“Are you ready?” she asks.
I don’t answer her. I fall into step behind her, Alex behind me. Outside my bus is a security guard. He’s not mine, but someone that the venue hired to stand here and block my door. He looks me up and down and smirks. Not sure why. Maybe he’s a hard-core rocker fan or something. Alex mutters something under her breath and starts laughing, earning us a look from Anna. I swear she thinks we’re twelve years old.
The venue is bursting with people. The opening act is about to go on. They are an up-and-coming boy band that has been traveling with me for a few months now. One of them, the lead singer, Smith Michaelson, hits on me after every show. At first I was flattered, but it quickly got old. If I don’t buy what he’s selling, he moves on to some bopper that somehow made it into our after-party. I’ve been with only one musician and that was enough to last me a lifetime. They're nothing but trouble. Pure heartbreak waiting to happen, that’s what it is. When men have women throwing themselves at you night after night you seem to forget about the commitment you made to someone else. I swore off relationships like that, which is why I’m single. I want “normal” but “normal” definitely isn’t knocking on my door.
He’s persistent though. I’ll give him credit for trying, but if seeing him talk to me and then walk to the first willing girl is supposed
to make me want him more, it doesn’t. It makes me feel sorry for him. I’ve taken to carrying handiwipes with me so after he touches my hand I can disinfect my skin.
Anal Anna opens the door to my dressing room. I have a bouquet of sunflowers sitting on the table along with magazines for Alex. My rack of possible outfits sits in the corner and all of Anna’s make-up is stacked on the table in front of the full-length mirror. I sit down and plaster on a fake smile so Anna knows I’m ready. The last thing I need is for her to tell my uncle Ian, who doubles as my manager, that I don’t have my game face on. A lecture from him is something I can do without.
There are more flowers, roses this time, on each side of this vanity, no doubt set up by Ian. I don’t know why he insists on having more flowers. They go to waste each and every night. It’s not like we can take them with us when we leave, so why have them here? This is supposed to be my sanctuary.
Alex lounges on the couch, reading the newest People magazine. I’m in this issue as one of the top one hundred most beautiful people. I wanted them to use Alex, but she’s not famous enough. She mocks me when she comes to my page and reads the quote from Smith, “Being with Hadley on tour has been an amazing experience. When we aren’t on stage, we are together. She’s such a lovely and sweet girl.”
I glare at her through my mirror. Anna has my hair in big rollers, the pins digging into my scalp. While my hair sets, she does my make-up. She’s only been with me for two months. She was highly recommended by some tart that was dating my uncle. When the tart got kicked to the curb, Anna stayed. I suspect she's doing my uncle, but I don’t ask. I think if I knew, I’d fire her and that would piss him off.
Anna picks out my outfits for tonight. A couple of dresses, which I love because I can wear my cowboy boots with them; a pair of jeans with rhinestone tank tops in various colors; and my least favorite is an uncomfortable leather number with stiletto heels. I hate the leather outfit, but Ian says it gives me sex appeal, which apparently I need. I refuse to have my shows staged. I hate it. I want my fans to expect the unexpected and that includes my clothes. Wearing the same thing over and over, night after night, is boring and lacks creativity. I want my shows to be fresh.
When Ian walks in, he’s on his phone. He doesn’t say hi to Anna and her face drops. If they aren’t doing it, she wants to or they did and he’s ditched her. That's usually how he operates.
He hangs up and looks at my outfit, very Sandy from Grease. I want to fire whoever suggested this idea. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I am. Are the contest winners here?”
He rolls his eyes. He hates the contest winners, but I love them. They make this all worth it. To know that they’ve won tickets by repeatedly calling a number to enter a contest shows a lot about a person’s character. Ian thinks it’s too charitable and Alex says it’s not enough so she usually invites them to an after-party. This just pisses Ian off even more because he says he’s stuck babysitting all night when he should be able to enjoy himself.
“Yes, they're here, are you ready?” he sighs heavily. He’s frustrated and angry about something. What else is new? Ian is good at his job, but his interpersonal skills need a lot of work.
“Where are they?” I need to know because I like to focus on them during the concert.
“Front row and one girl answered all your trivia questions right so she has a backstage pass.”
“Did you—“
Ian puts his hand up for me to stop talking. “I told her she and her guest can come and go as they please, but to wait until after the show is over before approaching you.”
“Perfect.” I kiss him on the cheek, earning a tiny smile from him. I know deep down he loves me, but loves the money and power he has more.
He opens the door. I take a deep breath and step out. I’m flanked by my bodyguard, Jones, and the rent-a-cops as they push us through a wall of reporters who all have press passes. They never get it. I don’t do interviews before a show. This is my rule, not Ian’s. I hate having my fans wait. They expect me on the stage at eight and that’s where I’ll be.
Alex holds my hand as we walk the long hallway. The chanting gets louder the closer we get. She squeezes my fingers. She gets so excited before each show. Me, I just get nervous. Not the butterfly nervous – no, I’ve never felt that – but the I’m-going-to-hurl nervous.
We stand on the side of the stage and I can see some of the fans. There are signs that say I love you, Hadley hanging from the second floor seats. Little girls are standing, looking for any sight of me. Sometimes I just want to run out there and sit on the stage and talk to them. Each and every one of them, but I’ll never get that opportunity.
The lights go down and the crowd gets louder. ‘Hadley, Hadley’ echoes throughout the venue. My band starts up and that’s my cue in this tight leather contraption and hair sticking out everywhere to get on stage, all for my first three songs.
I kiss Alex and give her a hug before doing our secret handshake. I can barely see it’s so dark. I count the steps I took earlier, remembering my movements so I don’t trip or walk off the front of the stage. When I’m in center, I take a deep breath and count to three. My foot starts moving to the beat of my song.
When the spotlight comes on, it’s just me and the light. I sing with my eyes closed. When the first verse is over all the remaining lights come on and I can finally see my fans here to sing with me, and I’m reminded why I’m up here.
I love it.
CHAPTER 3
Ryan
The things I do for friends. Well, actually just one friend. If anyone else had asked me to attend a concert where there are five men – or are they boys? – dancing around and gyrating their junk in our faces, I would’ve given them a resounding hell no.