Hawk (The Boys of Summer 4)

“You should talk to your mom, Matty.”

“Did you know about me?” Her voice breaks and now I’m fighting my own emotions.

I clear my throat and tap my feet nervously. “If I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“I think you’re my dad,” she says, breaking my heart.

I nod. “I think I may be too, but we need to sit down with your mom. Only she knows the answer.”

Matty and I agree that we’ll speak to Annie after the game. Matty doesn’t want to wait and I don’t either, especially if things aren’t going that well at home. I can’t imagine how Brett will react once he finds out I know. Right now, my life feels like a bad soap opera and I don’t like it. I need structure, consistency. My life needs to be in order, or I feel out of sorts, and right now it’s a huge cluster.

By the time Bellamy arrives, she knows everything. I told Matty I had to use the restroom, but I went and called Bellamy instead, filling her in. Her eyes are wide when she approaches me. Without a word, she pulls me into her arms and assures me that everything’s going to be okay. But will it? How can I go back to Boston and not worry about Matty’s home life? Worry about Bellamy and Chase? What if Brett decides to do something to one or all three of them? If life in Richfield is weighing heavily on my mind, I won’t be focused on the game, and that’ll hurt my return.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll figure it out,” she says reassuringly but I’m not sure she even believes her own words. “Right now, you have a game to coach and a team of kids waiting for your words of wisdom.”

“Right,” I say.

“Oh, and a set of bleachers full of your teammates . . . so you might want to win this one.” She winks and gives me a kiss before turning toward the stands. My eyes follow her until she’s with my friends. It’s fun to see them having a good time being spectators at a baseball game, rather than playing in one. I’m sure the wives are enjoying it as well.

In the dugout, the kids are sitting on the bench, waiting for me to give them a pep talk. I’m about to open my mouth when my eyes land on Matty’s. She smiles brightly, which tells me she’s ready. I crouch down and motion for the kids to gather around me.

“Don’t worry about who is in the stands today, okay? They’re just normal people, here to watch you play this game. If you utilize the skills we’ve been working on, you’ll succeed. Matty and Alexis will take care of the plate, while the rest of you watch the ball go into your mitt, know how many outs there are and where the play is. Most importantly, talk. Cheer on your pitcher, catcher and other players. Positive reinforcements and happy thoughts. Everyone in.” A dozen plus hands are thrust at me and piled on top of one another. “Family, on three. One, two, FAMILY,” is yelled loudly. By the time I stand, the kids are out on the field.

“You never make it to three,” Owen points out.

“So, their math skills aren’t the best,” I say, laughing.

Because we’re on defense first, I’m stuck behind the fence of the dugout, trying to encourage Matty. I thought about pulling her, but she assured me she was okay. After she throws her last warm-up pitch, I jog out to the mound and place my hand on her shoulder. “You good?”

She nods. “I can do this.”

“Okay, you say the word when it becomes too much. No one can ever fault you for not finishing a game. I’ve been there many times.”

The ump yells, “Play ball!” and that’s my cue to get off the field. I give Matty a fist bump and jog back to the dugout, but not before I spot Brett standing at the fence. I wish I could say he was on our side, but he’s standing with our opponent, showing Matty exactly where his allegiances lie. I look around for Annie and don’t see her which pisses me off even more. She should be here no matter what.

The first boy comes up to bat and points toward the outfield. I want to chuckle, but I used to be that cocky. Now, I can’t bat for the life of me.

“Let’s go Matty!” I clap my hands and wait for her to deliver the first pitch.

“Strike,” the ump calls.

I give Alexis the next sign and she sends it to Matty.

Strike two.

Alexis stands, throws the ball back to Matty and looks at me for the next sign. I give it to her and watch as she squats down, gives the sign to her pitcher and sets up.

Before I go back to my spot, I find Annie, staring at me. She’s at the end of our dugout, far away from everyone. I only look at her for a second before turning my attention back to the game. After Matty strikes out the side and I’ve praised her, I take a few steps toward Annie.

“We need to talk after the game, Annie.”

“Don’t have anything to say.”

I chuckle. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but it felt damn good coming out of my mouth and I’m rather proud of myself. Back in the dugout, Javier is calling out the line-up and Owen is heading toward first.

“Matty and Alexis started us off with a bang, let’s finish it!” I say to the team. “Who’s up first?”