Finding My Forever (Beaumont 3)

JIMMY sleeps soundly next to me with his arm lying protectively over my ever-growing belly. The sun is just peeking through my wi

ndow and the only thing missing is the sound of birds chirping. It’s the fairytale part of this whirlwind adventure that I’ll never see, but maybe secretly hope for. I hold up my left hand so the sun can hit my ring just right. The light dances, creating a prism of colors and shapes on my ceiling. I used to do this when I was a child, playing with my father’s watch while my mother washed dishes. I’d giggle each time she’d bat away the light acting as if it was some bug bothering her. I hope to create those moments with my child.

We’ve been home barely twelve hours, coming straight to my… our apartment from the airport. We both fell, albeit without grace and tact, into bed once we walked in the door. Honestly, I didn’t expect Jimmy to stay. I thought the excuses would start tumbling out of his mouth the minute the taxi pulled up in front of my building. But he didn’t. He stayed. He asked what side of the bed was his and undressed in front of me. We pulled back the comforter together, turned off the bedside lights at the same time and burrowed deep next to each other. He held my hands in his, his thumb roaming over the top of my ring until my eyes closed. I felt his lips press against my forehead just as I was drifting off. And I don’t know what to think about all of this. It seems to be too much too fast. I know he’s not in love with me, nor am I with him. But a small part of me wants us to be even though I know it’ll never happen. Someone like Jimmy can never love someone like me.

Jimmy pulls me closer, he’s waking up. Even though it’s only been two weeks of sharing a bed and each other’s bodies, I know him. I know what each look means. I know when he wants to be with me. I know when he’s tired, hungry and even when he wants to be left alone. I know most of his expressions except for one and that one lingers in the back of mind. Is he hiding something? I can’t figure that out yet and it kills me. Part of me wants to hate that I know all of this about him and the other part, the part that I shouldn’t listen to, wants to hold him in my arms and never let him go. That part wants to build a life, a home and family with him and trust that everything is going to be okay. Sadly, we’re back in the real world and my heart aches knowing that my fantasy is short lived. He has a life in California and he’ll be returning there, and as much as I hope it’s to just pack his clothes and return, I feel otherwise. What if I’m not enough to keep him interested? I’m going to get fat, bitchy and hormonal. He’s Jimmy. His reputation is less than stellar. The stories from Liam and Josie are enough to write a novel. He’s young and probably doesn’t realize the mistake we’ve made by getting married. Or the mistake I’ve made by giving him my body repeatedly.

My fingers move back and forth along his arm. The action seems natural, like it’s something that I should be doing even if I’m thinking my marriage is going to fall apart at a moment’s notice. Jimmy’s lips press against my temple, my cheek and then the side of my lips before he snuggles into the crook of my neck. If he acts like this, then why isn’t it enough for me to accept that he’s here for all the right reasons? His hand spreads out on my bump, his fingers start to tap along my skin. I’m curious as to what song he’s playing, but am tongue-tied and not able to ask. It’s stupid. I’m stupid. My feelings are stupid and I’m starting to hate that every image I have of Jimmy is tainted even though he hasn’t given me a reason to feel this way. But my head… it’s telling me to run and run fast.

I close my eyes and mentally run through everything that has to be done today. First, find my parents and share the good news with them. I can’t believe I let Jimmy take me away for two weeks and didn’t once call and check in. I know I’m an adult, but under the circumstances, I’m sure my parents are worried. They don’t know Jimmy like I do and they’re here to see me, to make sure everything is okay and I just upped and left. What kind of daughter does that make me? At some point we need to share the news with our friends. They’ll be happy, right? Of course they will, they’re our friends and Jimmy and I are having a baby. Everyone will be happy.

I need to stop thinking so negatively. I’m having a baby and I thought I was going to have to do this alone, but now that’s not the case. He’s here, by my side, and that’s going to have to be enough for now.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, Sweet Lips?” Jimmy kisses my neck, moving toward my ear. He pulls me closer as if he thinks I’m going somewhere. If he only knew that’s the fear I carry with me where he’s concerned.

