“Thanks. See you soon.” He’s gone before I can even comprehend what the hell just happened. All I know is he didn’t even touch me and my skin is tingling.
Tingling. I didn’t think I’d feel anything when Harrison touched me. I’m not supposed to. My body isn’t supposed to react to him, but it did. When Harrison held me to him, when he cupped the back of my head so gently, despite the fact that his hand is so strong – something Mason had never done – I felt the desire to be with him course through my body. He ignited a smoldering passion that I’ve been trying to bury since Mason.
Stepping away from the door, I can’t help but smile at the memory of the first time he spoke to me. It wasn’t long after that day in school that we became a couple. We spent almost every day together the summer between our freshman and sophomore year. If he wasn’t at football camp, he was at my house. We had a pool, and he and Liam would come over and beg me to go swimming. Swimming with them was only exciting when Josie was around, which wasn’t much, since she had to work. My mom said he was using me and when school started, he’d drop me like a bad habit.
I dreaded the first day for fear that she was right. I was prepared for things to be different, but they weren’t. He ignored all the girls that flirted with him and told me he only had eyes for me. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. He was easy to love.
I look around my dark and quiet hotel room and realize that I’m alone in every sense of the word. Peyton doesn’t want to talk to me and Elle is having no problem finding a way for Harrison to fit into her life. My happy little family is slipping through my fingers.
Everything in my life is changing and there isn’t a thing I can do to stop it.
WALKING through the gates, I stop and take in the surroundings with Peyton and Elle holding my hands. I pull them closer without being obvious. They don’t know how important it is that we are standing here. Mason should’ve been here with us. We had this planned out – a gift for their sixth birthday – we had started saving everything we could. We were going to make this happen, together, and now here I am with our girls and standing in front of me is a man who, I have a feeling, would move into the role of dad without hesitation, if given the chance.
The girls and I walk forward. Elle lets go of my hand and walks right up to Harrison. I try not to show any emotion when she slips her hand into his. Quinn doesn’t seem to care, so why should I? Peyton lets go next, leaving me to stand awkwardly in the middle of the entrance to Disney World by myself. Josie shoves me lightly when she walks by. I want to kick her. Tackle her to the ground like I did when we were in kindergarten. Childish, yes, but the look in her eyes tells me enough. She knows Harrison is watching me. I know it too because I can feel his eyes on me, even if they are covered by dark glasses.
Harrison steps forward and onto the path that will lead us to the most magical place on earth. I check on Peyton, who is firmly attached to Liam’s hand, just as Elle is with Harrison. He looks back at me, clearly waiting for me to follow. He doesn’t need words, it’s like I can read him already.
Two bodyguards with two more in front of Liam flank me. If it were just the guys out today, we wouldn’t need them, but with the kids out, the security is required. The guys also don’t want to sign autographs today, which is understandable. Jimmy comes up behind me and puts his arm around my shoulders. It doesn’t escape my attention that Harrison’s already somber expression turns even bleaker.
It’s nice to be out as one big family. People stare and point, no doubt recognizing the guys, but they ignore them. This is our day; a day to be away from our jobs and their public life and to give the kids some fun.
Jimmy runs ahead and scoops Peyton up, throwing her over his shoulder. She laughs, and the sound brings tears to my eyes. Harrison slows down and walks next to me with Elle on his other side. She hasn’t let go of his hand, nor has she stopped talking, and Harrison hasn’t missed a word, even though he’s looking at me every few seconds.
It’s only a matter of minutes before my camera is out and both girls are wrapped in Mickey Mouse’s embrace. Noah jokes that Mickey is for babies, earning an ear flick from Liam.
“Go stand with the girls, I’ll take your picture.” His warm hand covers mine. His lips are dangerously close to the ear. My tongue is thick, no words willing to form as I hand him the camera and walk over to my girls. I bring them both into my arms, kissing them both on their cheeks before posing for what will surely be our Christmas card. We didn’t send one out last Christmas, so maybe we’ll do it this year.
“Thank you,” I say when Harrison shows me the picture. He stands next to me, his chest pressed against my shoulder. I should step back and remind him that we can never be anything more than co-workers, but doing that might be rude and presumptuous. He’s just being nice right now.
Jimmy, I’ve determined, is the biggest kid of all of them. He races the boys and Peyton to the lines so they can start riding, even though it clearly says no running. I’ve never been one for rides, so I’ve gladly accepted the photographer role.
I’m surprised when Harrison appears. I thought for sure he’d be with Quinn. For a brief moment I worry about Elle, but remember that Liam and Josie are there and neither of them would let anything happen to her. Harrison stands next me, his body brushing up against mine. Today he’s wearing a baseball cap and it’s starting to bug the shit out of me.
I try to adjust my body so that we aren’t touching, but fail in my attempt and end up creating just enough friction to cause the hairs on my arms to rise. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything and for that I’m thankful.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
I shake my head. “It was a mistake.”
Harrison sighs. He hangs his head and turns slightly to look at me. “It didn’t feel like one to me.”
I don’t have an answer and I think that upsets him. I look down at the manicured garden in front of me, fearful of seeing his expression. My eyes start to water and for what? Nothing can happen between us, he knows this.
We hustle from ride to ride and even though I’m not riding them, I’m exhausted from the stories that Peyton and Elle are telling me. Peyton is having a blast. Seeing her smile gives me hope that she’s turning the corner in her mourning. Not that she needs to be rushed, but I miss my little girl.
“Mommy, I’m tired.” Elle pulls on my t-shirt to get my attention. We’re in one of the many gift shops looking at souvenirs. It’s also a great place to cool down from the beating sun.
“Are you ready to go back to the hotel?”
“No, can you carry me?”
“Elle, there’s no way I can carry you. You’re too big.”
Elle leans against me, grinding her face into my side. This is typical Elle – she’s the child that loves to nap – whereas, Peyton can go all day. I play with her ponytail, contemplating what to do with her. I don’t want to ruin her day, but carrying her is out of the question.
“Excuse me, where can I rent a wagon?” I ask the clerk behind the counter.
“What do you need a wagon for?” I turn to find Harrison behind me. He gazes down at me. His eyes are soft and forgiving, showing no mention of our earlier conversation.