Santa's Secret

Shelby’s right. I chuckle. “You sound like a public service announcement.”

She laughs, throws her head back and in the process her hand lands near my thigh. My legs still might be numb from the cold weather, but I can definitely feel her fingers press against my jeans. Her flirting isn’t so subtle.

“Public service is what I do best,” she says, moving closer. “If you want, I can find you something to do for the winter festival. I’m working hand-in-hand with the mayor to make it the best one yet.”

My parents walk into the living room with a tray of mugs. Holly bolts from my lap to go retrieve her cup of what I’m assuming is hot cocoa.

“Shelby, would you like some?” my mother asks.

“Yes please, Mrs. Fisher. Meredith has raved about your homemade cocoa. I’ve been dying to try it.” She takes a cup from my mother and instead of keeping it for herself, she hands it to me and reaches for another one. Holly follows my mom back to the kitchen, where the banging of pots and pans becomes a bit louder.

“Thanks,” I say, giving her a half smile. “Where’s Shawna?” I ask after noticing she’s not here.

“She’s with her father. He’s in town for the night and asked to see her.” Shelby breaks eye contact with me and looks down at her mug.

Ever since Meredith started talking about Shelby, I’ve never considered where her ex-husband is or was. Nor have I asked because I didn’t think it was my business. I’m sure if I listen hard enough around town, the gossipmongers will no doubt fill me in about Shelby. Thing is, I’m interested… sort of. I’m not sure I’m ready to date or maybe I’m not positive she’s the one I want to date. Yes, it’d be nice because our daughters are the same age. Yes, Shelby is beautiful. However, I feel like there should be a spark. I haven’t felt that… yet. “For the night?”

Her thumb moves up and down the side of her cup. I tear my eyes away from there to focus on her, giving her my undivided attention. “We divorced last year. Shawna and I moved here to start over and he stayed in the city.”

“New York?” I ask.

She nods. “His job requires him to travel. I used to go with him until Shawna started school. We thought it would be better that I stay home so her schedule wasn’t interrupted and she wasn’t raised by the nanny. As with any cliché, he started having… well, he just wasn’t a very good husband to me and that led to a lot of fighting. We tried counseling, bought a house here with the intent he’d quit his job and we’d live here, but someone else was more important to him.”

“But he’s a good dad?”

Shelby shakes her head. “I wish. I can deal with him letting me down, but not Shawna. She really doesn’t understand why he’s never around. He tells her it’s because of work,

but he brought his new girlfriend to Vermont to ski. I guess he thought he’d introduce Shawna to her. I didn’t really ask him when he called this morning to let me know he wanted to see her.” She shrugs. “I can’t really tell him no because the court order allows for visitation and he pays his child support. Nor does he listen when I tell him how much he’s hurting her when he doesn’t come to visit or call. He thinks he’s doing the right thing by staying gone all the time, says daughters need their mothers while growing up.”

I thought I had it bad. I don’t know how I would react if Heather had decided the life we were sharing wasn’t what she wanted and only came around sporadically to see Holly. Maybe in a sense abandonment would be better than death, but then again, maybe not. I also can’t imagine not being a part of Holly’s life, and I’m not sure how any parent ever comes to the conclusion their child is better off without them.

“I’m sorry, Shelby.”

She smiles back in kind. “It’s not easy being a single parent.”

I half scoff half laugh. “No, it’s definitely not.” I’ve had my doubts about my ability to parent since Heather passed away. I often lie in bed at night, wondering what I’m doing and how many ways I am messing up Holly’s life, but then I look at her and see the way she needs me and my hectic crazy life seems to make sense for the most part. As easy as it would be to walk away from my life, it’d be the hardest decision to make.

“You know Meredith has offered to babysit if you and I wanted to grab dinner some night.”

Nothing like being caught off guard. I take a drink of my hot cocoa and try to form an answer. I haven’t wanted to date at all, and I’m still not sure I do, but maybe I have to get back out there.

“We’ll have to take her up on her offer some day.” This apparently is the right thing to say because Shelby smiles brightly.

“I’d like that, Aiden.”

Shelby starts to move closer just as my mom lets us know dinner is ready. I move so fast, I’m sure Shelby probably toppled over. That thought alone brings a grin to my lips, even though it’s far from funny.

At the table, she chooses to sit next to me. Her thigh rests against mine and while I’m tempted to ask her to give me some space, I don’t. However, I do knock my sister’s water over, soaking her lap. I’ve told her before, I’m not interested in dating, yet my words haven’t sunk in. I may have agreed to go on a date with Shelby, but I feel like she’s being stuffed down my throat, and that’s because my sister is a meddler.

Thirteen

Delaney

The one thing I haven’t been able to do in my career is sing. Not because the opportunities haven’t presented themselves, but because I can’t carry a tune. I’m the world’s best singer in the shower, my car and even when I’m home alone and no one is around to hear me. I’ve been known to belt out a song or two with my friends in the car, despite the volume always seeming to be turned up louder. If that’s a sign I shouldn’t, I always miss it because in my mind, I’m that great. Ask anyone of my friends and they’ll tell you otherwise. I’m tone deaf, a lyrical screecher with a voice so bad I can break a vase. Not literally, but it’s been implied.

The sheet music reads like a jumbled mess. I don’t remember a thing from choir and each time Mrs. Winters looks over at me, I smile and continue to make my mouth move. Thankfully, the fifth grader I’m standing next to sings like Pavarotti and he’s making me sound amazing. Honestly, I’m not sure why Mrs. Winters has me standing with the choir because I won’t be performing, at least, I hope that’s not her plan.

When her hands finally come to rest, I drop my sheet music and move back to the other side of the room while she speaks with the students. “Let’s close the risers and get into character. Ms. Du Luca is going to take over from here.”