Freed (Steel Brothers Saga 18)

Brock stands then. “I hate it when small businesses take it in the shorts. Sure, we’ll be okay, but what about the Pikes? What about the mom-and-pop shops who depend on our fruit?”

“We’ve got it covered,” Bryce answers. “Like Ry said, we’re going to offer our help to the Pikes, and we can offer small business grants and loans through the foundation, right, Brad?”

Brock’s older brother stands then, and if it’s possible, Bradley Steel is even better looking than Brock. His features are almost feminine, except they’re not, if that makes sense. He’s male model material, with silky black hair and long-lashed hazel eyes.

“Yeah, Henry and I have already been talking internally about what the foundation can do to help.”

I touch Dale’s forearm. “I thought the foundation supported human trafficking and mental illness.”

“It does,” he whispers back. “Those are its two main focuses, but they do other stuff as well. We take care of our community.”

“That’s really nice.” I smile.

Dale doesn’t return my smile, though. He’s still rigid and sullen.

All the talk from his father and uncles about what good shape the ranch is in didn’t affect him at all.

Because to him, the Syrah vines are everything.

And not for the first time, I wonder…

Does he love those vines more than he loves me?

Chapter Nineteen

Dale

My father and uncles keep talking, but I stop listening.

Yes, I get it.

We’re lucky. Damned lucky. The Pikes took the worst of it, and I feel for them. I do. Truly.

But…

I sigh. No one will understand. Even Uncle Ryan stands up there and tries to tell me that my vines are merely things. Things that can be replaced. People can’t be replaced.

Funny thing is that I agree with him. In theory. Even in practice.

Doesn’t make this any easier, though.

Ashley sits next to me, so beautiful and lovely, her smile a beacon in the darkness. The stars shine above, and she rubs her bare arms to warm them.

I’m wearing long sleeves, and though the air is still smoggy from the fire and we’re in a beautiful Indian summer, she’s a California girl. She’s chilly.

“Come here.” I pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her.

She darts her gaze around at the others, all seated at surrounding tables in the backyard. “Dale…”

“What?”

“Here?”

“You’re cold. I’m helping you stay warm. Everyone knows about us anyway, thanks to my mother.”

Yeah, my voice has a definite edge. I’m not angry with my mother so much as… I’m not sure, really. She just irks me sometimes. If Dad had done the same thing, I wouldn’t be irked.

Fuck. Why am I even like this?

Except I know why.

It’s not the abuse I endured as a child.

It’s not the fire and the loss of the vineyards.

It’s not even my father’s confession, though all those things play a role.

It’s something else.

That sinister memory that threatens to surface the more I allow my emotions to control me.

And Ashley…

She brings out emotion in me like no one ever has.

It dawns on me then.

Why my mother irks me. Why I never allowed myself to get close to her.

Because I know how much I loved my birth mother. Losing her, especially after the abduction and torture, nearly broke me.

I couldn’t get close to another mother. Couldn’t set myself up for that again.

Why?

Why now?

Why, after years of therapy, do I just now realize this?

Jade Steel deserves better, and now that I’ve opened up this can of worms—aka emotion—perhaps I can give it to her.

What the hell? I’m all in now, anyway.

I’ll never be able to bury the feelings I possess for Ashley. She fits perfectly in my arms, and even though my groin is tightening as she sits on my lap, I feel so much more than lust and even love for her.

I feel whole.

A wholeness I’ve never felt before. Never allowed myself to feel.

A wholeness I don’t deserve.

Dad and my uncles are still talking and answering questions, but I stopped listening a while ago. I already know how this affects me. I already know that financially, the Steels will never be affected. We have more fortune than we could spend in ten lifetimes. Our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren are already set for life.

That isn’t the purpose of the meeting.

The purpose is family. To reinforce the fact that we’re all in this together.

I breathe in deeply. I will try. I will try to remember that my family is here for me. That my loss is not mine to bear alone. That I can get through this with the woman I love at my side.

I will try.

Try to accept my family’s support even though they don’t understand what those vines mean to me. Even though they can never understand…

I lean forward and press a kiss to Ashley’s shoulder. She turns and meets my gaze, smiling.

I will try…

She’s not letting me off the hook for the two months I promised her.