I know little miss blond slut wasn’t Deacon’s first betrayal; I just chose to ignore the signs that were right in front of my face. I chose to believe the pretty lies he told me. The excuses ranged from working late, to stopping at the gym or running into an old friend. When he realized the lies were becoming more frequent he tried to bury my questions and disappointments with flowers, shopping sprees or sex that was driven more by anger than passion. For a while, I desperately clung to the lies and the illusion that everything was fine. While his affairs mattered and of course they hurt, the simple truth was that they were only part of the problem. I didn’t want to be in a marriage that only works when I played dumb and pretended to believe the lies and allowed things to always be on his terms.
I want more.
I need more.
I deserve more.