American Honey

Me 7:30 pm: I know you’re home. Your light is on. Where are you? I need you. My birthday isn’t the same without you.

I wait a few minutes, hoping and praying he answers. Giving up, knowing he isn’t going to respond, I sigh and look once more before I head back inside to my party. Tanner has turned his light off. My heart cracks just a little more. Everything is falling apart it seems.

I open the door and Mama is standing there smiling. It’s fake; she’s putting on a show for the guests. “Sweetheart, you’re daddy isn’t gonna make it home for the party.”

My shoulders sag in defeat, “Okay.” I mean what else was I supposed to say? I’m not surprised by this. He’s choosing work over his one and only daughter yet again.

For the rest of the night I avoid Mama. I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes. I’m feeling no pain. Tommy snuck in alcohol and I’ve slowly been sipping on it all night. It’s easing the pain in my chest; I don’t care that my daddy isn’t home, don’t care what mama is doing and I’ve stopped checking my phone for a text that I know isn’t coming.

Braydon wraps an arm around me and kisses me on the cheek. It’s sloppy and wet and grosses me out. His breath smells like stale cigarettes and beer. “What’s up, darlin’?”

I shake my head while holding my breath as he talks. The pungent aroma of his breath nauseates me.

“Whatcha say we go out back?” Braydon pulls me to his chest and wraps his other arm around me.

Braydon is cute but he’s too touchy feely. He’s always flirting with me and telling people we’re dating but we aren’t and never have, never will. We’ve kissed a few times but that’s it. He’s tried more but I’ve never let it progress past that. My heart tells me I’m holding out for one person; the very one I have repeatedly checked my phone for over and over tonight.

I take a step away from Braydon as he starts to sway, “No, Bray.”

“Aw, come on, darlin’.”

I shake my head, “Not happenin’.”

I leave him standing there and make my way toward the kitchen needing some fresh air. Knox and Rex are there leaning against the kitchen counter, girls flanking both sides of them.

Rex sees me first. He comes over and hugs me. “Happy birthday, Rhea.”

I kiss his ch

eek, “Thanks, Rex.”

Knox wraps me in his arms next lifting me off the ground. “Happy birthday, Little One.”

I giggle, “I’m not so little anymore, Knox.”

He sets me back down, “You’ll always be little to me, Rhea.”

I take a bottle of water from the fridge, “Have y’all seen Tanner?”

Knox and Rex exchange a look and my stomach tightens. That look tells me they have, they know what’s going on, and that he’s not coming.

Rex speaks up first, “Yeah, we stopped there first.”

“Mom’s still over there talking to Emma.” Knox explains.

I nod, “Is he coming over?” It’s a stupid question to ask because I already know the answer.

Knox looks down to the floor, “I don’t think so. He said it’s not a smart thing to do.”

My eyebrows furrow, “Whatcha mean?”

Rex looks up to the ceiling, “He was heading out somewhere and told us to just come over here.”

I get the chills but yet my body feels heated. He’s never skipped out on one of my parties when he’s promised he’d be here. I shouldn’t be surprised. Everyone is breaking promises that they are making me lately but somehow his hurts the worst though.

Knox bumps his shoulder into mine and says quietly, “He said to meet him at the spot at midnight.”

I stare at Knox and cock my head. “Our spot?”