“It’s stupid, right?” I ask them. “I mean who’s to say that Mason and I would even be married right now.”
Both Jenna and Josie gasp. “You don’t mean that, do you?” Jenna asks.
I shrug because I don’t know. “When Harrison is gone and I’m lonely, my mind wonders. It plays the what-if game and I find myself asking the most ridiculous questions, ya know.”
“Been there, done that,” Josie says.
“Right, I mean what happens if Mason doesn’t die? Does Liam still come home? Because if he doesn’t, I don’t meet Harrison and I can’t imagine not having him in my life.”
I turn away, angry with myself for bringing this up while we’re supposed to be on vacation.
“I can’t imagine my life being any different,” Jenna says. “As much as I loved Mason, his death brought Jimmy to me, and Eden.” Jenna reaches for my hand. “I don’t want to sound selfish, but—”
“I get it, Jenna. You don’t have to explain yourself because I’m there too, which makes me feel like a horrible person.” I rest my head on Josie’s shoulder.
“Tell me about your proposal,” Jenna says in a bid to lighten the mood. Josie snorts and sits up, preparing for me to tell the story, even though Josie knows it well.
“Everything with Mason revolves around football, right? So, he calls me one day and tells me to meet him on the field. This is not out of the ordinary. He would often be there working out, running the snake and whatnot. So, I go out there and there are rose petals everywhere. The entire field is lined with rose petals and in the center of the field is Mason, dressed in a tuxedo that is too small for him.
“Of course, I make sure to step over each yard line so I don’t mess up the roses as I walk to him. He doesn’t even say anything. He just drops down onto his knee and asks me to marry him. I said yes. I mean he knew I would.”
“Do you still have the ring?” Josie asks.
“I do. Gosh, remember how small it was?” I ask her.
She nods.
“I used to think it was the biggest diamond ever, but God, we were so poor. I don’t even know how he saved money to buy it.”
“That’s because love doesn’t know size,” Jenna says, and she’s right. I look down at the ring on my finger now and smile.
“I’ve saved it for the girls. I know they probably won’t use it, but it’s there if they want it.” Deep down, I know they’ll never ask for it. Most of the time I wonder if the memories they have of Mason are theirs or just their imagination from the stories they’ve been told. They were five when he died, barely old enough to keep full-fledged memories. I hate that for them.
“One of them may surprise you,” Josie says. But I doubt it. The girls have grown up in a lifestyle that doesn’t equate to the way their father and I started out. I’m okay if they don’t use it, but don’t know what to do with it if they don’t.
“This is dreary talk. We’re supposed to be on vacation,” I remind them. I sit up and the girls adjust. “How’s Noah?”
“He’s good. I think he’s ready for the season to be over.”
“Is he coming home?” I ask.
Josie shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe to visit, but there’s Dessie…” she sighs. I’ve met Dessie and can understand why Josie feels the way she does. “Anyway, they have an apartment so I imagine he’ll stay there.”
“Do you think he’ll ask her to marry him?” Jenna asks.
Josie covers her face with her hands. “I don’t want to be that mom, but I hope not. I just don’t like her and I’ve tried so hard to be open minded but she just doesn’t fit in with us. She’s not family orientated.”
“Then this isn’t the place for her,” Jenna adds. She’s right, we’re family through and through. Aunts and uncles to each other’s children.
“I have to find a way to like her,” Josie mumbles. She looks away briefly before turning her attention toward us. “What about Quinn?”
I smile proudly at the mention of my son’s name. “He’s doing his thing, playing in coffee shops, small gigs in the park. He’s having fun and he loves that Elle is living there. They’re talking about getting an apartment together when she finishes out the semester. She doesn’t want to live on campus anymore.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t pledge?” Jenna wants to know.
“I know, me too. I thought she would, but her major keeps her out late at night and she didn’t want the obligations that come with being in a sorority.”
It was Josie’s and my plan to pledge when we got to State, but that all changed rather quickly when Josie found out she was pregnant. At that point, Mason and I did everything we could to keep her in school. Liam already brok