“No, you don’t want to be wrong,” she countered, shooting me a look. “There’s a difference. You never want to be wrong, because then you never have to apologize.”
“That’s not––”
“Yes, it is,” she said implacably. “You think so hard, sometimes, that by the time you’re done thinking, whatever it was you were thinking about has passed you by.”
I shook my head.
She pointed down the hall, the way Dallas had gone. “I have no idea how you’re in a relationship, but I can only guess that you finally took a leap of faith for once in your life.”
“What? I’m so damaged that I could never be—”
“You’re not damaged. You’ve never been damaged. You just overthink because you don’t want to be wrong, and you don’t want to get hurt.”
“Well, you’re lucky I thought before I spoke this morning, because if I had blurted something out the moment I saw you, we would—”
“Fine. Thinking before speaking is good in crisis situations. How’s that?”
“Also good when arguing, so you don’t say something you’ll regret later.”
“Yes, true,” she agreed. “So I guess it’s the balance that’s important.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you can go ahead and think something to death, but you have to be brave enough to also say how you feel.”
I could see the logic of that.
“Special Agent Bauer.”
“What about him?”
“Do you like him, or think you like him?”
I took a breath. “I think I more than like him.”
Her smile was bright. “It’s the same thing, and you need to get that through your head.”
“There’s such a thing as infatuation. People can be wrong about their own feelings, especially when they’re brand new.”
“Sure,” she agreed. “And sometimes you know it’s right, and nothing else matters.”
“But—”
“Even if you end up being wrong, and the whole thing goes up in flames, aren’t you richer for loving that person at all?”
“I don’t think that’s true for everyone.”
“No, probably not. But it would be for you, Croy, because you need the practice.”
I coughed softly. “I don’t want to practice on Dallas,” I confessed. “I want it to last.”
Her face lit up with a sudden smile. “And that’s terrifying, right?”
“Yes,” I ground out, hating being so vulnerable.
“Oh, look at you with the emotional growth and everything. I’m so glad I made it in time to see your epiphany.”
I grunted.
“You forgot that I annoyed you.”
“I did. Yes. I will admit to being overly sentimental when I first saw you.”
She smiled at me. “Did you think we were friends? Like, really good friends back then?”
I met her gaze and held it. “Yes, I did.”
“Yeah, see, so did I.”
But when I left, I thought she couldn’t possibly feel for me the same way I did for her. There was no way I gave her enough of myself. I wasn’t real enough with her. I didn’t share as much as she had.
She took my hands in hers. “No matter what you told yourself, that we weren’t as close as you thought—it’s not true. It was never true. And for the record, you’re a really good friend.”
“I am?”
“Yes,” she said, chuckling. “Why do you think I came to my senses and tried to reach out to you?”
It was a gift the universe was giving me, getting her back. I wouldn’t mess up twice. “Can you forgive me for walking out of your life?”
“As long as it’s only the one time.”
“No, I would never—I’m not stupid.”
She grimaced.
“I’m not. And I don’t want to lose you again.”
She leaned in and hugged me. “You never lost me; we just fell out of touch for a bit.”
I hugged her back.
“Don’t ditch me again.”
“No,” I promised her. “I won’t.”
“Croy.”
Lifting my head, I saw Brig and Eric standing with Lane farther down the hall, and so I took Ella’s hand and led her to them. Instantly, Lane started crying and moved to embrace Ella, who hugged her back tightly. They were war buddies of a kind.
Brig offered me his hand. “It’s been a whirlwind. If you ever need anything, Croy, anything at all,” he said, gripping my shoulder tightly with his other hand, “please don’t hesitate to call on me. This would have been a mess without you.”
I glanced at Eric.
“And forgive me for being an ass at every juncture.”
“It was a stressful time all around,” I assured him. “Bygones and all that.”
He shook my hand when Brig let me go.
“I’m sorry that your family is about to implode. Make sure your PR people are all over the job of separating you from your father, and from Lane as well,” I said, glancing at her. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“No, you’re right,” she agreed. “I’m not a fan of Stanton-Downey, but if anyone can do good things with it, Brig can, and I’m more than ready to fade into the background. I just want to go home and be with my family.” She held out her hand to me, and I took it gently in mine. “Thank you for everything. Without you asking questions, no one would have looked into what was really going on.”