“Ash…”
“It’s okay. I totally understand.”
“You’re not going to miss your mom’s wedding because of me. You’re going. Your internship will still be here when you get back.”
I’m stuck now. I want to attend my mother’s wedding. I don’t want to leave Dale or the internship.
He still says he’s only giving me these two months, and I don’t want to waste a single day.
On the other hand…this is my mother’s wedding. My mother—the one person who was there for me my whole life.
I must be there.
And…
Maybe Dale needs to be without me.
What’s the old adage?
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.
Damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
I’ll go.
I’ll set Dale free, if only for a few days—a few days after a huge loss. Sounds horrid, but it’s the one way I’ll know for sure if he truly loves me more than anything. Even the vines he lost.
And I’ll pray like hell he comes back to me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Dale
Ashley changed her mind.
“You did the right thing,” Uncle Ry says to me the next afternoon. “You had to let her go. It’s her mom’s wedding.”
“But the internship…”
“Can wait. Aren’t you the one who said we didn’t need an intern?”
“I was right. We don’t.”
He laughs. “You seem to need her, though.”
I don’t reply. Everyone knows, thanks to my mother, and those who didn’t do since I pulled her onto my lap at the meeting last night and then shoved my tongue down her throat at Murphy’s.
No secret, and to be honest? I’m okay with that. My family is probably happy to see me in any kind of a relationship other than with botanicals.
And above all, I do want my family happy.
I want Ashley happy.
And I’m deathly afraid that being with me would eventually make her extremely unhappy.
I can’t live with that.
So I let her go.
And I’ll see if she comes back.
Sure, I gave her a guilt trip about leaving the internship, but that was for me. I didn’t want her to leave. She’ll be back in a few days, but already my world is colorless without her. Funny. She’s the one with synesthesia, but she’s given my world so much color.
The love she brought out in me… It’s made me so happy. Happy enough that I’ve been able to tamp down the darkness.
Now she’s gone, and…
The darkness is coming.
Already I feel it.
Already the chaos tries to consume me. I’ll fight it. I always have, but this is the first time I’ve had to while my emotions have been let out.
“You know you want to,” Uncle Ry is saying.
I jerk out of my mind. “Want to what?”
“Go to Vegas. Be with Ashley.”
“What?”
“Have you been listening to me at all, Dale? I said you should go to Las Vegas. You know you want to.”
I thread my fingers through my long hair. “I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. It’s all there. In your eyes, whenever her name is mentioned.”
“You’re imagining things. I’m happy for her. It’s her mother’s wedding, for God’s sake.”
“And she’ll be back in a few days.”
“Right.” I clear my throat. “She’ll be back in a few days.”
But what will I be like when she returns? I can throw myself into my work. Winemaking is my passion. I can help complete the harvest. I love being outdoors. I can take to the mountains until she gets home. It’s still fire season, of course, but I know how to protect myself. Or I can…
Go to Las Vegas.
Be with Ashley.
The winemaking will wait. It’s only a few days. I’m using it as an excuse, and Uncle Ry knows it.
I know it too.
“Just go,” he says. “Please. For all of our sakes.”
That gets a slight chuckle out of me. “I’m fine, Uncle Ry. Really.”
“Dale, you’re not fine. You’re grieving for what you’ve lost in the Syrah vineyards. That’s okay. Grieve. But let us all help you, and the person you need now more than any of us is Ashley.”
“I won’t ruin her mother’s wedding.”
“Of course you won’t. Ashley wants you there.”
“I mean… Fuck. I’m a mess, and you know it.”
“Sure you are. We all are. Maybe you more than the rest of us because the Syrah means so much to you.”
Yeah. Me more than the rest of them for reasons they don’t even know. Reasons that spear into me even more than losing some of my vines.
“Just go,” Ryan says again. “A few days won’t make a difference here. You know that as well as I do.”
“She’s on a flight. She may have already landed.”
“So get on a flight yourself. Or you can be there in seven hours if you start driving.”
“I don’t know where she is. Where she’s staying. Where the wedding will be.”
He scoffs, shaking his head. “She has a phone. Call her.”
But I won’t call her. I want to surprise her. I smile at the thought. Surprising the woman I love.