“Never mind. I’m going.”
“Don’t you dare leave,” she cries, pulling on my arm. “You were cheating on me.”
“The fuck I was,” I roar. “I’ve never even looked at another girl, unlike you and your touchy-feely bullshit with Ashford.” Josie drops her hands and steps back. I laugh to myself and groan. “You don’t think I see you in the hallway but I do. I see you touch his arm when you’re talking to him. I see the way you smile at him.”
“He’s a friend,” she says, quietly.
“Yeah well so is Candy, so there, we’re even.”
“Is that what this was? Are you trying to get even with me because of Nick?”
“No, Josie. I
’m trying to numb the fucking pain of not having anyone in my life that gives a shit. My parents didn’t even show up for my own fucking graduation, and when I thought I’d be with you, your father tells me I’m not welcome. So I did what I needed to do and if that means I went the Appleton’s to get drunk so be it, and I happened to smoke with Candy, so fucking what? After today, who really gives a God damn shit how I feel or what I do?” I realize I’m yelling and pointing at her and I don’t like that. We’ve never been down this path before and it’s not someplace I want to be with her. I put my hands back in my pockets and turn away from her.
“I do,” she whispers, weakly. She reaches for me, but I shy away. I don’t want her to touch me out of pity and that’s exactly what she’s doing. Earlier, she should’ve pitied me, spoke up to her father, but she didn’t.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Josie.”
“Of course it does.”
I shake my head and wish I were back on that swing getting drunk with Candy because she didn’t care about anything. She just wanted someone to drink with.
“I’ll see ya around.” Only after I say those words do I understand the magnitude behind them. I don’t wait for her response. I walk away. Nothing good is going to come from talking to her tonight or even tomorrow.
Chapter 20
There’s only been one other time in my life, well the life I’ve shared with Josie, that I’ve gone longer than two days without talking to her. Those days were unavoidable since I was with Sterling touring colleges. But at night, I’d sneak out and call her and just say hi so I could hear her voice. But as I lay here now, with my arms behind my head and staring at the ceiling she painted, I can’t bring myself to call her or even muster enough courage to get out of bed to go to her.
I’m a dick, an ass, a piece of shit boyfriend. I’m whatever names I can conjure up in my head to describe the feelings I’m having about myself. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong about what happened the other night. I do know that I’m confused. I’m hurt and angry and I’m counting the days until my feet land on campus so I can put Beaumont behind me. Graduation wasn’t what I thought it was going to be and by the end of the night, everything was nothing but a fucking blur. Worst of all, my girl and I walked away from each other not speaking.
I keep thinking that life is supposed to be easy, simple even. I don’t see Mason having all these problems. I know Katelyn’s mom is uptight and not a fan of Mason’s, but she doesn’t tell Katelyn to stop seeing him. Mason’s dad has been to all our games and yeah, my dad shows up, but he’s not there to watch me play. He’s there to make sure I don’t do anything to embarrass him, like ask for a sub when I’m tackled and can’t breathe. No, Liam Westbury would never ask for a sub. “Suck it up, son,” he has said so many times over and over again.
I’m selfish. I know this. I have the life most guys my age want. I’m going to college to play football for free. I have a hot ass girlfriend and my parents don’t give a shit if I come home at night. What more could an eighteen year old ask for?
I want someone to care. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, but maybe it is and I should just give up the notion that someone will someday and just go with the flow of having a shitty life the rich way.
My door opens and I don’t even lift my head to see why my mom is in my room. She has no business being in here. It’s not like she’s having a sudden change of heart and is going to invite me to join her for lunch. She probably doesn’t have permission to even be in my room. Sterling would never allow it. I have no doubt he hides her vodka to get her to comply with his demands. I’ll never be like him. I’d rather be alone and living in a cardboard box before I act like that prick.
“Liam,” she says only it’s not my mom it’s Josie. I lift my head slightly just to confirm that my ears aren’t bullshitting me. I’ve been in my room since the night of graduation, for all I know I’m hallucinating because there’s no way in hell Josie Preston would set foot in this house unless she knows for sure that no one is home.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, laying my head back down. I can’t look at her knowing that we’re through. These past few days have been the worst of my life, and a glimpse of what college will be like. I knew I wouldn’t have her with me, but at least we’d talk. Now we’re not even doing that.
The foot of my bed dips as she sits down. I stay in the same position. I’m not going to look at her knowing that she’s here to make sure we’re finished. I know how town gossip works, I’m sure Ashford drove her over to make sure she tells me were done. It’s okay, they can have a long happy life together while I bust my ass playing a game I’m starting to fucking despise. Hell, maybe I’ll finally start listening to Sterling and take advantage of what all those girls at college are willing to give me.
“Liam, can you look at me?” I close my eyes and shake my head. She has to know how much it pains me. I can already hear the disconnect in her voice. It’s really better this way, especially for me.
“Liam?”
“What, Josie?” saying her name out loud feels like I’m pressing a sharp blade to my skin, just waiting for it to pierce me and draw first blood.
“I’m here to talk to you. Can you at least look at me?”
I sit up quickly, startling her. “Well go on then, tell me that you’re done with me and get out of my room. I’m not in the mood.”
She balks, shaking her head. “What is wrong with you? I came here –”
“And I’m still trying to figure out why?”