Lost in You (Lost in You 1)

“I want that, too.”

CHAPTER 18

Hadley

I can’t stand it. I pull up on my tippy toes and press my lips to his. I know I shouldn’t. This is so wrong. I try to pull away, to stop myself, but he doesn’t allow it. He holds me to him, his hand cupping the back of my head firmly. His tongue traces my lip, I sigh, melting into his embrace.

I’m an adult, I know better. But he doesn’t allow me to pull away. He holds me, pressing us together. Our lips dance against each other creating the rhythm only they can keep up with. My hands roam over his sweatshirt, sneaking under his shirt, fingertips brushing against his skin. He pauses. I’ve caught him off guard.

Now is the time to stop. To pull away and put some space between us. We can’t act like this, like common teenagers making out in the park. I’m not that person. I can’t be and neither can he if he’s with me.

“Ryan.” I’m breathless as I speak against his lips.

“Do you want to go inside the church? I know how to get in.”

I should tell him no. The words should flow easily from my mouth. My head should be shaking and my legs stepping away, but that is not the case. I’m not in control and I need to be. My problem is that my heart and mind are connected and they both want Ryan, so I nod and follow behind him as he pulls us toward the dark and empty church.

“Wait right here,” he says with a kiss. I watch as he disappears down a set of steps. I jump when I hear something slam. I look around, weary of my surroundings. An owl hoots from somewhere in the trees sending shivers, not the good kind, down my spine.

“Hey.” His voice startles me, I scream. My hands quickly cover my mouth. Ryan pulls me to him, kissing me on the top of my head. “You’re shaking.”

“You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” He bends and kisses me, increasing my heart rate, but for the better.

I pull away, still shivering, but in a good way this time. He smiles and takes my hand. He leads us down the stairs, closing the door behind us. I’m confused as to why I didn’t just come with him earlier. He pulls us through the dark room, navigating like he’s done this many times. Maybe he has. Maybe I’m not his first.

We walk through a doorway, the area lightened by a few candles. There is a blanket spread out on the floor, catching my attention. This is why he didn’t bring me down with him and made me wait outside.

“I really don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never…” Ryan looks away, embarrassed.

“It’s perfect and well worth getting the crap scared out of me.”

Ryan shakes his he

ad, turning to me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay,” I say, stepping closer. His arms come around me. The soft glow of the candlelight gives me just enough to catch the glint of happiness in his eyes. I can’t help it. I lean up and kiss him. His reaction is instant and mirrors mine. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m not pressuring him to do anything he doesn’t want to. The problem is that I need to stop this. It can’t go further than it already has. Even that is too much and very dangerous.

I step back, ending the connection between us. Ryan frowns. My finger trails over the sad lines appearing on his face.

“We have to be careful, Ryan.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

I shake my head, wrapping my hand around the back of his neck. My fingers play with his hair. He closes his eyes, clearly enjoying the sensation.

“Believe me when I say this.” I lean forward, pressing my lips against his. “If you were eighteen, I wouldn’t be saying no.”

He opens his eyes wide. I bite my bottom lip. I think I’ve gone too far. That was more than he needed to know. I’m so stupid. He has no intentions of doing anything other than kissing. I read too much into this.

“What can we do?”

I raise my eyebrow at his question. He tries not to smile. “What do you want to do?” I ask, not afraid of what his answer will be. This will help us take care of the elephant in the room. We’ll know where both of us stand. Well, at least, where he stands. I know what I want.

Ryan leads me to the blanket. We sit down, knees touching each other. We hold hands. Ryan plays with the ring on my index finger, his finger running over the top, back and forth.

“I’m not sure how to answer because everything that I’m doing with you, it’s all new, but I feel so good when I’m with you and when I’m not…” his head shakes, “I feel like I’m going crazy.”