Finding My Forever (Beaumont 3)

“Congratulations. Are you happy?” she asks.

I nod. I pull away and wipe away my tears. “I am. I really am.” I set my hand on my stomach and smile. “This is a good thing.”

“It is, babies are wonderful, believe me I want another one, but it’s not in the cards. But do me a favor and really think about telling the dad. I wish Liam were there for Noah. I know that things with him and I may not have worked, but I have no doubt he would’ve been there for his son. Every dad needs to be able to make that choice himself.”

When I made the decision not to tell, I hadn’t thought about what Liam and Noah have gone through. Or even Nick. But this man, he doesn’t want this. He wants his life the way it is and this isn’t a bump in the road, it’s a sinkhole, and I’m not sure if me being pregnant is enough to make him change his life.

“WHAT are you doing here?”

I look up from my piece of sheet music and find Liam at the door. The studio has a private entrance and we’ve always been told it’s okay to come whenever we want, but judging by the look on his face, he doesn’t want me here right now.

“It’s late.”

I take a quick look at my phone and notice the time. “I’ll go.”

“No, stay,” he says, moving further into the room. He picks up his guitar only to put it back down. He walks towards Harrison’s drums, hitting the cymbal with his fingers a few times before walking back in my direction. The studio isn’t that big with all our equipment in here and his wandering around makes the room feel much smaller.

“Do you ever feel like your head is going to explode?”

“All the time. Why, are you and Josie having problems?”

Liam shakes his head. “Her and I are solid. Every day I have with her is the happiest day of my life.”

“If this is about a manager, I have a mate who’s in a band. I can ask him and see if his manager is interested in helping us out. We might even be able to do a tour with them this summer if we need to.”

“It’s not about the band. We’ll figure that shit out. It’s about life.”

I have no idea where he’s going with this, but if he says he’s happy with Josie then I don’t have a clue what’s weighing so heavily on his mind. This is the notable difference we’ve all seen in Liam since he moved back to Beaumont. It’s like he’s more human. Before, he wouldn’t give a shit about anything, but now everything matters. I like this Liam, but I’m not gonna lie, the emo crap gets on my nerves.

“Is it Noah?”

“No, it’s Jenna.”

Jenna? What the hell could be going on with Jenna that Liam would be so depressed about? I don’t want to be nosey, but I’m curious. I know I’m not as close to her as he and Harrison are, but I still consider us to be family and if she’s in trouble I’d like to be able to help. I don’t know if there’s anything I could do, but I’d damn well try.

“What’s wrong with Jenna? I thought the ex was gone.”

“He is, at least according to Paul.”

Liam stops talking and sits down on his stool. He picks up his acoustic guitar and strums a few chords.

“Do you know how I found out about Noah?”

“No,” I say. Liam kept Noah a secret from us for a while after he found out about him. Harrison and I never understood why, but I think it’s because he was afraid that Josie was going to take him away.

“I was hav

ing a meltdown over Mason’s death and everything was closing in. I was minutes away from saying ‘fuck it’. Instead, I got on my bike and started driving and ended up at this sports museum we have in the next town. Walking in was a mistake because there I was, staring back at myself. I was being mocked by the cocky teenager that I was and there wasn’t shit I could do about it.

“I could hear the crowds cheering in my head. I could remember every pass I had thrown to Mason and every touchdown I had. All these memories came flooding back and it was the sound of laughter that broke me. I ran to the bathroom to hide because I didn’t want to be recognized.

“When I came out, this boy… this shaggy haired boy was crying and I thought he was being bullied and remembered that Mason and I beat the crap out of some kid in high school for bullying someone who was weaker than us. I felt rage boiling inside of me. Do you know what I did?”

I shake my head.

“I spoke to him and he told me that he wasn’t allowed to speak to strangers and I thought ‘wow, what a smart kid’. It was when he said he’d seen me kissing his mom that I knew. I tried to play it off, but one look and it was obvious. One look into his eyes and I saw her, the one I left behind. I knew I had fucked up so badly that I’d never be forgiven. I knew that I was never leaving Beaumont again because I had a son whether this boy knew I was his dad or not. I would’ve stayed in the background just to watch him grow up, but I would’ve been there.”

“Josie loves you, Liam.”