This is Gavin.
I’m safe.
“Then, why didn’t you… you know?”
His mouth moves into a small smile and he leans down kissing my lips just briefly.
“Moonbeam—”
“Don’t you want me, Gavin?” I ask quietly, voicing my biggest fear.
“Don’t be crazy, Luna.”
“I’m serious. We’ve been together for a long time now. I gave you the go ahead, guys are supposed to…” I stop talking, blushing so deeply in color that the heat washes over my body. I don’t know what else to say, I’m feeling uncomfortable and more than a little stupid.
“Babe, we’ve talked about this. You’re not just some quick lay to me. Until you’re ready, I can wait.”
“Gavin—”
“Luna, I’d wait forever for you.”
“I just…”
“Your hand is on my cock, Luna. You feel how hard I am right now. You have to know how much I want you.”
“Then, why didn’t you?”
He rolls over on his back and looks up at the ceiling. I feel bad, afraid that I ruined the moment.
“I’m sorry, Gavin. I’m just being silly,” I tell him, draping half over him, my hand going to his face. I put a little pressure on it, trying to bring his gaze back to mine.
“Luna, if you knew how much I wanted you, it would probably terrify you.”
“But—”
“I didn’t take it farther with you, because I refuse to take your virginity while we’re in your friend’s bed, and I don’t get to hold you all night long.”
“Oh…”
“You’re special, Babe, and I haven’t waited all this time to not make it special for you when it happens. If you’re sure that you’re ready to take the next step, then we’ll plan, and I’ll make sure I have everything in place to take care of you.”
“Everything in place?”
“Condoms, Luna. I don’t have any tonight.”
“Oh, crap.”
“I’m not going to risk getting you pregnant,” he says adamantly.
“I like babies.”
“Right now, you having a child is the absolute worst thing that could happen.”
“Gavin—”
“I’m serious, Luna. We’re going to be leaving everything behind. I’ll have some money saved up, but not a lot. We’ll have to make it stretch until we have a regular income coming in. I think I can find a job pretty easily, but still it will be hard for the first couple of months and even then, it will be harder than anything you’ve been used to in your life.”
“I’m not stupid, Gavin. I know it will be hard, but I will work too. You don’t have to do everything on your own.”
“I know that, Moonbeam. I’m just saying there’s no way a baby will fit into our plans.”
“Yeah, I mean I’ve just turned eighteen, I’m not ready to be a mom for sure, but…”
“But, what?”
“You do want kids someday, don’t you?”
“I never really thought about it. I think once I would have said no way…”
“But, not now?”
“Now? After you? Loving you? It’d be a shame if you didn’t pass all that love on to a child.”
I place a kiss on his chest, letting my fingers move over his stomach as I stare into his blue eyes. “I love you,” I respond, not sure of what else to say, my heart feeling way too full.
“But kids are something we should think about and plan, Moonbeam. I want to get us settled. I’d like to have a career that will support us, a home—a nice one like the one you live in.”
“Gavin, I’m not waiting that long to belong to you. I want you to be my first.”
“You’re crazy if I’d let anyone else claim you, Luna. You’re mine. I’m going to be your first and last. We’re going to last forever.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“I’m serious. If we have problems, we talk them out. We learn from the mistakes our parents have made.”
“Okay, so when? Because, I have to warn you, Gavin, if you don’t make love to me soon, I’m going to catch you sleeping and attack you.” He laughs, as I intended him to do, but I’m not really joking either.
“How about prom?”
“Prom? Isn’t that a tad cliché?” I laugh, my body warming at the heated look in his eyes.
“Maybe but ask me if I give a fuck? Your mom already thinks you’ll be staying over at the all-night party the school is having afterward. We’ll check in and then sneak out. I’ll take things from there.”
“You’re serious?”
“Oh, yeah.” He grins and I frown at him. “What’s wrong?” he asks, confused.
“Prom is like two weeks away,” I whine. “I don’t want to wait that long.”
“Do you want my hand again? Or, I could give you my mouth.”
“Your mouth?” My body tingles by the promise of that. I’ve always felt uncomfortable around boys. Gavin’s not just any boy. I love him, but still, it’s scary thinking about standing in front of him naked, baring myself to him.
What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not as pretty as the girls he’s used to?