairs. I knew about them. When she was killed and it was all in danger of becoming public knowledge, the production company hushed it up and I helped them. I didn’t want Jack to know.’
Beth stared at him in disbelief. ‘You…How long, Matt?’
‘It was after Jack’s second birthday party. She turned up late, as usual, and done up to the nines, then spent half an hour on the phone in the bedroom. I confronted her about it and she told me. She said that she loved me, and she loved Jack, but she wanted more. She was bored.’ His gaze fell from her face and his shoulders began to slump.
‘Go on. Don’t stop now, I want to hear it all, Matt. I think I may need to hear it.’ He needed to tell it as well.
His gaze swept up again and he nodded. ‘We didn’t argue. If she had shed one tear I would have known that there was something still there to fight for. But there wasn’t. We made a bargain. Mariska’s new show was just about to go to air, and she didn’t want the complication of a divorce just then.’
‘And you didn’t want to lose Jack.’ Beth knew that Matt’s first thought would have been for his son.
‘She was never there and I knew that wouldn’t change if I left. He’d just be looked after by nannies, with his mother making an appearance every now and then, a new man on her arm each time. The bargain was that she would keep her affairs discreet, and that I’d look after Jack. It suited both of us.’ He shot her an imploring look. ‘Can you ever understand that?’
‘No. I can’t understand what she did, Matt. And I can’t understand how you found the courage to stay. But I respect you for doing so. You’ve made Jack’s life whole, instead of allowing it to be destroyed by something that was beyond your control.’
He stared at her, as if he didn’t comprehend a word that she was saying. ‘But I lied, Beth. I’ve been lying to him and to you.’
‘Yes, you did. But Jack’s not ready for something like this. Maybe someday he will be. It’s got to come from him, though, and until he’s ready it’s no one else’s business. Not the press or anyone’s. Certainly not mine.’
‘It is your business, though. I let it drive a wedge between us and didn’t tell you any of the things that you deserve to hear.’ He shrugged. ‘But when it finally came to leaving you, I couldn’t do it. I sat out there in the car and I couldn’t drive away. Not until I’d at least tried to explain to you.’ His shoulders slumped again. He’d done what he came to do and he seemed completely drained by the effort.
Comprehension curled guiltily around her stomach. He thought it was his fault. Beth heaved a sigh, trying to goad her lungs into breathing without effort. ‘It takes two, Matt.’
‘No. No, Beth, don’t try to absolve me—’
She cut him short with an impatient gesture. ‘You’re not the only one who’s had a reason to be afraid. I have, too. I was going out with someone…before.’
His head snapped back up again, his gaze searching her face. ‘Beth, I’ve come to realise something. It’s not the secrets that keep us apart. It’s that we daren’t trust each other enough to talk about them. Please tell me.’
He was right. Beth knew she had to tell him, however difficult it was. ‘We were engaged. He broke it off, because…because…’ Her chest started to heave.
‘It’s all right, sweetheart. Take it slow if you need to.’
‘He broke it off because he didn’t want deaf children. He said…’ Beth shrugged, and fell silent.
There was a long moment of quiet and then Matt held his arms out towards her. ‘Here. Don’t suppose you have a pair of handcuffs on you?’
‘No.’ She giggled, despite herself. ‘Surprising as that seems. Why?’
‘Because I think there’s something in the Hippocratic oath that precludes finding people and breaking their legs. I might need a little help restraining myself if I’m to do this idiot no harm.’ He rose, and perched himself on the coffee table in front of her, taking her hands in his. ‘Look, Beth. If there’s something that comes between us I want it to be about us. Not Mariska. Not…what’s his name?’
‘Pete.’ Matt’s eyes were like pools of deep blue water. Warm. Safe. No rocks lying jagged under the surface. She could trust him. ‘Anyway, no leg-breaking. You’re just as bad as Marcie.’
‘I’ll exercise every last scrap of self-control. So what did Marcie have in mind?’