I’ll have to talk to Ben later, and I guess he’ll sort through the mess with Gavin. I’m trying not to hyperventilate. Just because there was a murder, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s connected to Skylar’s murder. It could have something to do with Elaine’s recent divorce. I’m still freaking out, and that’s probably because I know I’m one of the last people to have seen Elaine alive. I called and left a message with Amber to have Ben call me, that I had spoken with Elaine earlier today. That’s the best I can do. It would have helped if Ben had taken a moment to listen to me, instead of cutting me off. I know he was in ‘sheriff mode’, but still, it’s not like I don’t have a position of power in this town too. He could have at least listened to me.
I close the door to Joshua’s room, after taking his phone and Xbox privileges. He’s not happy with me, but then I’m not pleased with him either. We’re in for a long talk—sooner rather than later.
I hear the doorbell and frown. I automatically look up at the clock on the wall. It could possibly be Ben. I’m so annoyed with him that I’m almost ready to tell him that I can’t talk right now. Instead, I jog down the stairs and open the door.
“You shouldn’t open the door without seeing who it is,” Gavin criticizes.
“You’re right. If I’d known it was you, I wouldn’t have opened the door.”
“We need to talk.” He sounds serious and I frown.
“Is this about Elaine?”
“Elaine?”
“The bartender?” I remind him, he looks confused and then as he realizes what I’m saying shakes his head no.
“Nothing happened between us, Luna. I was drunk off my ass.”
“It’s really none of my business, Gavin. It stopped being my business long ago.”
“But you’re the one that asked if it was about… Never mind, it’s not important. I’m here to talk about Joshua.”
“About Josh?” I ask, thoroughly confused.
“Can I come in, please?” he asks, and something about his tone grabs my attention. He’s different, less self-assured, maybe even… nervous.
I step back to let him in. He crosses the threshold, and I notice he has his hands stuffed down the pockets of his jeans. He’s definitely nervous. Now, I’m starting to wonder if I should be.
“What’s this about, Gavin?” I challenge him when we’re sitting down across from each other in my living room.
“I want the chance to get to know my son, Luna.”
I’ve thought about this moment a million times over the years. At first, I dreamed of it happening, craved it, freaking prayed for it. I lived in a dream world where one day Gavin would just magically realize the mistake he made and beg to be a part of our child’s life. Then, as the years went on, the opposite became true. Joshua was mine. I didn’t need or want Gavin to enter into our world. He signed rights away to our child and Joshua deserved better than that. Eventually, I even let go of the bitterness.
Or so I thought.
Seeing him sitting here in my living room, asking me… no… he’s not asking, he’s telling me he wants to be a part of my child’s life, causes all of that old bitterness to rise up inside of me again.
“No.”
“Luna, you don’t understand—”
“I understand that you gave up any right to our son years ago. I understand that you’re in town and you—”
“I didn’t know about him, Luna. I swear it. Until I was here the other night, I had no idea Joshua was mine.”
“Do you honestly think I’m stupid, Gavin? Listen, I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but I’m not about to forget that you signed—”
“Luna, I didn’t know. I swear to you, I. Did. Not. Know.”
“How is that even possible, Gavin? Your signature was on those papers. My father told me what you said—”
“Whatever your father told you was a lie. I had no idea, Luna. You have to believe me, if I did, I would have been back here by your side in a heartbeat.”
“I don’t have to believe you. We’re not back in high school, Gavin. I’m no longer the young, naïve girl blinded by her first crush—”
“You loved me, Luna. There was no fucking crush. At least admit to that. We loved each other.”
“We were young and stupid.”
“And we loved each other,” he says and for some reason it feels like those words are a physical hit. My body even jolts in reaction.
“What do you want from me, Gavin? I can’t let you back into my life. I’ve moved on and there’s no place for you in mine or my son’s life.”
“I’m asking you to please just give me the chance to talk to my son, to get to know him.”