“Miss Jade!” Darla calls.
“No, Darla, I’m—”
Then the tears come.
They roll down my cheeks, and sobs get locked in my throat.
Jade hurries in. “What is it, Darla? Is everything o—” She rushes to me when she sees me. “Ashley, honey, what’s going on?”
But no words come. I sink into Jade’s open arms and sob into her shoulder.
“I’ll make some tea.” Darla turns back to the stove.
“Thanks, Darla,” Jade says. “Bring the tea down to the family room.”
As much as I want to cry into Jade’s arms, I manage to gulp back the sobs. Jade leads me down the small stairway into the family room. She sits down on the leather couch and pats the seat beside her.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say.
“I know. Just sit.”
We sit silently for about five minutes until Darla arrives with the teapot, two cups, and a box of selected teas. Jade opens it and hands it to me. “What kind do you like?”
Though I don’t drink coffee, I do like tea every now and then. Today seems as good a time as any to indulge. I take the English Breakfast.
Jade smiles. “I’m surprised. I took you for an herbal tea person.”
I sniffle, and she hands me a box of tissues.
I pull one out and blow into it unceremoniously. “I’m done now.”
“It’s okay.” She takes an Earl Grey bag for herself.
I rip open the foil packet, dunk my tea bag into the hot water, and watch the brown swirls move slowly in intricate patterns.
“You don’t have to talk,” Jade says, “but I know this has to do with my son.”
I nod, still mesmerized by the steeping tea.
“He doesn’t always know what’s good for him.”
“I don’t understand.” I continue to dunk my tea bag rhythmically. “I mean, I do understand about the Syrah. I totally get it. But his birth father…”
“I know,” she says. “Sometimes things affect us differently than we think they will. Dale didn’t think he cared about Floyd, but maybe he did.”
“It doesn’t make sense. Because I understand about birth fathers. I had one too, and he was a horrible person.”
“Did you know him?”
I shake my head. “He died when I was young.”
“What if he hadn’t?” Jade asks. “How would you feel if he came to you today, after abandoning you your whole life?”
“I don’t think I’d care.”
“Really?”
“Really.” I clear my throat. “I only found out recently—in fact, I try not to think about it—but my birth father raped my mother.”
“Oh, Ashley…”
“I’m the product of that rape.” I twist my lips, still dunking the bag. The water has turned a light brown now. “I don’t know how she can even look at me. And all those years, she knew and I didn’t. She cared for me, made sure no one ever hurt me.”
“She loves you.”
“But she didn’t ask for me. I was forced on her.”
Jade smiles. “I’m so sorry for what she went through, but by having you, she can at least understand that the rape led to something good.”
I nod. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”
“You’ll understand when you have a child of your own.”
With that last comment, I’m ready to dissolve into sobs again. A child of my own. I’m in love with Dale, but we’ll never have a child together. We won’t be together.
A baby, though… A baby boy with Dale’s green eyes. He’d be blond, of course, since both of us are blond.
And he’d be beautiful. Just like his daddy.
It’s a nice fantasy, but that’s all it is. A fantasy.
“I still don’t understand,” I say. “I have no feelings for my father, and I don’t think I would if he showed up from the dead tomorrow. Floyd may not have raped Dale’s mother, but he did abandon all three of them. He’s no saint.”
“He’s not,” Jade agrees. “Dale knows that.”
“I wish I could help him. I just don’t know how.”
“Sometimes all you have to do is offer your support.”
Jade is right. I love Dale, and he needs me. So what did I do? I walked out on him. He told me I wasn’t going anywhere, and I went anyway.
“I have to go back,” I say.
She nods. “Finish your tea first. Give Dale a chance to cool off.”
“I’m afraid, though.”
“Of what?”
“That he won’t be there when I get back.”
“I can understand why you’d think that, but he’ll be there. He just got home after two days in the mountains. After surviving a fire. He’ll be there, and he needs you.”
I shake my head. “He doesn’t. He told me not to go, but when I did, he told me not to come back.”
Jade waves her hands dismissively. “If I had a dollar for every time Talon told me to leave when we were just beginning—” She laughs. “Well, we have a lot of money now, but I’d have several dollars more.”