I want to bite her there not so gently.
A cool rush of breeze flows over my flesh.
There are things… Things I’ve let linger in the dark recesses of my mind. Things that I think I might like to try in the bedroom. Or here. In my office.
I never let my mind go there, but now it’s been unleashed.
I gave myself permission to experience pleasure. Fuck. It was more than pleasure. I was…
Dare I say it?
I was happy.
Happy during those hours with Ashley in that hotel room less than twelve hours ago.
Fucking happy.
A smile tugs at my lips at the memory.
A smile.
“Go ahead,” Ashley says.
“Go ahead with what?”
“You want to smile. Do it. Why do you resist it so much? Especially with me?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Maybe I do want to know. I care about you, Dale.”
“I don’t want you to care about me.”
Her pretty face falls. I’ve hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her, but my words are no less true.
She whips her hands to her hips. “Maybe life isn’t always about what you want. I care for you, and you can’t stop me. In fact, I…”
No, Ashley. Please, don’t say it. If you say it, I’ll have to say it back, and I can’t. I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready.
“…admire you,” she says.
Thank God. She didn’t say the L-word.
And though I’m relieved, another emotion supersedes it.
I’m disappointed.
I wanted to hear her say she loves me.
Because I love her.
I love her so much it hurts. It’s like my heart is being squeezed so hard it may explode at any minute. And it’s ice on the back of my neck, tingles across my flesh. And that tightness in my groin, only it’s different, because the physical now has an emotional component.
I’m a mass of fucked-up feelings, a kaleidoscope of chaos.
Yes, I gave myself permission to experience happiness.
Now, without permission, my darker side comes along with it.
And I want Ashley White so much, I may just walk through fire to have her.
Chapter Three
Ashley
I love you.
In the end, I couldn’t say the words, because I couldn’t bear the possibility—the probability—that Dale wouldn’t return them.
I admire you.
True, no doubt. The man’s a genius with wine. Probably with other things too, if he’d only let me in.
Don’t push.
Jade’s words echo in my head.
But it’s not in my personality not to go after what I want. I had to. My mother taught me that a long time ago when she scrimped and scraped to get us out of tent city. In the end, though, I defied her. She wanted me to go after a sure thing.
I chose to go further. It wasn’t enough to be out of tent city and in an actual dwelling. It wasn’t enough to go to beauty school like my mother did. No, I wanted college. And when my interest in wine surfaced during undergrad, I wanted grad school too.
I got it. Full scholarships and all.
Now there’s something else I want.
I want Dale Steel.
And what’s truly frightening?
I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything. In fact, I may give up wine and my doctorate and everything I’ve worked for if it means one more night with Dale.
A chill sweeps over me.
I don’t mean that.
Yet I do.
My feelings for this man are that intense. That consuming.
That frightening.
He still hasn’t replied.
He doesn’t have to. I’ve seen that look in his fiery green eyes. He wants me as much as I want him. I take a step toward his desk.
He lowers his eyelids slightly, and a soft groan emerges from his throat.
That dark-red beauty flows over me. Around me.
Around us.
Then his intercom buzzes.
Damn.
He moves out of his trance. “Yeah?”
“Dale, your father’s on the line.”
“Weird. Why didn’t he call my cell?”
“He says he tried. You didn’t answer.”
“Oh.” Dale pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I guess it’s still on silent. Put him through.”
Still on silent.
From last night. Our time together.
“Hey, Dad.”
I don’t listen to Dale’s side of the conversation. I’m still awash in the dark Syrah beauty of his voice. Of us.
Because we’re one now, in a way.
The burgundy darkness is Dale, yes, but it’s also Dale and me.
The first time I’ve felt such a oneness with someone.
The first time I’ve felt this kind of all-consuming love.
Funny. The numbness from early this morning has vanished now that I’m in Dale’s presence again.
Dale hangs up the phone. “I have to go.”
I jolt out of my reverie, though his voice is still coating me in dark red. “Oh?”
“Yeah. My dad and I have to go to Denver. To see Donny.”
“Why?”
“It’s personal. I’ll tell Uncle Ryan, and he’ll see that you have stuff to do for the next day or two. I won’t be gone longer than that.”
“But—”
“It’s personal, Ashley. That’s all I can say.” He walks to the door and opens it.
And though the room still pulses with the dark and beautiful burgundy, something has changed.