While option three is what I truly want to do, I know she won’t allow us to be that way and I respect that even if it’s killing me. Option two is going to win out because I need her like my body needs water. I’m a fool to think I can walk away from her. I’m a stupid man if I think I can live without her in my life. I told myself in the beginning that I was going to fight dirty and I’m going to start by reminding her how much she loves me.
Rubbing my hand over my chest, I laugh when Ryley’s eyes go wide. It’s nice to know I still have an effect on her. Lord knows she sends me into a tailspin each time I think about her or she w
alks into the room. I keep my eyes on her as I move toward her. Her tongue wets her lips, telling me that everything that I’ve questioned about how she feels about me is wrong. She wants me, she’s just torn, and I’m going to help put her back together.
I pull my shirt over my head and toss it onto the couch. Her eyes roam from my face to my body. Seeing her pull her lower lip in between her teeth is all the encouragement I need. My steps are calculated as I walk toward her. I flick the top button of my shorts, earning an inhale from her. Watching her react to me is such an ego boost. She has no idea what she does to me.
When I reach her, I pull the blanket away from her bare legs. I need to feel her skin against mine. I want the burn, the ache that she brings when she touches me. My thumb caresses her lower lip and I lean in, brushing my lips across hers. I lost track of when I got to kiss her last and right now it feels like the first time. I can taste the raspberry and chocolate ice cream that coats her mouth and feel the familiar spark when my warm tongue meets her ice cold one.
Ryley Clarke was made for me, there’s no doubt about it.
Her hands hold my face to hers with her fingers adding the right amount pressure to my jaw. She’s pulling me down on top of her and I’m not one to deny her what she wants. Everything moves in slow motion until her back touches the couch and she wraps her legs around me. My mind races at the thought of what I could do to her in this position if only she’d choose me. If only she’d tell me that I’m the one she wants for the rest of her life. If only she’d let me remind her of our connection and how much I love her.
My lips explore her body as I nip and taste my way over her skin. Her neck invites me to mark her, to tell everyone who sees her that she is mine, but I won’t do that to her. And when her hips buck against mine I give her the pressure that she needs. I haven’t dry humped this woman since she was seventeen years old, but if that’s what she needs right now, who am I to say no?
Sharp nails dig into my back as I move against her. My freaking balls are going to be purple at this rate, but I don’t care. Ryley angles herself so that I have no choice but to kiss her. I’m not complaining. I’ll happily kiss her until the sun comes up and sets again if that’s what she needs from me.
I push against her and swallow her moans as she rocks against me. I love how her body responds to me... the eagerness of needing to be connected, showing me that it belongs to me as it molds against me. It’s been far too many years since we’ve even come close to being like this, but I haven’t forgotten her signs. I clutch her hands in mine; my anchor to keep from touching her because I know if I do there will be no stopping me. I pull away from her so I can look in her eyes when she lets go. It’s a face I only have in my memories and after so many years apart, that memory has faded.
Green eyes stare a back at me, eyes that first caught my attention years ago. She knows what I’m waiting for and is willing to submit to me as I continue to rock against her. Her back arches off the couch and her eyes close briefly.
“Do you need this from me?” I ask her, whispering into her ear. She nods as I move faster until I feel her legs squeeze my hips and her body tenses. Ryley seeks my mouth to bury her cries as our clothed bodies slide against each other. After the tension in her legs subsides, I kiss down her neck and over her shoulder, across the top of her breasts until her breathing evens out.
Disengaging from her is the last thing I want, but falling asleep on top of her might not be met with a round of applause in the morning either. Adjusting myself, I roll onto my side, bringing her with me. Trailing my fingers over her cheekbone, I seek reassurance in her eyes. It’s there, but I still need the words. I still need her to tell me that I’m the one she wants.
“That was unexpected,” I tell her hoping that she doesn’t come back with something off the wall like, “well Nate and I did that last night so I’m just testing out my options” because if she did, I’d die right here and now.
“I’m sorry. I know you must be frustrated with me.”
Oh, she has no idea. “I’m not, Ry. I know you need time.” I say as I wrap her in my arms.
