“Then do it. Nothing’s stopping you.”
“But you…”
I smooth back his disheveled hair. “I’m not an issue. In fact, I think I’ll take my own advice and have a soak in your tub. It’s been a long day.”
“If that’s not the truth.” He closes his eyes, his breathing slowing down.
I kiss his lips lightly, grab the empty glasses, and head to the kitchen. Penny is finishing her supper. “Feel like going out for a dip, Penny?” I open the back door, and she scrambles out.
The evening breeze is slightly cool—a perfect night for the hot tub. I haven’t been in a tub since my first night here when Dee and I soaked at the main house. I wore a suit that night, but I don’t have one here. The tub is adequately secluded, so I shed my clothes.
Goosebumps erupt on my flesh. Crap. I forgot to take the cover off the tub. I grab one corner of it and find it’s a lot heavier than I anticipated. With a few breathless moves, I get it pushed to the side. I scurry into the steaming water.
Ah… Heaven.
Penny jumps up so her forepaws are on the rail of the tub. I pet her with a wet hand. “Good dog. Such a good girl!”
She jumps down and runs into the yard, chasing some invisible squirrel or rabbit.
I close my eyes and breathe. Just breathe.
Next to being in Dale’s arms, this is pretty much the best thing ever.
What a freaking day! How wonderful to finally relax, to let the water soothe me. I flip the switch for the jets and enjoy a massage against my back and shoulders.
Yes, this is what I need. Pure relaxation. Pure…solace. Pure…paradise.
“Ashley!”
I jerk. Someone’s touching my shoulder, pulling me out of the hot tub.
“What the—”
“You fell asleep!” Dale shouts. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?”
“You… What…?”
“You were sleeping. How long have you been out here? Where’s your robe and towel?”
“Robe and towel?”
“Yes. A towel. You need a towel or you’ll freeze.”
I blink my eyes a few times. How long have I been out here? It’s dark. Really dark. Stars are numerous against the black sky. Penny jingles around Dale’s legs.
Towel. I don’t have one. I just… I just…
“I took my clothes off out here. I don’t have a towel.”
“For God’s sake.” Dale strips off his shirt and lays it down. Then he pulls me out of the tub and wraps it around me.
I inhale. Salty pine and cinnamon man. My Dale. The best fragrance ever. I moan and close my eyes again.
“Don’t ever do that again,” Dale is saying. “Promise me.”
“Do what?”
“Fall asleep in the hot tub! You could have drowned!”
Finally, I wake up out of my alpha state. “Drowned? I’m a good swimmer, and the hot tub isn’t even deep.”
“But you were asleep.”
“And if I ended up underwater, I’d wake up.”
“Still. Please. Never again. Promise me.”
“Dale, what’s this about?”
“Just promise me, Ashley.”
His tone is jarred. He’s scared, and I don’t know why.
“Babe,” I say, “you know this isn’t something to worry about. I’m fine.”
“Please.” Again with the tone. It’s fear, and the burgundy color has divided into black and brighter red. Like the parting of the sea. I’ve never experienced a sound-color like this before.
And I know I need to make this promise to him. If I don’t, he’ll… He’ll… I don’t know what he’ll do.
“Okay, I promise. Never again, Dale. I promise I’ll never fall asleep in the hot tub again.”
He lets out a slow breath. “Good. Thank you.”
This is about more than me falling asleep in the hot tub. But I can’t ask him. I won’t ask him.
Because I’ll just be disappointed when he walls himself off and doesn’t tell me.
Chapter Forty-Six
Dale
Donny lifted his head from the kind man’s chest. “I’m sorry, Dale. I tried.”
“No!” I grabbed my little brother into a bear hug. “No, God. I’m so sorry. I never meant… I’m so glad you’re okay. That you’re alive.”
“But we made a pact.”
“It was a stupid pact. We were starving and hurting. But now we’re not. I want to live, Donny, and I want you to live too.”
It was a stupid pact, but to a seven-year-old little boy, it was a blood promise between brothers. Donny had tried to drown himself because I told him to. We made the suicide pact when we were captive, when we didn’t have any hope left.
And after I…
After I did the unthinkable.
Ending our lives seemed preferable to living the rest of them the way we seemed to be destined to, and after I had…
God, can’t. Can’t even think it.
So Donny and I made a pact. If either of us ever had the chance to end our own life, we’d take it. We’d escape from the hell we were living. That was all we wanted for each other and for ourselves.