Letting You Go (Stone Lake 1)

I’m all alone now.

I’m pregnant and alone and I know I’ll never see Gavin again.

That thought is what finally brings me to my knees, and I fall to the ground, sobs erupting from me, so loud, so filled with anguish that people on the other side of the concession stand come running. I sense them there, I feel someone touching me and hear them asking me questions.

I don’t know who it is. I don’t know what they ask.

I just know that I feel like I’m slowly dying.

All alone…

Chapter Sixty Five

Gavin

I look at the woman I love, and I see the pain on her face, but all I hear is the fact that she doesn’t care enough to put it all on the line for me.

I walk away.

I think I hear her cry out my name, and I try not to look back, but I give in. There’s a crowd there now and no sign of her. I feel dead inside. I can’t believe this has happened. I can’t believe after everything that she can end it like this…

Maybe she never loved me. Maybe I was fooling myself all along.

I walk through the crowd in a daze. I don’t see faces, I barely see anything. I just want out of here. There’s an old payphone on the side of the school. It’s one of the few still around, most everyone uses cellphones these days, but Stone Lake has two of them, one at the school and one outside the grocery store where I work. I’ve always been glad, because a cellphone isn’t something I can afford.

Not now.

Someday I will.

Someday I will be an FBI agent, I’ll have money. Women like Luna will be glad to have me around, will want me and I’ll tell them to fuck off.

I’m done with women.

I’m done with caring.

As I make it to the payphone, there are some couples standing around. I see their stares. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been cleared and released by the cops. Most of this town thinks I’m guilty and they don’t bother pretending they don’t. They leave almost the same time I get there. I guess they don’t want to stand close to a murderer. If I didn’t feel like I was dying inside, it would be almost comical.

I insert my change and dial the number that Agent Dern gave me. I have it memorized. He was leaving town today, it may be too late.

I hope it’s not.

“Agent Dern.” His voice is gruff when he answers.

“It’s Gavin. Uh… Gavin Lodge.”

“What’s up, son?”

“Have you left town yet?”

“Heading out in the morning, what’s up?”

“I want to go with you.”

There’s silence on the other line and fear rises inside of me.

He’s changed his mind.

“What about the girl?”

“That’s not an issue anymore.” I grip the phone wishing I could change things, but I can’t. She made her choice and now I’ve made mine.

More silence. He doesn’t want me either.

Just like Luna…

I lean against the phone booth. “Forget it, I’ll—”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the high school, getting ready to head to my truck.”

“Do you know where my hotel is?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you get here okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then get here, boy. We’ll head out tonight.”

“The quicker the better,” I tell him, closing my eyes. I hate that the minute they close, Luna’s face invades my brain.

I hang up and open my eyes, walking toward my truck. I see Atticus standing in front of me. I walk past him and I don’t say one damn word.

He’s smiling at me, talking to Larry Richards.

He knows. They both do.

Fuck them.

Fuck them all.

I jump in my truck, rev the engine to life and peel out, leaving Stone Lake and Luna Marshall in my rearview mirror.

Epilogue

Luna

Three Months Later

* * *

“You don’t look so good.”

“You wouldn’t look good either if you spent the morning barfing,” I mumble.

“You’re going to have to tell your parents what is going on, Luna,” Atticus says, and he hands me a ginger ale and some saltines.

Every day we meet here at the park lately and he always has ginger ale ready for me. I grab it gratefully. I open it and take a sip, closing my eyes.

“I’ll tell Mom soon. Right now I’m okay with wearing big shirts and sweats. Besides it’s not like they care. Dad’s back to staying gone all the time and Mom is rarely home since she started working again.”

After the divorce, Mom got her realtors license and works constantly. Her focus is on moving on with her life now that things have calmed down and the divorce was finalized. I don’t know if I will ever feel normal again. First, losing Jules and it feels as if I’ve lost my parents, too. Then, losing Gavin….

It’s all too much to process, so instead I go through the motions of everyday life trying to survive.

“Here, eat the saltines too,” he says, taking one of the small single packs and opening it for me. I take a bite, but I don’t really want to. Food makes my stomach want to revolt.