I swallow a sip of wine. “She just does. What’s this about, Dale?”
He sighs. “I haven’t been fair to my mother.”
“How so?”
“I never let her get close to me.”
“She understands. It’s hard for you.”
“It is, but I had kind of an epiphany tonight about why that is.”
“Why, then?”
“Crap,” he says.
“Not following…”
“I didn’t mean to say that. My emotions… I keep them…”
I can’t help a soft chuckle. “You keep your emotions at bay. That’s not really a surprise to anyone, Dale.”
He smiles slightly. “You’ve made a difference there.”
“I’m glad.”
“I’m letting myself feel something fully for the first time. It scares me.”
“Why would that scare you?”
He clams up then. Takes several sips of his wine. Finally, “I didn’t mean to say all of that.”
“That you’re feeling something fully? That’s a good thing.”
“Something about you…” He sets his empty wineglass on the wooden bar.
“What about me?”
“You make me want to spill my guts, and trust me, Ashley. No one wants that.”
I touch his forearm. “What if I want that?”
He sighs heavily. “You don’t.”
“Who are you to say what I want?”
“Ashley”—he whisks away from my touch—“if I let everything out, we all lose.”
Chills skitter over my flesh.
I’ve always known Dale is hiding something, but for the first time, I realize the magnitude of it.
What he’s hiding isn’t just some run-of-the-mill secret.
It’s huge. It’s why the wall he’s built around himself is nearly impossible to penetrate.
But I…
I penetrated it.
He let me in.
And whatever is in there?
It’s downright frightening.
I’m scared.
Not so much of Dale, but of what’s buried inside him.
Trust me, Ashley. No one wants that.
I’m all in now.
I love this man, no matter what he’s hiding. He needs to know that. I reach forward and cup his cheek, scraping my fingertips over his blond stubble. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
He brushes my hand away.
“If we love each other,” I say, “it will always be okay. I love you.”
Silence.
“And…” I prod.
“It goes without saying, Ashley. I love you. I will always love you. That’s no longer an option.”
I swallow my heart. “Do you want it to be an option?”
He scoffs softly. “For your sake, yes, I wish it were.”
“For my sake?”
“My sweet, beautiful love”—he cups my cheek this time—“if you could see what’s inside me, you’d go running as far away as you could.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Dale
Ashley covers my hand with her own, so we’re both holding on to her warm cheek.
“Try me,” she says indignantly.
God, if she only knew what she was asking.
I shake my head slowly. “I’ll never put you through that.”
“I love you,” she says.
“I know. I love you too.”
“Then there’s nothing we can’t get through, Dale.”
I shake my head again. “I know you believe that, sweetheart.”
Her cheeks pink at my use of the endearment. I’ve never called her sweetheart before. I’ve never called anyone sweetheart before.
“Of course I believe that. It’s true, Dale. Our love will get us through anything.”
“You’re so innocent,” I say.
She scoffs then. A big and sarcastic scoff. “Innocent? Hardly. You know my background. And if you want to know how innocent I am sexually? The answer is that I’m not. I’ve done it all, Dale. Every last thing.”
A spear of jealousy anchors itself in my heart.
I don’t want to know about her sexual past, but she opened the door.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Ask Brock. He knows.”
The spear of jealousy embeds itself deeper. “What?” I say through clenched teeth.
“I told him earlier tonight.” She draws in a breath, as if considering what she’s about to say. Then, “I once took part in an orgy.”
That spear of jealousy? It’s now a blade of fire burning through my entrails.
“You what?” Again through clenched teeth.
“I did. And that’s not all. I’ve been with more than one man at a time. I’ve been with a woman. I’ve been—”
I shut her up the only way I know how—by crushing my mouth onto hers.
Fuck it all.
I still want her. Still love her. I don’t care how much sex she’s had. From now on, though, her only sex will be with me.
Except that…
Except that…
She deserves so much better than to be drawn into my chaos.
“Why don’t you two get a room?”
I break the kiss with a loud smack. Brock is laughing jovially, Henry, Donny, and the others egging him on.
I glare at them.
“Ease up,” Donny says, smiling. “You know my big brother can’t take a joke.”
Then they laugh again.
All of them.
Even Ashley joins in.
It’s all in fun. I know this.
But underneath I hear a mocking jeer. A laugh once so frequent that I got used to it.
They’re laughing again.
Laughing as they drag me out of the room.
Laughing and jeering as they take me away from my little brother.
I kick. I paw. I bite.
I’m rewarded with a punch to the nose. The pain splinters through me as blood gushes. Everything they do to me is painful, but no matter how often they punch my nose, I never get used to the sharp jab and spurting blood.