In the cartoons I watched with Shanti every morning, around about this point, I’d be digging into the ground next to me and burying my body with a headstone nicely carved out. Maybe something like Hereth The Twatteth Lieth. Then again, as far as I could remember, not one cartoon character ever had a pulsating stomach indicating they had period pains while they popped a tub of ACME Period Painkillers.
No, instead, because I lived in the real world, I had to face the reaction to my embarrassing announcement and product review on the hottest guy I’d ever seen in my life.
Carter Lane might not be everyone’s cup of tea—or coffee, I was an equal opportunities kind of gal—but he was definitely mine. Something about the whole package, including the one inside him that few people got the honor of experiencing, did it for me.
Back when I was younger, I had an innocent schoolgirl crush on him, like every kid had at some point in their life.
Then, after I’d gone to college, he’d become ‘Carter from back home,’ and life had moved on. I could honestly say that although I’d appreciated the visuals he’d given me for the last three years, and the fact I’d gotten the butterflies in my gut whenever I was near him, I’d been too focused on Shanti and navigating the murky waters of parenthood and dealing with everything that went with it.
I’d never let my mind go there because I just had too much going on inside it. Heck, we hadn’t achieved full potty training until Shanti was three and a half because I didn’t have a flipping clue how to do it. My parents had just left Callum and me to either soil ourselves in public or go to the bathroom. When you were faced with that embarrassment and ridicule, trust me, you learned to find a toilet.
But lately, life had settled into a pleasant status quo, and I no longer felt like I was suffocating. I finally saw that the life I’d created for us made my niece happy, and I’d realized where the gaps were in it.
Gap number one: Shanti needed some responsibilities at home. She cleaned her room, brushed her teeth, flushed the toilet when she went potty and helped when I needed little jobs done. But something was missing for her to focus on. I was wary about the amount of time she spent watching television, so I needed to figure out how to do this.
Gap number two: I wanted to do something with our front and back yards like Heidi had. Shanti was in love with fairytales with dragons in them, and I’d found some neat, welded metal statues of them online that’d look killer. They came in different metallic colors and had ornate wings, which made it look like they were just landing or taking off. She’d love them, but I didn’t have a clue what to do with the rest of the space. I could add a swing or just leave it be.
Gap number three: I didn’t want a life away from her, not even for a second, but I wanted to have a life all the same. Whatever I decided on had to include her, and she had to be the priority all around. If Carter was part of filling this gap, I knew he’d do that, I just didn’t know how she’d react to having to share my attention.
Then again, I wasn’t sure how she’d cope with sharing his attention. She adored him and was used to having him around, though, so maybe if the change happened slowly, Shanti wouldn’t struggle? Or was it better to just do as Jacinda suggested and treat it like ripping off a Band-Aid?
How did people plan this shit out and make it work?
Using the tip of his finger to lift my chin, Carter’s eyes searched my face. “I’d pay to know what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours.”
He’d be disappointed. He also wouldn’t have to pay because it’s not like I kept state secrets in there.
“Giving Shanti something to be responsible for to distract her from the television, putting dragons and something fun in the front and back yards, and how Shanti would adjust to having you in our lives in a different way.”
My response was apparently too much for him because he just blinked.
Raising an eyebrow at him, I asked, “Regretting asking now?”
If I had any kind of chill to me, I’d have smirked, but I think I’d already proven I definitely had zero chill. Instead, I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t say yes and run.
Finally, he tilted his head to the side, his forehead scrunched slightly. “Dragons?”
“Yeah. I found these four-foot-tall, welded metal ones with killer wings. They come in different colors, and Shanti would love them. She’s obsessed with books about them.”