Ashley has nothing but good to say about her mother, though. Clearly, then, her mother loved her daughter more than she hated her rapist.
An amazing woman. Well, she had to be to raise such a wonderful daughter in such horrific circumstances. Homelessness. Hunger. Trauma.
And I know what all of those feel like.
I can probably relate more to Ashley’s mother than I can to Ashley herself.
But Ashley will never know. Ashley can’t ever know those things I keep so bottled up inside.
I’ve let enough out already.
Ashley gulps again. “Are you going to say anything? Please tell me I haven’t made a mistake by telling you this.”
I rub my thumb into the palm of her hand. “Of course not. I just… I hate the thought of you ever being cold or hungry. And your mother… What she went through…”
I can say no more without letting negative emotion overwhelm me, and I’m already on that perilous edge, sitting here while my degenerate of a birth father has life-threatening surgery.
I know how I feel, yet I don’t know how I feel.
“Thank you,” Ashley says softly. “I just wanted you to know.”
I don’t want any secrets between us.
Those are the words she doesn’t utter but that I hear plain as day anyway.
But secrets… Some secrets aren’t fit for conversation.
Some secrets have to stay buried forever.
I open my mouth but am saved from talking by a nurse approaching us.
“Mr. Steel,” the young woman says, “Dr. Larson sent me to tell you that Mr. Jolly’s surgery will take longer than expected.”
I wrinkle my forehead, wondering what I should be feeling. “Why is that?”
“We found an anomaly in his cardiac anatomy. His aortic valve has a deformity.”
“Didn’t you do an echocardiogram?”
“Of course, but it’s a minute deformity that wasn’t detectable. The doctor has to repair it before she can complete the bypass.”
“Did this deformity contribute to his heart attack?”
“There’s no way to know that without testing. Mr. Jolly isn’t in any further danger. The surgery will just take longer.”
“How much longer?”
“Probably several more hours.”
“You’ve already been in there for two.”
“This is a complex surgery, sir.”
“I understand that. But—”
Ashley takes my hand. “How much longer?”
“Probably at least four hours. Possibly five.”
“All right. Come on, Dale. We should get some lunch.”
“That’s a good idea,” the nurse says. “Make sure reception has your number so they can call you if anything comes up, but otherwise, it’s a waiting game at this point.”
Things jumble in my head. What does this mean for me genetically? If he has a heart deformity, do I?
I open my mouth to ask, but the nurse turns and walks back through the double doors.
Fuck.
More shit to deal with.
“You need to eat something,” Ashley says again.
“Not hungry,” I grumble.
“Doesn’t matter.” She tugs on my hand. “Let’s go.”
I sigh. Why not let her take charge? I sure as hell don’t know what to do at this point. My father abandoned me. If he hadn’t, maybe Donny and I wouldn’t have been sitting ducks that horrible day.
Now the asshole may have given me a heart deformity.
What next?
Yeah, pity party for me. It’s not my style, but what the hell? The man lying with his chest cut open fathered me.
I should feel something.
But I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
If he dies on the table, I won’t shed a tear.
If he doesn’t, I’ll probably never see him again.
“Come on.” Ashley tugs once more.
I relent and allow her to lead me out of the waiting area.
Chapter Forty-Three
Ashley
After dragging Dale out of the hospital and to a nearby sandwich shop, I stood over him while he ate his roast beef on sourdough and drained a full glass of iced tea.
He fought me at every step.
We’re back in the waiting room now. After four hours of excruciating silence—Dale didn’t ask me any more about my father, and he didn’t volunteer any information about his own past—we just got word that the doctor will be out soon to talk to us.
“Dale.”
I jump at the voice.
It’s Talon.
Dale stands. “Hey, Dad. You didn’t have to come down here.”
“I’d’ve been here sooner, but I had meetings that couldn’t wait. I see you haven’t been alone. Thank you, Ashley.”
“It’s no problem,” I say. “This is where I want to be.”
Talon smiles at me. Does he know? Did Jade tell him I didn’t spend the night at home?
Get over yourself, Ash. None of that even remotely matters.
“We all appreciate it,” Talon says. “Any news?”
“Actually, yeah,” Dale says. “The doc should be out soon to talk to us.”
Dr. Larson steps through the double doors.
“Here she comes now,” I say.
“Mr. Steel,” she says to Dale.
“How is he?”
“He’s doing pretty well at the moment.” She eyes me and then Talon.
“Sorry,” Dale says. “This is my father, Talon Steel, and you met my friend Ashley. It’s okay to speak in front of them.”
“Certainly,” the doctor says. “As you know, your father—er, Mr. Jolly—has an abnormal aortic valve that we had to replace while we were in there. That’s part of what took so long. He’s recovering in the ICU, where he’ll be for the next few days. He’s still unconscious, which is normal. We keep heart patients intubated for several hours after surgery, and we keep them pretty sedated as well.”