Letting You Go (Stone Lake 1)

“Is that what this is about?” I ask, pulling away to look at him.

“This?”

“Did you just invite me out here to see if you could ‘defrost the icebox’, Gavin?”

“Guess you’ve heard that talk, too,” he responds, but at least he doesn’t sound like he’s laughing at me. He even sounds a little… pissed.

“Half the boys that ask me out do so on a dare and a bet.”

“I’m not one of those boys, Luna. Don’t get me twisted up with them in that pretty head of yours.”

“Okay,” I answer quietly, noting that he doesn’t sound a little pissed now. Gavin is simply angry.

“Larry Richards needs his ass kicked,” he mutters, and I don’t respond to that—mostly because I feel that way too.

“You’re upset,” I dare to mention.

“Well, yeah, I am. I just meant to show you that you were waiting for Mr. Perfect to come along and he doesn’t exist. Your dreams and mine are way too different.”

“I wasn’t waiting for Mr. Perfect, Gavin.”

“Who were you waiting on then?” he asks.

I want to tell him the truth. I want to confess that I’ve been waiting for him, but I don’t. He probably would think I’m insane then—or run the other way.

“Mr. Perfect-For-Me.”

He looks at me stunned for a minute before his lips spread into a full grin. I can see them perfectly from the light of the moon that’s come back out from behind the clouds. I see him and he’s beautiful. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than Gavin smiling at me like this and his eyes crinkling in the corners.

“What are your dreams, Gavin?” I ask him.

“Not waiting around for Mr. Perfect-For-Me, I can tell you that.”

“That’s good, because he’s going to be a little busy with me if he ever shows up.”

“I…” he stops when he realizes what I said and it seems impossible, but that grin deepens.

“It takes a lot of work to defrost an icebox, you know.”

“Smart ass.” he laughs, leaning down, and my eyes seem to get trapped in his heated gaze. His head bends down closer and my breath stalls in my chest.

This is it.

This is the moment I’ve been waiting for my entire life.

Gavin Lodge is going to kiss me.

My very first kiss.

My eyes start to close, as I tilt up towards him.

And then….

Gavin kisses my forehead.

Disappointment feels like a living thing inside of me. I swallow it down and the hurt I feel too. I’m left feeling confused, and I pull back to ask Gavin what’s going on, but he wraps a strand of my hair around his finger, not allowing me to withdraw.

“You’re dangerous, Luna,” he whispers. I frown in response, having no idea what he means.

Before I can ask, he shifts us so that I’m once again lying on my side and he’s spooning me as we look out over the lake. We lie in silence like that for a bit, and I enjoy being in his arms. That’s enough for now.

It has to be.

“The moon is beautiful,” I whisper sometime later and more to myself than Gavin. He’s been quiet for so long now, that I figure he might be asleep.

“Whenever I look at the moon,” he responds, “I always think of you.”

“Because of my name.” I smile, liking his answer.

“Everyone looks up at the sky and wishes on the stars, gets lost in them, but it’s the moon that is the queen. The moon controls so much, keeps everything in balance and she does it without realizing it, without drawing attention to herself.”

“That makes you think of me?”

“Trust me, Luna. The moon may have a gravitational pull that controls the ocean, but your pull is just as strong.”

His words move through me slowly, sinking in. They feel huge. They feel deep and thoughtful and they’re so beautiful I can’t wrap my mind around them. We fall silent for a little longer. I can feel myself drifting off to sleep, but before I do, I have to ask one more time.

“What are your dreams, Gavin?”

“To graduate and leave Stone Lake and the entire state of Maine behind in my dust.”

“Where would you go?” I ask, hating the idea of him leaving.

“Anywhere the road takes me,” he says.

“You wouldn’t miss Stone Lake?”

“Not even a little. Although after tonight…”

“Yeah?” I whisper.

“After tonight, I’ll miss the lake part of it for sure,” he says.

I look out over the water and think about his answer, but Gavin’s not done.

“And I’ll miss a beautiful girl with sunny blonde hair and green eyes, who feels really good in my arms.”

“Gavin…”

“And I know that whenever I look up at the moon, I’ll never fail to think of her.”

I like that. I like that he says it, and more importantly, that he feels that way.

I like it a lot… but at the same time, for some reason, it makes me unbearably sad.