“Kill the lights,” I bark, thankful now that Luna had curtains and blinds installed—even more thankful they were all pulled. The house is instantly dark and that’s when I turn on the light and shine it on the wall. Most of all, that’s when I see the message written in Roy’s blood on the wall.
“Welcome Home Gavin”
Motherfucker.
Luna
“Are you okay, Sweetheart?” I ask Joshua. He’s been really quiet since Gavin and I told him about Roy. He and Roy didn’t see each other a lot, but they did visit with each other regularly and Joshua loved him. He’s the only man Joshua has truly had in his life, and I know his death is going to hurt my son.
“Yeah,” Joshua says, not really bothering to look up from his video game.
“Would you like to talk?” I press, trying to figure out how to approach all of this.
“Is he staying here tonight?” Joshua asks, surprising me with the way he changes the topic.
“Do you have a problem with that?” I tackle the subject cautiously. I don’t want Gavin to leave, for many reasons. The most important reason is that he’s hurting tonight and blaming himself for Roy’s death. I don’t want him to be alone. Still, if Joshua is truly unhappy with having Gavin here, I need to take that into consideration.
“I don’t know,” Joshua answers, leaving me wondering where I go from here.
“I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, Josh. Having Gavin come back into our lives is bound to be hard to process…” I’m stumbling over my words. I have no idea how to reach him. Heck, I’m confused myself.
“Mom, it’s okay. If you want to see Mr. Lodge, I can deal.”
“He’s your dad, Josh.”
“I don’t know him, Mom. I can’t pretend he’s my father. Wally has done more with me than anyone—well, except you.”
“Gavin wants to be part of your life.”
“Because he wants to be with you. If it wasn’t for that,” Joshua shrugs without finishing his thought, but I understand.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Son.”
Joshua and I both look up when Gavin responds from the door. When I see him, my heart squeezes. He’s hurting so bad, and I can see it clearly written all over his face. I squeeze Joshua’s hand, hoping he gives Gavin a chance, but knowing I can’t force him to.
“Why should I believe you?” Joshua doesn’t hold back.
I start to reprimand him, or at least implore him to listen to his father, but Gavin walks into the room and puts his hand on my shoulder, somehow knowing what I was about to do.
“You don’t have to, but I’m moving back here to Stone Lake, and I don’t care how long it takes, I’m going to prove to you that you’re my priority, Josh.”
“Or at least until you get done with Mom,” Joshua replies and it’s easy to hear the bitterness in his voice, proving my son definitely has some anger and hostility toward his father. I knew it, even expected it, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
Gavin squats down so that he’s eye level with Joshua. He puts his hand on Joshua’s leg and looks him directly in the eye.
“We don’t know each other, Josh. And, I know that’s all my fault. But what you don’t know about me is that I made a stupid decision thirteen years ago. It was a decision, I didn’t really have a choice in making, but there hasn’t been a day since that I didn’t regret it. I have missed your mother every moment since we said goodbye. I loved her back then and I’ve loved her every day following it. She’s agreed to give me a second chance, and I will never let her down again. I would lay down my life before I’d give her up.”
“Listen—”
Joshua tries to interrupt Gavin, but Gavin shakes his head no. I’m choking on emotion hearing Gavin proclaim his love for me to our son. I bite my lip to keep from crying, because I can hear the sincerity and honesty in his voice.
“Something else you don’t know, Joshua, is that I may not have known you existed but the moment I did the love was instant. I love you. I’m your father, and I haven’t earned that title, I get that. I even understand why you might hate me and resent me. The thing you don’t understand is that I’m also going to bust my ass to earn your trust, and I hope one day you might grow to care about me. I don’t expect it, but I’m going to pray for it every single day.”
“Mom is kind of a bad ass,” Joshua says, surprising me.
“Josh!”
“Well, you are, Mom. You have this big-time job with the city and you still manage to come to all my games and work in the concession stand and stuff. You never even miss a practice.”