She pushes back slightly, with her hand on my chest. “I need you to know something, Evan. The day in the park, it wasn’t what you thought. EJ asked if you were his dad and I couldn’t lie to him. Not anymore. I’ve been lying to him for five years and when he looked me in the eye and asked if Eban was his dad I just lost it. I’m so sorry that you weren’t there.”
“Me too,” I say, pulling her to my chest. This is how we fall asleep, with me holding her and her leg in between mine. This is how we used to sleep when I’d visit her at school or she’d come to the base on the weekends. We’d fall asleep like this the night before I’d deploy or leave on missions.
The last time I held her like this, I didn’t see her for six years.
I hated leaving Ryley and EJ this morning, but in my haste to make sure she wasn’t alone with Nate any longer than necessary yesterday, I forgot to bring any clothes over with me. River and Frannie are gone when I arrive, and I honestly feel uncomfortable being here when they’re not home. Although, had I known the house would be empty, I’d probably have had Cara meet me here and let her snoop around. I’m still not convinced that Frannie was just pining away, thinking her husband would return any moment. I can understand her keeping things around the house – hell, Ryley did it, too – but there definitely wasn’t fresh beer in the fridge when I showed up.
Then there’s the note threatening Ryley’s life that showed up at the house. Only Frannie, Lois and Carter knew we’d be there and the note was clearly meant for us. Adding the word “she” was the mistake made there. A message meant to scare us into stopping our own investigation is done the opposite way so it has only spurred us on. If those three are our suspects, I’d easily eliminate Lois and Carter unless they’re in some type of trouble, but I doubt that. I don’t see Carter doing anything to hurt Ryley. Frannie is the wildcard in my mind, but I can’t pinpoint why and that bothers me.
Turning on the water, I undress as it warms up. Stepping in, the hot water burns my skin, but the pain is welcomed. It reminds me that I’m alive and for that I’m thankful. Call it a hazard of the job, but there’s been too many times in my life that I have had thoughts about death. Just this once I want to feel like no one is behind me, lurking in the shadows. I know it’s a lot to ask, considering what I’ve been through.
I wash quickly, wanting to get back to Ryley. It’s not that I need to be there to protect her, that’s a given. I need to be with her, feel her presence. Having her near is like fuel for my soul. She’s the sunshine in my life, even when it’s raining.
After drying off, I use my towel to clean the fogged over bathroom mirror. I’m in need of a shave and a decent haircut. While we were gone we each took turns shaving each other’s heads with our knives. Not the smartest thing to do, but effective nonetheless. I think I’ll call Jensen and see if EJ and I can meet him today so we can head down to the barbershop and get us all a clean shave. EJ, of course, will just get to play in the shaving cream.
Once I’m dressed, I’m back in the bathroom cleaning up after myself. This is another reason why I don’t like staying here. I feel like I’m intruding and don’t want to leave a mess. If I were at Ryley’s I wouldn’t worry about wiping everything down and making sure the sink is clean after I’ve brushed my teeth. I open the door to the cabinet under the sink to find any type of cleaning product possible. I feel like a creeper, invading their privacy.
Spotting the cleaner, I reach for it, knocking over a stack of towels. My heart stops when I see a black cell phone with a red blinking light. I pick it up and hold it in my hand, turning it over and wishing that my eyes were deceiving me. What would a cell phone – and not just any cell phone, but a Blackberry – be doing hiding in between a stack of towels in the bathroom?
The phone vibrates and the screen illuminates, alerting whoever this belongs to that they have a new message. My finger hovers over the OK button, knowing that if I look I’ll be breaking the trust of River and Frannie. However, I know if I don’t look I’ll always suspect that Frannie is somehow involved in our mess.
Sitting against the tub, I press the button and the message pops up.
They’re getting close. Feds are in town.
I’ve always been the type of warrior to see things for what they are and I’m seeing this for exactly what it is. Someone in this house knows more than they’re saying and as much as I want to sit here and read through these messages, I need to get this to someone I trust. Locking the screen I slide the phone into my pocket and fix the towels. Someone is going to come looking for this phone and know it’s gone, but I’m okay with that because I’ll be ready for their next move.