American Honey

“I don’t have to answer to anyone,” I quickly replied. “I can go where I want, and talk to whom I please. Being with someone means you have to make sacrifices. It’s something I’ve never been good at.”

“Not every relationship is like that. Some people appreciate having their own space. You’d be able to do that with or without a partner.”

I picked up the bottle and walked past him, moving back into the living room. I felt irritated that this guy kept trying to get me to talk about my personal business. Admittedly, I knew that I lived the most boring life, and that his traveling all around trumps any kind of experience that I’d ever had. I just didn’t need reminders about it.

He followed me and sat down on the couch, this time next to me. “Did I offend you?”

“No. I just don’t like talking about my personal life.”

“Then I guess we have to talk about mine.” He said it as if he had no secrets. His confidence was apparent.

I crossed my legs and looked over at him, noticing how his eyes glowed in the light of the fire. “Fine. How come you don’t have a girlfriend? You’ve been back for a while, and obviously you’re looking to be grounded.”

“I’ve dated, but that’s nothing new. I dated when I was overseas as well. You know, there are women in the military. Relationships are common, especially when you’re away from home for so long. A personal connection can sometimes prevent people from going utterly insane over there. It certainly helps with the nightmares.”

“The nightmares?” I was curious.

“Yeah. Every time I saw someone die, especially children, it devastated me. I’ve seen parents lying over their dead kids, who were scattered across roads. I’ve watched mothers and fathers murdered. It takes a toll on a person.”

I covered my mouth with my hands. “I’m so sorry, Reed. I can’t even imagine what something like that is like. I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep either.”

The thought of seeing deceased children made me ill. Not only did I long to have a baby someday, but I valued the love that only family could bring. The idea of a parent watching their children die was too much for anyone to fathom.

“It haunts me, but I’ve learned to manage. I think a part of me always wanted to have a family so that I could take care of them, but when I got out of the military I’d changed my mind. I’ve been traveling for so long, unable to settle down for that reason.” He drank the rest of his wine, leaned over and refilled the cup. “Sorry. You probably didn’t want to know all of that.”

The sensitive side of him had my undivided attention. “No. It’s fine. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.” I paused and looked over at the fire. “So, have you met anyone special since you’ve gotten back?”

He scratched his head and looked directly at me with a half-smile flashing across his face. “I’ll let you know in the morning.”

His cocky answer made me blush. I giggled because I didn’t know how else to react. “You’re funny.”

“Just trying to make you smile after a tough time.”

I appreciated his humor in light of the situation. “If only this were one of those romance novels that my aunt used to read. Real life consists of trees falling into the house, and us running out of dry clothes trying to repair it. It’s about bad storms that leave us stranded with no take out delivery, and bathing with wash clothes. There is nothing romantic about this. I’m just glad you showed up when you did. I can’t thank

you enough for everything you’ve done, and I’m sorry for thinking you were a criminal. I admit that I was very wrong.” It took a lot for me to come out with that reply.

“I appreciate your honesty, Erica. I tell ya, it’s hard to travel and earn the trust of people around me. Most see the bike and assume what they want. Honestly, I just like the way the wind feels against my face. I feel free after being tied down to the military for so long. Life isn’t about being afraid of something, and when I find the right place to settle down, I believe I’ll know it, because it will feel right.”

“I commend the way you live so carefree. I can’t do that if I want to survive in my business. The more cutthroat you are, the further you get.” I didn’t mean to sound vicious, but it was ideally how I was expected to act when I was at the office.

“I bet your job isn’t as hard as you make it out to be. I’d imagine that your smile gets you some perks. I can’t see very well in this light, but I’m guessing those eyes of yours are blue. A blonde with blue eyes isn’t something that men are likely to not notice.” He winked at me after he said it, and I felt a hot flush growing on my cheeks again. Every time he looked directly into my eyes it gave me chills.

“If they do, I’ve never noticed.” I drank the second glass of wine down and poured the rest of the bottle into it. Already, I was beginning to open up. There was no way I’d talk about this on a normal day.

“Can I ask you something personal?”

I nodded. “Sure. If I don’t want to answer, I won’t.”

“That’s acceptable. My question isn’t bad. I’m just curious if you’ve ever been intimate with a man for pure satisfaction?”

I had to turn away. His question was more personal than I was prepared for. I actually felt uncomfortable. I gulped the rest of my wine and got up to grab another bottle, denying him an answer.

In the kitchen I leaned on the counter and tried to gather my thoughts. My mind was in all sorts of places, but mostly sending me to fantasies that I didn’t want to be imagining. I couldn’t help but picture those strong arms holding me, his firm lips kissing me, and those large hands touching me. This was so out of character for me, yet I couldn’t control myself.

I wanted to know what was under the tight boxer briefs.

We were in this terrible situation, stuck for the night together, with nothing to do but get to know each. We were both adults, yet he was the only one that seemed composed, while I was crumbling before him. I didn’t know how to act, and out of pure fear, I was making a fool out of myself, showing him how inexperienced I really was.