Santa's Secret

Holly calmly sets her brush down and eyes me through the mirror. “You will not use that machine on my hair.”

I shrug and continue to watch her, wishing I could be useful. I’ve thought about asking my sister to take Holly, to let her live with her during the week because I believe it would be better, but I can’t bring myself to broach the subject. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without her around every night.

“There, all done?”

“Are you sure?”

She looks at me again, waiting for me to tell her where she’s missed a piece. “Would you like me to braid your hair?” It’s the only thing I know how to do. I taught myself by practicing with my shoelaces.

Holly shakes her head and rips the elastic band from her hair, pulling a few strands out. Tears start to form in her eyes. I rest my hand on top of hers and reach for the hairbrush with the other. At first, she shies away, but I keep at it, until her long blonde hair is smooth down her back, and I can gather it at the base of her neck. It’s the best I can do for now.

“Aunt Mere can put it up when you see her this morning.”

“I like it this way,” she says, turning her head from side to side, looking at my sorry excuse for a ponytail. I know she does this to appease me, and I hate it. I want things to be different for her, better.

Meredith, my sister, says I need to get back into the dating world. As luck would have it, she has the best person in mind. In fact, my entire family thinks I should ask Shelby Whittensby out on a date, propose and marry her by the end of the night. I know they want what’s best for Holly and me, but I’m not sure Shelby is the answer.

Holly and I grab our lunches and walk to our garage through our breezeway. I’ve thought about closing this part in to make my bedroom bigger, but it’s so far down the list of things I need to accomplish, I can’t imagine it’ll ever happen, at least not in this lifetime. My biggest fear is I’m going to grow old and die in this house.

Holly goes around to her side of the truck, while I open the garage door. It’s ancient and rickety but keeps the snow out. It seems that another few inches fell while we were sleeping last night. I should’ve set my alarm a few minutes earlier or at least gotten up to look when I woke.

After backing out, I get out and close the garage door. Inside the cab, Holly has changed the station to Christmas music. I groan internally as she starts rattling off her wish list. There are times when I want to tell her Santa’s broke, but I refuse to dampen the magic for her.

“When do you think we can get our Christmas tree?”

“Probably this weekend. Maybe we’ll go after church.”

Holly doesn’t say anything; she just nods and continues to stare out the window while she sings along to the radio. “It’ll be fun when our living room is done, and we can put the tree in front of the big window. Won’t it, Daddy?”

“Mhm. Hopefully next year, but we can still put our tree there,” I tell Holly, although unless I win the lottery, it’s not likely. I still have mounds of medical bills to pay off that my insurance didn’t cover. I think I’m on a payment plan that ends when Holly graduates high school. And that’s if nothing happens to either of us from now until then.

I pull into the drop-off and immediately notice my sister talking to Shelby. I groan and throw my truck into drive, praying the two women stay where they are. “I’ll pick you up from Aunt Mere’s when I’m done.”

“Yes, I know. And you’ll call if you’re going to be late?”

“Or Eileen will.” Eileen is our dispatch secretary or better known as the department’s work wife. “Love you, punky.”

“Love you too.” Holly climbs out of my truck and heads toward her group of friends. This year she deemed it unnecessary to give me a kiss goodbye. I pretend like it doesn’t bother me, but deep down it does. The first few weeks of school I found myself tearing up as I drove away, wondering how things changed so quickly.

Before I can pull away, my sister waves me down. Hot on her heels is Shelby, with a sunny smile. I wish I could bring myself to ask her out, but I can’t. I don’t know if it’s because she’s like Heather, involved in the school and every community event or if it’s because I’m just not ready.

“Hey, Mere,” I say as she opens the passenger side door.

“I can’t take Holly home with me tonight.”

“But I can take her,” Shelby jumps in. “Shawna would love to have a play date with Holly. We plan to make cookies tonight, and probably do a little decorating.”

I look back and forth between the two women, not knowing what to say. I can’t help but feel like this is a set-up, but I also can’t leave work early to pick Holly up. I give in and nod. “Thanks, Shelby. I should be there shortly after five.”

She waves me off. “No rush at all, Aiden.”

“Meredith, can you tell Holly for me?” My sister nods and closes the door to my truck, so I can pull away. I tell myself that one time won’t hurt anything and Holly would probably love spending time with Shawna. It’s the other things that bother me: cookies and decorating. Both are two things I know Holly loves, but I can’t provide for her right now.

When I get to the station, Eileen waves. “Fresh coffee in the back.”

“Thanks. Hey, can you help me with something?”

“Anything, Fisher.”