“Taking you to an early dinner. I need to thank you for today, for believing in me.”
“It’s my job, Travis.”
I pretend that her comment doesn’t sting, but it does. I want her to believe in me as a person, not the athlete. “Well, as your client, I would like to take you to dinner.”
“Travis!” The little squeal catches my attention. By the time I can react, tiny arms are wrapped around my legs, and I stumble slightly.
“Hey, Lucy. What are you doing out here by yourself?” I look at Saylor, who looks pissed.
“I’m with my grammy,” she says, pointing behind her. Saylor follows her daughter’s finger and shakes her head. I wave at Saylor’s mom, Norma, remembering her from previous encounters.
“Lucy, you shouldn’t run off like that,” Saylor scolds. She says something quickly to her mother, who waves goodbye.
“But, Mommy, I was so excited that you invited Travis for dinner that I forgot.”
I look up and can’t keep the smile off my face. Saylor is fuming. Her toe is tapping, and if I’m not mistaken, she’s clenching her jaw rather tightly by the look on her face.
“What’s for dinner?”
“Chicken nuggets,” Lucy says with a shrug.
I squat down so I’m her height, and while looking between Lucy and Saylor, I say, “How about we go out for pizza? I know a great place that I think you and your mom will like.”
Twelve
Saylor
She’s five. That is what I keep reminding myself. And to her, Travis is like a shiny toy. An annoying doesn’t-ever-shut-off toy that is trying to weasel his way into my life despite the fact that I’ve told him nothing is going to change between us.
This is one of the hazards of my job. The too-cute, too-sweet athletes who try to sweep me off my feet and show me that they’re interested in me. I’d be interested, too, especially with Travis, if I knew the outcome. If I were guaranteed a happy-ever-after, I’d jump at the opportunity. Unfortunately, not even Travis can give me that.
Travis holds Lucy’s hand all the way to the restaurant. Watching them together really makes me long for a partner, someone for Lucy to have in her life. And maybe even have another child. When I found out I was pregnant with her, I imagined a life with Elijah, with a house full of love and children. Sadly, I don’t see any of those dreams coming true, and I’m okay with that. I’m happy with my life, happy with it being Lucy and me.
He holds the door for us and places his hand on the small of my back when he steps in behind me. The thick fabric of my coat acts as a barrier, preventing me from feeling his hand against my skin. Last night, when he held me, my skin ignited. The warmth that he made me feel by that simple act was enough to make me run from him. It would’ve been so easy for me to sleep there, nestled in his arms, but I can’t do that to myself.
Travis asks that we be seated in the kid section, causing me to give him a confused look. Even parents don’t like sitting there, but we do because it makes our children happy.
Lucy’s eyes light up, and she starts clapping. “Mommy, can I go play?”
“Yes, but give me your stuff first,” I tell her as I reach for her hat while she takes off her coat and mittens. Her hair is standing every which way due to static, and I try to tame it before she runs off.
“My hair used to do that when I was a kid,” Travis says as he takes his cap off and runs his hand through his hair.
“It still does.” I sit down across from him and remove my scarf and unbutton my coat.
“Nah, now it’s cool for a guy to have hair like this. They call it sex hair.” He smiles, and against my better judgment, I smile back. We stare at each other. His blue eyes dance around, taking in the way I’m looking at him. His eyes seem to change color, maybe with his mood, but tonight they’re vibrant and full of life. Nothing like the dull version they were earlier. Or maybe it’s the fluorescent lights playing tricks and I’m making excuses to stare at him, because there’s no way his crooked smile is reeling me in, except it is, and I know that I could easily get lost in him, in his world.
His hand reaches across the table for mine. Before I let him take it so I can torture myself with what I can’t have, I look around the section we’re in and see that the only other family here is tucked into the corner. They seem lost in their own world and not paying attention to the man sitting across from me. Our fingers thread together, and his thumb brushes idly against my skin.
That night with him is so vivid in my mind—the way he made me feel like I was the only one that mattered to him. I knew what I was doing when I left with him. I wanted it. I needed the escape from my reality. And I was lonely. Travis filled that void. As his knee brushes mine under the table, my leg slides forward and rests against his. The subtle flirting is agonizing and needs to stop, but he makes me feel desired, and that’s something I haven’t felt since the last time we were together. He doesn’t need to know that I haven’t been with anyone since him.
“Can I take your order?” The young waitress interrupts us, causing us to break apart. I feel the loss of him more than I care to admit.
“Uh, yeah,” Travis says as he reaches for the menu. “What kind of pizza does Lucy like?” he asks.
“Cheese is fine.”
“And you?” he asks, looking me in the eye.