Finding My Forever (Beaumont 3)

“You look like my husband.” I set the warm sponge onto his skin. He shivers and as much as I’d love to say it’s because I’m touching him, I know it’s from the cold air. “They had to go in and stop the bleeding. If they hadn’t, we would’ve lost you.” I clean around the cut they made and make my way to the first bullet hole. “He shot you here, Jimmy, while I was watching you perform, while Liam was singing Little One’s song. I saw him in the crowd, but the security guard couldn’t understand what I was saying until he saw the gun. I tried to get to you, but Liam stopped me. He saw you fall to the ground. Harrison carried me away from you.

“The bullet exited here,” I say, as I move to the other side. “Liam held you until the medics arrived. He put his knee on one side and his hand here to stop the bleeding. Days later the medics stopped by and told him if he hadn’t done that they would’ve lost you on the way here. He saved my family.”

I make my way down his body. He looks at me when I drip water over his semi-erect penis.

“I shouldn’t be turned on, but I am.”

I laugh and shake my head.

“The doctor said we can’t have sex for a while.”

“You asked?”

“Yeah, I haven’t been able to please my wifey for a month. I have a lot of catching up to do.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jimmy.”

“Can I tell you about Chelsea?”

“You don’t have to, Harrison filled me in.”

“I want to.”

“Okay,” I say, sitting down in the hard plastic chair next to his bed. I pick his hand up, careful of the IV and place it to my lips. This is going to be hard for him and the last thing I want is for him to think I’m angry. I’m not. I almost lost my husband. It’s going to take a lot to piss me off these days.

“When I went back to LA, I found out that she had moved into my flat an

d was spouting all this crap about being pregnant. We had slept together a few days before you and I got married so I thought for one fucked up moment that I had ruined everything with you.

“I was so stupid, Jenna. I had a bad feeling about it straight away, but didn’t leave. I saw Chelsea and my dad together, but couldn’t for the life of me understand why my dad would do that to me. I went and saw him and thought that after I told him about you and Little One, he’d own up but he didn’t.

“I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to think that I cheated on you because I didn’t. From the moment I asked you to marry me, I’ve been yours.”

Tears drip down my face as he tries to pull me closer. I don’t let on that he’s not at full strength yet and move to where he needs me. “I just want to hold you, Jenna.”

He doesn’t know what those words mean to me. It’s not that he wants to hold me, but opening up about his dad and ex means the world to me.

I adjust so I can lie with him easily. I’ve been doing this for a month. I’m a pro now. I rest my head in the crook of his neck and play with the stubble on his chin. It doesn’t escape me that this is what I’ve been waiting for. I’ve needed this moment since the night of the concert and he knows it.

I’M experiencing one of the most erotic moments in my life and there isn’t jack shit I can do about it. I’m too weak physically and because of that I can’t even begin to please my wife. I can only remember what she feels like wrapped around my dick and how she sounds when she’s moaning my name. Fuck, right now I can’t even breathe without the aid of some godforsaken machine. I want to get out of this bed, but I can’t. I can’t even have a piss by myself. I have to take a leak into a bucket. Thank fuck the plastic tube sticking out of my dick has gone. I hate thinking about everything my wife has seen this past month. I hate that she’s seeing the absolute worst from me.

For better or for worse, in sickness and health – those are the vows we said to each other, and look at me taking advantage of those words to the max. I’m going to throw myself my own fucking pity party and ask her to buy me a bloody cake so I can celebrate. Her fucking nutter of an ex shot me like the bastard coward he is. He can’t fight like a man. No, he hits women and when that doesn’t do it for him, he shoots people.

If I ever…

I close my eyes as the sponge moves over my body. Her touch is gentle and soothing. I can tell without even asking her, that she’s been doing this the entire time I’ve been here. I’m glad it’s her. Not that I want her to stare at my fucked up body, but she has the most reason to take care of me. With my luck I would probably have got my own personal Sam and she’d cut my crown jewels off or something equally as messed up.

I have my wife – one that loves me – no matter what and if this doesn’t prove that we’re going to make it through anything, I don’t know what will.

I listen intently as she recounts what happened. Her voice – it does something to me, even though it shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be turned on right now, but I am. My arm, the one without all the wires, tries to move, but it’s slow and unsteady. It’s unbelievable how one month of no movement renders it useless. My fingers finally get close enough to touch her hair when she smiles at me. She leans forward and rests her head in the crook of my neck. My limp arm falls on her. Romantic, right?

“I just want to hold you, Jenna.” I can’t even begin to think how she’s felt this past month. If I do, I’ll go crazy. If she was in this bed and our roles were reversed, I don’t know what I would’ve done.

Having her lie beside me isn’t enough, but I know that’s all I’m going to get at the moment. She’s not going to let me get away with anything.

“You should put your oxygen mask on.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. “I’m trying to love you right now.” I’m almost out of breath and can’t even think about how different my life is going to be now. “I need to hold you.”