I stick my hand against the door, preventing her from closing it. One small push and it’s open, and she’s stumbling back. Stepping in, I shut it behind me and lock it for good measure. I don’t want that asshole from last night interrupting us.
“Is Lucy home?”
Saylor shakes her head, pulling her robe tighter around her waist. It hasn’t gone unnoticed that she won’t look at me. I step closer, gauging her reaction. She doesn’t move, and that’s a relief. Gently, I reach out and caress her cheek until my fingers are under her chin, lifting her face until I can see into her eyes. Her bluish-green orbs are dull and lifeless, and the whites around her eyes are bloodshot.
“What happened?”
“You,” she spits out, yanking herself away from me. I stand frozen, watching as tears stream down her face. “I told you that we couldn’t be together, and you pushed. You made me feel things for you when you knew I wasn’t allowed. You used me and you used my daughter to spy on that woman, putting us in harm’s way each and every time we left here. I told you over and over again that we could never have anything more than a professional relationship, but that wasn’t good enough for you. You had to parade us in front of your victim so she could see that you chose me that night instead of her.”
My mouth hangs open at the verbal attack. I don’t have a clue as to what she’s referring to, because I would never in my life do anything to harm her or Lucy. “Saylor—”
“Don’t,” she says, holding up her hand. “Don’t tell me you’re fucking sorry, Travis,” she cries out, using the back of her hand to wipe away her tears. “For a moment, I let my guard down and believed you. I wanted the fucking fairy tale where my knight in shining armor swoops in and saves me from this mediocre existence I’m living, but I knew better and know this is why Jeffrey forbids us from dating the athletes…because they always do something to fuck everything up, and it messes with our minds. It screws up how we represent you, favoring one over the other. I was so stupid to believe that you actually cared for me.” She stops and shakes her head.
“I do.”
“Then why did you take us to all those places knowing she’d be there? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“Saylor, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She pulls her phone out of her robe pocket and fiddles with it until an audio recording plays. It sounds like a press conference that she’s speaking at, and the questions being asked are referencing the dates we went on.
“What the fuck? Saylor, you have to believe me. Until I ran into her at the restaurant, I hadn’t seen her since the night at the bar. The time I was spending with you and Lucy is genuine. It’s because I wanted to be here. It’s because you both matter to me so much. I spent any free time I had coming up with excuses to be at your door every single day.
“Saylor, baby,” I hedge as I step closer to her. “Every day that I spent with you and Lucy only made my feelings for you grow stronger. Since the first night we ever spent together, I have craved your body, desired to know your soul, and longed to be a part of your life. The women I’ve been with since you pale in comparison to the hold you have on me.”
I’m met with a tear-streaked face and sadness in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter, because I lost everything anyway.”
“What are you talking about? You haven’t lost me. I’ll figure things out with Jeffrey, and everything will be fine.”
She lets out a sob and steps farther away from me. “The man you saw last night—that’s Lucy’s dad,” she says, reminding me of what he said when I was holding Lucy in my arms. I may have been drunk, but I’d never forget those words. “This is really the first time he’s had an interest in her since I told him I was pregnant with her. I hate him,” she says, shaking her head. “But he has rights and pays child support. He’s here because he wants to get to know her, but she only asks about you, and that pisses him off to no end.” Saylor walks over to the window and rests her head on the pane. “He’s a powerful lawyer in Virginia and has friends here. He’s also jealous and petty, and when he found out we were seeing each other, he gave me an ultimatum.”
“Which was?” I ask, swallowing hard. She doesn’t even need to answer me, because I already know what she’s going to say.
“I end things with you and he doesn’t take Lucy away.”
“He can’t do that to you, Saylor. You’re her mother.”
She turns to me and laughs. “He can, because what you’re forgetting is that I’m on probation, and he’ll use that against me. I also told him that you didn’t mean anything to me, so when you blurted out that we had been together, that enraged him. He served me papers this morning, asking for full and immediate custody of Lucy because I’m an unfit parent for having an accused rapist in my home and near my daughter.” Saylor turns back toward the window and sobs quietly.
Her words rip me limb from limb, leaving me numb and in pain. Everything that I’ve touched since that night in the bar has been ruined. The woman who I desperately want to be with hates me.
“I’ll fix this. I promise you, I’ll fix this,” I tell her before leaving. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but Irvin must be able to help her. If not, he has to know enough people that I can get some dirt on Lucy’s father and blackmail him.
Thirty
Saylor
Every time I pick up the summons to appear in court to answer questions on child endangerment, my stomach heaves. There’s nothing left; it’s all been expelled from the moment I answered the door and the process server was kind enough to hand me the papers. I knew what they were before I even opened the envelope.
For the first time in my life, I feel weak. Every bone in my body aches. It hurts to swallow, to move, and to breathe. I thought the day Elijah left me was my worst, but this supersedes anything I was feeling back then by far.
I can’t imagine a day in my life in which Lucy doesn’t exist or a time when I can’t see her. She’s always been by my side or in my arms. And now that will likely go away because of another stupid mistake on my part.
Aside from Travis, no one knows that Elijah is asking for custody. Last night after the blowup, I asked my mom to take Lucy, because I needed to think. I needed time to process the outburst from Elijah about seeing me in court. I never expected Elijah to follow through with his threat. I thought he’d ask for visitation, but to actually take her away from me when she doesn’t even know him is wrong. Any other woman in my situation would know that her ex wouldn’t stand a chance, except Elijah has connections and I have no doubt in my mind that he’ll use those to hurt me, to make me suffer for not heeding his demands.
And Travis. I don’t even know where to start with him. He’s an error in judgment, not once, but more than a dozen times now, and while it feels amazing to have him in my life, it’s done nothing but bring me pain, and my latest error is going to destroy me physically and mentally. I will not be able to survive without Lucy and will be forced to move to Virginia so I can see her.
My breath fogs up the cold window, and I use my bare hand to wipe away the condensation so I can see what the people of Boston are doing. Children skip along behind their parents or babysitters, splashing in the leftover puddles from the melted snow. I wish I