Santa's Secret

“We should take the girls,” Shelby suggests. I find myself tongue-tied at the suggestion, so I do the only conceivable thing I can think of, and nod.

After dinner, I help clear the table while Holly gets her stuff together. “Thank you for dinner, Shelby. You really didn’t have to do this.” I set the plates down in the sink full of water and turn to face her. Her hand rests on my bicep as she looks into my eyes.

“I wanted to, Aiden. The girls get along so well, and I just hate to think of you and Holly alone all the time.”

We’re not alone if we’re together, right? Although, there are times when I feel utterly shut off from life because of my situation. “Thanks, but we’re good. We make it work.” Shelby steps closer, closing the gap between us. I know if I step back that’ll drive the message home that I’m not interested. But maybe I am. Maybe it’s time for me to move on and start a relationship with someone. Shelby’s a good person. She’s involved with the Parent-Teacher Association, is Holly’s Girl Scout leader, and volunteers at the school when needed. She moved here about a year ago, wanting a quiet life after her divorce. “I should probably get Holly home and in bed,” I tell her. She smiles softly and follows me to the door.

“You know, Holly is welcome here whenever. I don’t mind.”

“Thanks, Shelby.” I nod and clear my throat to get Holly’s attention. “Are you ready?”

Holly begrudgingly drags herself to the door, stopping every few seconds to give Shawna a hug goodbye. Don’t they realize they’ll see each other tomorrow? As soon as the thought rushes through my head, I know tomorrows are never guaranteed. Holly and I know that better than anyone does.

“Bye, Aiden,” Shelby says after I step by her. Short of thanking her again, for dinner, I feel like I’m supposed to say or do something. Is a kiss on the cheek required here? I don’t want to send her the wrong message, but I want her to know I’m appreciative of the effort she’s put in. I muster up a smile and wave, and head to my truck with Holly dragging behind me.

“Hop in.” I give Holly a little boost into the cab of the truck and make sure she’s buckled into her booster seat before I shut the door.

“Did you have fun? I forgot to make sure you picked up the toys you played with.”

“I did,” she tells me, although I’m not sure which she’s referring to. Holly looks out the window, focused on the houses that have been decorated extensively as we drive home. “Can we put lights up?”

“Sure.” I make a mental note to ask my dad for a box of outside lights. It’s an expense I can’t justify right now. But if you had a partner, expenses would be split. I don’t know where that thought has come from, but I’m not sure I like it. Or maybe I do and it’s my subconscious telling me I need to find someone suitable for Holly and I. Young girls need a mother. “I want to talk to you about your outburst at school today.”

“I was angry.”

“I get that, Holly, but it was inappropriate and rude. You’re seven and you don’t have the right to speak to me like that, especially in front of others. If you’re angry with me over something, we can sit down and discuss it. However, when it comes to my job, you don’t have a voice in how I do my work. It doesn’t matter if I pulled over Delaney Du Luca or the President of the United States. The fact is, she was speeding, which means she’s breaking the law.”

“It’s embarrassing. All the kids were laughing at me.”

“Well, imagine how Delaney felt when she was pulled over for breaking the law. Don’t you think she was embarrassed?”

“I guess.” She sighs.

As soon as we pull into the garage, Holly hops out of the truck. She’s kind enough to turn the light on for me so I’m not blindly walking around while I close up. “I’ll start your bath as soon as I get inside.”

“Okay. Can we get a cat?” she asks from the doorway. I turn and look at her, puzzled by her question.

“Um… no.”

“Why not?”

Because I can barely afford to feed us, let alone a pet. “I’m not a fan of cats, Holly.”

“How about a puppy?”

I close the garage door and flip off the light, motioning for her to go inside. “No pets, at least not right now. Maybe over the summer we can talk about it.” Inside, the house is cold. Nothing screams I need to make a change like walking into a house and still seeing your breath.

“It’s cold,” Holly says as she uses her hands to warm up her arms.

“I’ll turn on the heat. Go start your bath, I’ll be there in a minute.” I watch as Holly makes her way to the bathroom. She closes the door and the sound of the pipes coming to life tells me she’s turned on the water. I stand there, in the dark, listening to the furnace come on and the baseboards creak. My hands clench as tears threaten to make an appearance. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, but I feel like I can’t provide for my daughter. It’s this house, the medical bills, and the fact that I don’t make enough to cover everything.

Someday. That’s my mantra. Someday everything is going to work out. Someday the bills will be gone and I’ll be able to do what I need to do to fix this house and give Holly the home Heather and I wanted to give her.

Seven

Delaney

I never thought I’d have to step foot again in what used to be my favorite mall. Yet, here I am among the feisty shoppers, fighting for the last prized Christmas toy, when all I want is a nice pair of boots, some thick socks, maybe a coat and a few scarves, and if I’m lucky, a pair of ice skates because the ones left over from my adolescent years have seen better days. All things I need in order to survive the harsh winter weather of Vermont.