Santa's Secret

“You sound like a grandma,” Laney says, and Holly laughs.

“He does sound like my grandma.”

“What do you say we go to my house and warm up by the fire?” Delaney suggests. I’m about to tell her we’ll take a rain check until Holly starts jumping up and down, clapping her hands.

“Daddy, can we please?” she clasps her hands together in a praying motion, juts out her bottom lip and bats her eyelashes which have the tiniest of snowflakes on them. This is my weakness and she knows it.

I look from Holly to Delaney, whose expression all but matches Holly’s and it hits me I can’t say no to either of them. However, I’m going to try. “I don’t know. It’s getting late, I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Du Luca are tired.”

“Fish, you know very well my parents aren’t leaving here until the last person has left for the night. Come on, it’ll be like old times.” Laney’s hand rests on my arm and the tingling from the other day is back with a vengeance.

“Old times, Daddy?” Holly asks. Her face is scrunched, a sure sign of confusion. I’m shocked that word hasn’t spread to my daughter about the time I dated her favorite movie star. Maybe I should’ve used this to my advantage the other day when she was yelling at me in the lunchroom at school.

My gaze diverts from Laney’s. She shrugs and smiles, sealing my fate. Even if I wanted to say no, I couldn’t. The fight on my hands wouldn’t be worth it. Not from Delaney or Holly.

“We’ll follow you over,” I tell Delaney.

“Yes! Can I ride with Delaney?” Holly asks.

“I don’t—”

“It’s fine,” Delaney says. “Calvin is an excellent driver. Nothing will happen to her, Fish. I promise.” Laney reaches for Holly’s hand and my instinct is to pull Holly away, but I don’t. My daughter’s hand rests in Delaney’s, both of their faces beam brightly with smiles as they start to walk away. I have no choice but to follow along, walking step-by-step with Calvin.

“You’ll learn to just give in,” he says.

I shake my head. “The newness of Delaney will wear off and Holly will move onto something else.”

“I wasn’t talking about Holly.” Calvin rushes to his black SUV, which sticks out in town like a sore thumb, leaving me there to ponder his words. He doesn’t wait for me to make up my mind about what I’m going to do, and pulls away from the curb with my daughter in the back of his car.

Almost in a full jog, I hurry to my car for no other reason than to follow behind. It’s not like I don’t know where the Du Lucas live or am afraid I might miss something. No, that’s not entirely true. I am afraid. I’m afraid I’m going to miss Holly laughing so hard tears will come out of her eyes. I’m scared to miss the memories she’s building tonight with Delaney and I won’t be able to remind her of them when she’s older because her mind is too young to remember. I’m nervous Holly will break something and feel like she’s in trouble if I’m not there to ease her mind. Most of all I’m anxious to spend time with Laney. It’s stupid, but since I pulled her over, I’ve been saying what if.

By the time I arrive at the Du Luca’s, everyone is already in the house. I knock before opening the door, much like I used to when I was coming over years ago. From the foyer, I can hear laughter and Christmas music. As quickly as I can, I take off my winter wear, kick off my boots and walk into the kitchen.

Delaney’s crouched down with her head in the cupboard and blindly handing Holly large mixing bowls and baking sheets. Laney doesn’t even look my way before heading to the pantry. She’s listing off the ingredients for what I’m assuming will be the best tasting cookies ever.

“Care for a drink?” Calvin asks as he steps next to me.

“What’re having?”

“Eggnog. Adult style.”

I glance at Holly and Delaney, realizing I’ll be here for a bit so a little adult beverage won’t hurt. “Sure.” I follow Calvin to the butler’s pantry and take my glass after he fills it part way. “You seem to know your way around the Du Luca’s.”

“Mr. D gave me a crash course and told me if I didn’t make myself at home, he’d have me arrested. I took his threat seriously when Dominic came over.”

I chuckle. “Dom is all talk, no bite.”

Calvin doesn’t seem to believe me, but that doesn’t surprise me. Calvin’s demeanor doesn’t seem to change much. I can’t tell if he’s enjoying his drink or not. “There should be a game on,” I say to him, figuring watching some sporting event might get him to open up.

He follows me into the den, where I flip on the television and change the sports channel to basketball. The score’s tied, and the announcers for the Celtics are going crazy with the back and forth between the Cs and Cavs. Growing up, I counted the days until the Celtics would vie for another championship. It was only after they traded for Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen things changed. Now, we’re on the cusp of greatness again.

I enjoy sports as much as any other guy, but since Heather’s passing, they’ve taken a backseat. There was a time when I’d meet up with my friends at the local pub to watch one of the many Boston teams play, but those days are long over. I didn’t think I missed it until now.

Calvin and I take turns yelling at the TV, throwing our hands up in the air and flopping back on the couch when a call doesn’t go our way.

“What’s all this noise?”

Calvin and I both turn our heads at the scolding voice of Delaney. Standing next to her, mimicking her stance is Holly. They’re both glaring at us, with their hands on their hips. Instantly, I’m taken back by the way Delaney and Holly look. If I didn’t know better, I’d say my wife and daughter were standing in front of me, and it knocks the breath out of me, because having those thoughts is wrong.