No Quick Fix (Torus Intercession 1)

“Without question,” he confessed, looking her directly in the eye, not flinching, not sugarcoating the truth.

“The memory of her being the love of your life would remain intact,” she acknowledged, and it was impossible to miss the melancholy.

Was she actually in love with him? No, I didn’t think so. But she was extremely fond of the man. Not hard to see why. Everyone I met—except the sheriff’s deputy—thought the world of Emery Dodd.

“Yes,” he agreed, looking at her so fondly that she couldn’t help but sigh and smile at him. “If I married you, Andrea’s legacy stayed the same. I could say things to my girls like, the only woman I’ve ever truly loved was your mother.”

“Yes, you could,” she agreed, and I saw her eyes glisten with unshed tears and her chin wobble a bit.

“Most of all, I could hold on to my insistent sadness and never allow you to comfort me or laugh with me or let you anywhere near my heart. It would be a marriage of convenience, only and ever.”

“You’re certain?”

“I am. One of the reasons I agreed to the marriage was that I knew I’d never fall in love.”

Her eyes began to overflow then, a few stray teardrops.

“It was business, nothing else.”

The Godfather went through my head then, and it was stupid, but it did.

She was staring at him, really looking, trying to see all the way down into his heart. “It was,” she finally agreed. “Yes.”

“Yes,” he echoed.

They were silent, and so were the rest of us, her friends and me, all of us waiting to see what Emery and Lydia were going to do next.

“What now?” she asked him.

“Well, now I tell you that I don’t want to get married and I’m formally calling off the engagement.”

She nodded quickly. “I’ll talk to my father.”

“I’ll call him after you—”

“No. I’ll tell him.”

“I’m still going to call, Lydia. It’s up to him if he wants to speak to me or not.”

“Perhaps Darrow and Cahill can still become business partners.”

He was about to answer when Mal walked back into the room. Both girls were dressed in their polar bear gear, as they had to be whenever they left the house once the weather hit freezing and never rose above it. I was surprised to see that April was holding Winston in her arms.

“Sorry, sorry,” Mal said quickly, stopping in front of Emery and me.

I kissed Olivia while Emery kissed April and then we switched, and we both pet Winston, and I darted to his bin in the pantry to get his dog sweater for Mal.

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” I said, scowling at him. “He’s a small dog.”

He made a face like I was nuts, then hurried out of the house and put both kids down outside the front door so he could close it behind him.

Lydia turned to Emery, slowly, and I saw her shoulders slump. “When did you decide on breaking off the engagement?”

“You all,” Shelby interrupted, “don’t you think you should be alone for the rest of this?”

Everyone started talking at once then, offering their thoughts on the matter, and I took that opportunity to bolt for my room.

It was the strangest thing; my face was hot and my skin was flushed. I was flying inside, and I shut the door behind me and leaned back against it, needing a moment to replace my façade. I’d been fun guy, happy guy for weeks. I could be him again as soon as I figured out how to separate could have from reality. I had to stop thinking about forever and ever with Emery Dodd and how sure I was that I could make him happy, and fit seamlessly into his life, if he could see past me being a guy.

It was ridiculous. I had to leave. There was no excuse for staying. Daydreaming about me with a husband and kids and a dog and the sweet little house was slowly eating my heart out.

It was time to go.

Fourteen

Emery had been worried that Olivia would get attached and then, later, April as well. What he didn’t understand was that I was the one in utter peril. I was the one with nothing else, no foundation, no base, and no people who were mine.

I wouldn’t recover if I left my heart with them when I drove out of town.

It struck me again that there wasn’t all this uncertainty and dealing with awkward personal choices when people were shooting at me. In life-and-death situations, the concern over one’s emotional health didn’t come up. When I was deployed, I’d never been asked how I felt, only if I’d lost too much blood to go on. It would be so much easier if I went back to the Navy, things no longer gray; instead, simple black and white, good or bad, kill or be killed, go where they tell me.