“You totally did that, didn’t you?” Seychelle demanded. “How?”
Savage shrugged. “The ladies were worried about what to give him for his birthday. Said he didn’t like birthday presents. I just mentioned how Darden names his flowers, and the conversation went from there. I don’t see how that could be construed as my fault.”
“You’re not telling me the entire truth, are you?” Because he wasn’t. She was certain of it.
He laughed, his gloved hand over hers. “No, babe. I’m not.” His smile faded, his blue eyes looking into hers. “I came here to talk about us. I only have so much time, and you left this morning really upset.”
Seychelle wasn’t going to lie to him. “I’m in love with you, Savage, but I don’t know if I can be what you need.”
“You’re exactly what I need, baby. We’ll work things out. What you saw this morning scared you. I shouldn’t have . . .” His eyes went even colder, and he cursed in his native language. “I’m not trying to be impatient. We’ve got time, Seychelle. You never have to get there. Never.”
She shook her head. “Don’t. You know that isn’t the truth. You need that, and I want you to have everything you need. I just have to think whether or not I can be that person.”
“I told you I would know. You respond to the things we do.”
Her stomach knotted. “I know I do, and I don’t know if I like that in myself. I don’t know how far I’m willing to let myself go. I have to really think about it, Savage. Living that reality isn’t the same as fantasizing over it. You have a reason for being the way you are. If I was only going down that path because I love you and wanted to sacrifice for you, then I would be able to say yes in a heartbeat. But there’s a part of me that wants it for me. I don’t have any excuse. None.”
“Why do you think you need an excuse?” His fingers found her ring.
“Shouldn’t I have a reason for craving something like that? You don’t like yourself at times, and you were shaped into who you are. It doesn’t make sense to me. It isn’t normal.”
“What the fuck is normal, Seychelle? Because my normal is mixing pain and pleasure. That’s normal. That’s hot as hell. Arousing. And I’m as pleased as fuck it’s arousing to you. I know it’s difficult to think you enjoy that kind of thing when everyone around you has a different sexual practice, but what they do is their business and what we do is ours. You think about how much I love you. Think on that, baby. Think how much I take care of you and always will.”
Savage hooked his palm around the nape of her neck and dragged her to him for one of his long, claiming kisses that stole her sanity, then indicated for her to go back into the tea shop. He waited until she was safe inside before he took off on his bike. She listened to the pipes fade away before she joined the others.
NINETEEN
Seychelle walked to her cottage. She needed to feel the fresh sea air on her skin and listen to the roar of the waves as they raced to the bluffs and crashed against them. She had purchased the house on the narrow road across from the headlands because she liked the privacy and the close proximity to the ocean.
She detoured and took a path through the tall grass leading to the bluffs. The grass rippled with the wind, bending and swaying as if dancing to the sound of the waves as they rushed the rocks. The wildness of this coast appealed to her. The Southern California coast was warmer and so much more predictable, but here there were rip currents and undertows, and the water was cold and crazy rough.
She wrapped her arms around herself and walked slowly along the path she’d taken hundreds of times. It was narrow and all sandy dirt. Gulls screamed and dove at the water or circled the sea stacks before settling and folding their wings. Some of the birds squabbled in the air, making her want to laugh.
She loved Sea Haven and her little home here. She’d come here at her lowest, when she knew she was going to die. She’d been so exhausted, barely able to stand most of the time. Walking to the bluffs had become her first goal, and then to the town of Sea Haven. She couldn’t believe how far she’d come, how much stronger she’d gotten. How much happier she was.
She lifted her gaze to the sky and the seagulls again. Savage made her happy. There was no doubt about that. He made her feel as if she wasn’t alone when she’d been so terribly lonely even in the middle of a crowd. Truthfully, when she’d tried to date and hadn’t reacted at all to any man kissing her or touching her, she’d felt as if she wasn’t normal. So why was she upset that she was reacting to him and his brand of sex? Why did she have to question everything good that came her way?