With every step that brings us closer to the vehicle, my anxiety ratchets up even higher. Did I think there was a distinct possibility that he would turn me down?
Of course.
But after the way he kissed me the other night, I’d thought the odds were tipped in my favor. I’d thought that maybe—just maybe—I might be worth taking a risk on.
Foolish, I know. He and my brother have been friends for a long time.
Once we reach the SUV, Carson clicks the locks before silently opening the passenger side door. The longer this unease stretches between us, the more my nerves lengthen until it becomes excruciating. I grip my bag as if it’s a lifeline and slide onto the leather seat.
For a second, our gazes lock and hold. He pauses and my breath catches as a sizzle of awareness shoots through me, lighting up every nerve ending in its path. My heart beats into overdrive as I wonder if he’ll close the distance and kiss me. Just as my body strains toward him, he closes the door, trapping me inside the vehicle. Air rushes from my lungs as all of the hope swirling inside me evaporates. I can’t help but wonder if anyone else will ever make me feel as alive as Carson does.
There is nothing more depressing than longing for someone who doesn’t return the sentiment. Or isn’t willing to overcome the obstacles standing in your way. My shoulders collapse under the heavy weight of that knowledge.
I’m so lost in the tangle of my own thoughts that I don’t realize he’s settled on the seat next to me and has turned on the engine until we’re pulling out of the lot and swinging onto the tree-lined street that wraps around campus and ultimately leads to Sutton Hall.
He keeps his attention focused on the road beyond the windshield. There are a thousand words perched on the tip of my tongue, but none of them fall from my lips. It takes a handful of minutes until he’s pulling to the curb in front of the dorm. Only then does he put the truck into park and swivel toward me.
A rush of air gets clogged at the back of my throat as nerves explode inside the confines of my belly. Even though I’m fairly certain how this conversation will end, I can’t help but hold out a sliver of hope that I’m wrong. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Carson.
I just wish he felt the same way.
“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry. I never meant for this situation to spiral so far out of control. If I could take it all back—everything that happened between us —so that our relationship could return to normal, I would.”
His words slice into my heart, cleaving it in half. The pain is enough to leave me doubling over.
How can he say that?
Doesn’t he realize these feelings have been brewing beneath the surface for years?
“No.” I shake my head, refusing to accept this outcome. Or, at the very least, I need to fight for what I want.
I need to fight for him.
“No?” His brows draw together as if he’s uncertain what to make of my response.
“Whatever this is, it’s been festering between us for years. It was only a matter of time before it came to a head.” Hot emotion stings the backs of my eyes. “You have to feel it, too.”
He glances away. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. Nothing more can happen between us.”
“Carson.” It’s only when his gaze slices to mine that I say, “Why are you so insistent on stomping this out?”
A potent concoction of regret and anger flashes across his face and fills his voice. “We’ve already been over this. I don’t understand why we have to rehash it again. It won’t change anything.”
“Brayden.” The corners of my lips twist in irritation.
“We both know he’d go off the deep end if he found out I laid a finger on you.”
When I fail to respond, he continues. “As much as I want you,” there’s a pause as his jaw locks and he reluctantly admits, “I can’t break his trust more than I already have.”
I release the burst of air wedged in my lungs. Even though I’d hoped my brother wouldn’t stand in the way of this relationship flourishing into something more—something I’ve always longed for—deep down, I knew it would end this way. They’ve been friends for more than a decade. But still, I can’t help but feel hurt that Carson is choosing my brother over me.
I twist on my seat, wanting him to see reason. The more I try to pull him closer, the further I end up pushing him away. “Exactly how does us being together impact my brother? How does it hurt him?”
He blinks before plowing a hand through his blond hair. It’s so tempting to smooth down the thick strands. Instead, I keep my hands locked in my lap.