“Don’t you love me anymore, Luna? Are you done with me?” I question her, and I can’t keep the pain out of my voice. I don’t even try to. I let her see it.
“Of course I do. Gavin, I love you so much. I’m just trying to protect you,” she cries, tears streaming down her face. “I only want to protect you,” she adds, the words coming out like a moan that are torn from her.
I pull her back into my arms, our gazes locked, tears coming from both of us, her body shaking from her tears, mine from the sheer effort of breathing.
“Then, don’t leave me, Luna. If you did… I don’t think I’d survive. You’re my reason to keep going, Moonbeam. You’re all that’s keeping me sane.”
I’m begging. I know it. For Luna, I’d get on my knees and beg without shame.
I stand there looking at her, holding her and knowing my entire life hinges on this moment. Her eyes close and her head goes down, her body softening, and a small spark of hope comes to life.
She’s going to choose me… Choose to fight with me…. This won’t be the end.
She loves me as much as I love her.
Chapter Sixty Four
Luna
I’m breaking.
Torn apart. I look down to make sure my feet are still on the ground. I’m amazed, but somehow despite the pain, I’m still standing. Agent Dern’s voice rings in my head. I don’t want to cost Gavin his future. I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get to reach for everything he wants. My hand goes defensively to my stomach.
Pregnant.
My parents are going to kill me. If Gavin is here, it will be one more reason for them to try and strike out at him. If I show up in court in support of Gavin, the judge will take one look at me with my belly swollen with Gavin’s child and it might be a nail in Gavin’s coffin—despite the fact that I’m eighteen now.
“I can’t do this, Gavin.”
“What?” he asks, his voice hoarse, and I have to force myself to look up and face him. He starts to blur before me, but I stem the flow of the tears. I can’t indulge in them now.
Later.
Later I can cry. Later I can self-destruct and let the misery win.
Not now.
Not when Gavin can see. This is too important.
God, how am I supposed to do this? How can this even be expected of me? I need more time. Time to make my parents understand. Time so they can see how happy Gavin and I can be. Time so they understand he’s nothing like they think… Time for Gavin and me to plan our lives around the baby…
I just need time.
“I’m not ready to leave Stone Lake, Gavin. I want to stay here.”
His face goes white. He stumbles back like I’ve hit him, and I guess in some ways I have. My body is trembling, but I can’t be sure if it’s noticeable from the outside, it’s all coming from within.
“We’ve talked about this. You said you wanted to leave with me, Luna,” he pleads and his voice is so quiet, so filled with hurt that it takes my breath.
“I’m not ready. I need… time, Gavin,” I tell him.
In my head I keep thinking about everything. I think, if I keep my pregnancy hidden as long as possible, my parents will give up trying to go after Gavin. They need time to get to know him, to see that he’s nothing like his father and to see what I do… that Gavin and I were meant to be together.
“If we stay here, you can go to community college and start toward your degree. We can give my parents time to see us together and…”
“And what, Luna? They’re not going to magically accept me one day.”
“They will see that you’re nothing like your father. They’ll see how good we are together. It will work out, Gavin. We just need to give it time.”
“I can’t stay here, Luna. There’s nothing for me in Stone Lake. I can’t even attend class to finish out my diploma. I’m having to stay in the principal’s office and do my work for Christ’s sake.”
“I’m here, Gavin. Isn’t it worth it to try, just for a little while?”
“I want you to go with me, Luna.”
“My way is better. We can wait until my parents are more reasonable and—”
“You don’t know that they will ever change their mind about me, Luna. Away from here, you and I both get fresh starts. We can do and be whatever we want.”
“You can’t live your dream if my parents come after us, Gavin and we both know they will if I leave with you.”
“We’ll deal with it if that happens.”
“It’s not a matter of if. It’s when it will happen, Gavin. If we can just hold off for a little while—”