I suppose I’m living any man’s dream. Women throw themselves at me. I smile and they’re putty in my hands. Why? Is it because I’m in a band, because I sing? I don’t see it. I don’t feel the attraction. Each one is just a painkiller.
“I can make you forget her.”
I shift my gaze to the woman that’s just sat down beside me. I eye her bare legs and dress that is riding up her thigh. I pick up my glass and down my Jack, never taking my eyes off her.
Chapter 55
Ten Years since Beaumont
Whiskey at ten a.m. is not usually my thing, but then again reading about a man I once called my best friend wasn’t my plan either. I fold the article that I printed early from The Beaumont Daily and place it in my back pocket. The internet, while I’ve used it plenty to keep tabs on people, is the bane of my existence right now. The day I stood on my grandma’s cliff and told her I would try this for a year haunts my memory. Twelve months and I would go back to Beaumont and make amends, except I didn’t because one year turned into two, which turned in five and now ten and now it’s too late for me to go home and fix what I had done.
Right now, I’d give it all up. I’d give up the personal appearances, the late nights, the all access parties with the hottest celebrities, just for one moment where I can apologize for being an epic douche. I don’t know if he’d understand, but I’d try my hardest to make him. I always thought I’d have a chance to let him into my life, this life that I’ve built for myself, so he could see how much better off I am… or used to be.
This business – it’s deadly. I used to love it. I used to thrive to be on stage in front of thousands of people. To hear them chant my name over and over again. To sign autographs and take pictures. That soon faded. It became a hassle, a chore. Now it’s become my reality and nightmare because I can’t escape the life I’ve built. Not that I want to, but I would like something different. I don’t deserve it though. I made the decision ten years ago to change my life and with what I’m staring at, I don’t have the right to feel the loss that I’m feeling.
I press her number on my phone and wait for her to answer. She’s not going to understand this, but I need to do this for me.
“Hello?”
“I need you to book me a hotel.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s something I have to do.”
Sam sighs, but I can hear her moving around to get a pen. About five years ago Sam and I had a huge fight. We both said things we didn’t mean and I walked away. I threatened to quit and her father was livid. Sam took a year off from the band to get her head straight and came back full-force. She booked us on a yearlong US and international tour that was a huge success. We also had a few more songs appear in movies and added two more Grammy’s to our list. Since then, everything has been on an even keel. There are no more romantic feelings and she’s been very professional.
“What hotel?”
“Um…” I try to remember the name, but I’m not sure if it’s even there anymore. “There’s a Holiday Inn on Route 15 –”
“Liam, why are you going to Beaumont?”
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. I forgot that she knows every possible thing about Beaumont, thanks to her trusty private investigator.
“There’s been a death. I need to go and pay my respects.”
“Why?”
“It’s just something I have to do, Sam. I can’t explain it. I’ll be gone three days. In and out and I probably won’t talk to anyone. I’ll stand in the back of the church and no one will recognize me.”
“Mhm… I don’t like this. I’ll go with you.”
My head is screaming no. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to take my bike. You can have a suit sent to the hotel. Besides, someone needs to feed the cat.”
“Linda can.”
“I’m going by myself, Sam.” I take a drink of the whiskey sitting in front of me.
“Are you drinking?”
“No,” I lie. Right now I don’t need a lecture from her.
“Liam, this hotel is a three-star. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ll find you another one.”
“No, Sam, that one is fine. It’s on the highway; no one will look for me there.”