The car slowed. Behind them, she heard the sound of the motorcycles. Her hand fumbled for the door handle the moment the car was turned off. She managed to get the door open, but there was no way to walk. When she tried, she was too dizzy to take a step, and her ankle collapsed under her.
“I’m taking you into the house.”
“You can’t touch me.” Seychelle backed up to the car, pressed hard against it for balance and forced herself to look at him. Savage. God. She was so in love with him. What was wrong with her that she’d let herself step off that cliff? She’d promised herself she wouldn’t, and yet she must have, to hurt so bad.
“It can’t be helped. It’s only a few steps, and you know the worst. I’ll get you inside and we’ll talk.”
They weren’t talking. There was no talking his way around this one. This had been her greatest fear. She’d wondered if she could handle it. She had almost persuaded herself that she could. Now she knew she couldn’t. There was no way.
She didn’t argue with him. There was no arguing with Savage when he made up his mind. He had that look on his face. He came at her, caught her up and strode toward the front door. Seychelle did her best to keep her mind blank. To not inhale. To not breathe. She concentrated on counting. She didn’t want to feel his emotions. Or her emotions.
Savage put her on the bed, and she scrambled to the familiar headboard, grateful that she’d taken the time to make every single space in her home count. The crystals sang to her, and sitting right there, in that exact spot, always made her feel so much better. Only, nothing helped. Nothing would ever help again.
She moistened her lips and forced herself to say the one thing that would make him have to leave. The one thing she knew he couldn’t ignore. “I want you to leave, Savage, and I don’t want you ever to come back. I mean it. We’re not friends. We’re not ever going back to being friends. I can’t do this, so you have to go.”
Savage stood across from her, and he looked as devastated as she felt. She didn’t expect that. He shook his head. “Don’t. Seychelle, don’t. I know this hurts. I know it’s fucked up. I’m fucked up. You knew that. I never hid it. I did this to keep you from getting hurt.”
She knew that. God help her, she knew that. And she’d known he’d say that.
“I’m not the only one fucked up, Seychelle. You need me as much as I need you. You don’t want it to be true because it scares the crap out of you. I scare you. What’s between us scares you, and it should. It’s raw and violent, and it can get out of control. The thing is, look at you. Look at what happened to you. If you were my woman, that wouldn’t happen. Not ever. You want to know why? Because I would make absolutely certain I knew what was happening and I’d stop it. I’d teach you how to control it.”
“Unless it was all about you.”
He shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong, baby. Especially when it’s about me. I’m that scary and that violent. We both know that. That’s when you have to be your strongest, and you make the choice, not me. That’s when you control what you take on. But you have to learn, because right now, you’re wide open and everything hurts you.”
She pulled her legs tighter to her chest. “You hurt me, Savage. Like no one else, and you’ll keep doing it. I can take a lot, but I can’t take that. You have to go. You’re tearing me up, and I can’t recover. There’s no way back for me.”
There was a long silence. Savage shook his head. “Seychelle. Baby. Think carefully before you do this. You throw me out and you mean it, there’s no way for me to come back from it. We have a code. Torpedo Ink has a code. We live it. We breathe it. I am Torpedo Ink. You say you mean it, I have to leave and I can’t come back.”
“I do mean it. You have to go. I don’t want you back.” She had to say it fast before she couldn’t say it. It was self-preservation, the only way to survive.
Again, there was a long silence. His voice was raw when he answered her. “Here’s the bottom line, Seychelle. You’ve made it impossible for me to come back inside your home. I have no choice but to leave, because you’re making it clear that’s what you want. But if you ever change your mind and you come to the club for any reason . . . Any reason. Be fuckin’ clear on that. You show up on a Thursday to rehearse with the band, you’re declaring to me that you want me. That you’re coming to me and you’re mine. There’s no going back from that decision. Are we clear?”