“Life,” I say with a shrug.

Jimmy rises up on his elbow and moves my hair away from my face. He leans forward and kisses my nose. He pulls back slowly, his hand trailing down my side. “Don’t frown, beautiful. I love your smile and you should be happy.”

“Why’s that, Jimmy?”

Jimmy moves over the top of me. He leans on his arms, keeping his weight off of me. I fight the urge to pull him down on top of me, to feel him against me.

“Wifey, I never want to see you sad. It’s my job to make you happy and if I’m not doing my job then I need to kick my own arse. Now tell me, what’s with the frown?”

I fight the urge to shrug and roll my eyes. He’s trying and I owe it to him to try as well. I take a deep breath and look him in his eyes. “I feel like crap for being gone for two weeks while my parents are here… or were. For all I know they’ve left because I disappeared. I should’ve called and checked in or something.”

He moves to my side, but keeps his leg in between mine. His hand rests, again, on my stomach. He’s doing everything I’ve always wanted my husband to do, everything I imagined. The caring caress, the eagerness to touch and feel his child. It’s what I want so why do I continue to have doubts?

“You were on your honeymoon. I think you’re mum and dad will forgive you.”

I shake my head. “They didn’t know I was getting married, Jimmy. Heck, I didn’t even know. I should’ve called them.”

“So why didn’t you? You had your phone and there was a phone in the room. You could’ve called and told them, but you didn’t. Are you embarrassed about me?”

His question takes me by surprise. I shake my head, vigorously. “Why would you ask such a question, Jimmy?”

This time he’s the one shrugging. “If you’re worried about your parents, you could’ve called them, but you didn’t. If you’re regretting getting married, just tell me. I’m a big boy, I can handle it, but you should know that I’ll be here for you and the baby.” He kisses me quickly before extracting himself, leaving me with words caught in my throat.

HE’S sweet. He’s caring. He’s good looking. He’s sexy. He’s my husband and I’m about to introduce him as such to my parents and best friend. My eyes are riveted on him as he walks in front of my car. The jeans he’s wearing accentuate his ass and I giggle at myself for even staring. But I can stare and touch because he’s allowed me free reign over his body, as I’ve allowed him. I shouldn’t feel nervous about what we’re about to do. We’re adults and we’re pregnant. We’re being responsible, albeit sudden and rash.

Jimmy opens the car door and holds out his hand, waiting for me to place mine in his. When I do, he tugs lightly, encouraging me to get out of the car. I take my place beside him and we walk hand in hand to Josie and Liam’s house. We don’t knock, no one does. When we step in, laughter rings out from the living room.

We step into the living room, our hands linked together. Jimmy’s finger moves over my rings, squeezing my hand at the same time. If he’s nervous, he’s doesn’t look it. He clears his throat, loudly, causing everyone to turn and look. I smile, but it feels weak.

“You’re back and you’re… holding hands?” Josie is the first one to speak. Her eyes scan over us, full of questions.

“Jenna, what’s going on?” my dad asks. I swallow hard and look at Jimmy. He’s looking at me. His eyes sparkle with excitement. I look back at my parents, Josie and Liam, and take a deep breath.

“We got married.” Jimmy raises our hands in the air in triumph, like we just won some award. My mom gasps and Josie’s mouth drops open. I think we’ve given new meaning to ‘expect the unexpected’. Right now, I think everyone in the room is shocked.

“You did what?” I expect this question from my dad, but not Liam. He pushes past my dad and stands before us. The sleeves of his black t-shirt are rolled over his biceps showing his physique. “What the fuck did you say?”

“Jenna and I got married.” Jimmy says, confidently.

“Why?” Liam looks confused and I try not to let that hurt. Does he think I’m not good enough for Jimmy?

Jimmy looks at me. I can feel his gaze penetrating me. He’s waiting for me to look at him and give him the okay. I nod, barely, but enough for him to know it’s time.