I don’t know how to respond. So, I say nothing.
Eventually, I fall asleep and I do it in Gavin’s arms. He might want to leave Stone Lake behind, but as for me, right now I want nothing more than to stay here forever.
Here, in Gavin’s arms.
Chapter Seven
Luna
“I can’t believe you spent the night with Gavin Lodge!” Jules squeals.
I blush, feeling warm all the way through. I look down at my hands and I smile. I can’t stop myself from grinning. Gavin held my hand. I laid my head on his shoulder. He talked to me. He likes me. But…
“What if he goes back to ignoring me, Jules?” I ask, terrified that he will. Terrified that Friday night was merely a fluke.
He didn’t kiss me. He had to know he could. He didn’t even try. We stayed out alone all night, hugged up together on the dock and he didn’t try… anything. That can’t be normal. It wouldn’t be with any other guy I know and not only because I’ve become a challenge to see who can “defrost” me. Besides Gavin was held back a year. He’s a year older than me and the guys in my classes. I know it’s a year, but he has to be used to girls who…
Aren’t scared virgins like I am.
An insecure virgin.
“Oh, come on! No guy like Gavin Lodge is going to spend the night with you and not follow up. Not happening chick, especially if he didn’t hit it.”
“I—”
“Oh my God! You didn’t give him your V-card did you, Luna?”
“No,” I mutter.
“You so should have. I would if I were you. Gavin has to be better than Toby Drysen who I gave mine too,” she says with a sigh.
“He didn’t even try to get to second base, let alone punch my V-card,” I confess, almost lying. What I tell her is the truth, but it’s not quite. I’m kind of sketchy on exactly what first, second and third base are. I’m pretty sure that Gavin didn’t even try to get to first base though. I don’t want to tell Jules that, so I tell her he didn’t try to hit second. I have no idea about any of this crap, but I don’t want to look stupid. I get whispered about enough. People think I’m a freak. I’m not. I just want my first time to be with someone I love.
With Gavin.
I’m not a cold fish, and I’m definitely not clinging to my virginity.
“He didn’t even try to touch you?” she asks, sounding way too surprised. She stares at me, and I feel so uncomfortable I squirm on my bed.
Obviously, we made it back from the campout without my parents finding out and the end of the world happening. It’s Saturday night now and Jules is sleeping over at my house and we’ve vegged out watching movies and scarfing down popcorn and candy all evening. I wish it was Sunday. I already want to see Gavin again, and I know that’s not going to happen until time for school. I’m scared about what’s going to happen, but I can’t wait either. I’m a spaz.
The thought makes me smile and I look down at my hand.
The hand that Gavin held…
I keep repeating that, mostly because I can’t get over it. My hand feels different. Sometimes I can almost feel Gavin’s hold… even now.
“Luna?”
“What?” I ask, totally distracted and imagining Gavin’s hand on mine.
“Did he try to touch you?”
“Of course. I mean he held my hand and he kept his hand on my stomach the whole night, holding me close to him,” I tell her, my voice sounding more than a little dreamy as I think of the way he held me.
“He didn’t feel you up?”
“What?”
“He didn’t like grab your boob? Put his hand down your pants? Nothing?” she asks, clearly not impressed.
Those insecurities I’ve been having all come raging to life full force now.
“Well… no.”
“That’s not good,” she mutters.
“It’s not?” I ask, panic thick inside of me as my heart squeezes painfully in my chest.
“Not at all? A guy like Gavin who is rumored to have been with over half the girls at Garrad County High? So not good, Luna.”
I ignore her words about the many girls that Gavin has probably slept with and how bad that makes me feel. Instead, I let the fact that she’s obviously thinking something is wrong as well to feed my panic.
“Do you think it means he’s not really interested in me?” I confess my biggest fear.
“I don’t know,” she says, almost guiltily.
“Crap,” I moan, and I fall headfirst on the bed, burying my face in my pillow, suddenly wanting to cry.
“I mean you would think he’d have to be interested to single you out,” she soothes, trying to reassure me. I feel my hope trying to come back to life and then, the next instant, Jules snuffs it out. “Unless he was just trying to piss off Atticus.”