And it is too late.
“Is he dying?”
The doctor doesn’t say anything right away. For all I know, he’s searching for the right words to comfort me. He doesn’t know that I’ve been down this path before, only this time I’ll get to say good-bye. There isn’t a pedophile trying to steal my daughter causing me to run in the middle of the night. No, this time I’ll be holding my husband’s hand while he takes his last breath.
“We did everything we could, but there was just too much damage.” He reaches out and places his hand on my forearm in an attempt to comfort me. “You can see him and be with him until the end. Someone will be out shortly to take you to him.” With those final words he disappears down the hall, removing the paper cap that covers his hair.
I can’t even put into words what I’m feeling. I have an odd sense of calm, riddled with anxiety, and it hurts to breath. Tears are building up in my sockets, waiting for me to give the okay to let the floodgates open, but I can’t. I have to remain strong for Ray and for Chloe.
Chloe. No, Claire. What do I call my child now that the truth about our lives is out there? I had no time to explain before … before everything changed. My phone call to Cara, not Tucker, was cut short when Frannie walked into my house. Locking our doors had never been a precaution we had to take and we were about to pay the price.
Ray protected my daughter, sending her to her room as he calmly spoke to Frannie. Even with fear running through my body, I jumped when I heard Claire’s door slam and something be moved across the floor. She was blocking herself in because even she sensed the danger.
To my left and through the double doors is the waiting room where friends from the life I gave up sit and wait. If my luck continues, the police are there as well, waiting to take my statement. Rask’s last words remind me of what I’m supposed to say, but I don’t know if it’s believable. I don’t know if I believe it myself, but someone shot her from the outside and I really want to thank them, yet punch them at the same time because their bullet caused her to squeeze the trigger and shoot my husband.
“Ma’am, would you like to go see your husband?”
I nod at the portly nurse who offers a sweet, yet forced smile. “I need my daughter first.”
She seems to understand and steps in next to me, urging me to walk through the double doors. Each step seems to take an hour until I’m at the door and they’re being opened automatically for me. The nurse presses her hand against my back, guiding me to where everyone is waiting.
Ryley is the first to stand, and I immediately notice that she’s holding Claire’s hand. Flashbacks of images come to me as I remember how close they once were.
“Mommy,” she says as she runs toward with tears streaming down her face. I don’t know what she saw in the living room, but I hope to God Nate kept her face covered. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, baby, I am. Are you?” I ask, pushing her hair away from her face, my eyes doing a quick scan of her body to check she’s not hurt in any way.
“I was scared and I had to hang onto Nate while we climbed out my window, but he told me to not let go and said he wouldn’t drop me.”
I look up at Nate who looks a little embarrassed. As soon as my eyes meet Tucker’s, he goes and stands by his friend, patting him on the back. I’ll never be able to repay him, or any of the others for coming and saving us.
“No, Nate would never drop you. Neither would Tucker or Evan.”
Claire looks back and all the guys smile at her, all except for one—River. He’s staring straight ahead. I faintly remember him coming into my house, and if my husband hadn’t been injured I would’ve slapped him in the face. Why he’s even here, I have no idea. For all I know he faked his death, twice, to help his demented wife try to kill us all.
I pull Claire to me, cupping my hands over her cheeks. “Your dad is very hurt. I’m going to take you to see him now, okay?”
My words aren’t lost on her as her eyes well up with tears. Tucker moves toward me, but I shake my head. I don’t want him near me right now. I want to go be with my husband in his last moments, telling him how sorry I am and how much I love him.
With Claire’s hand in mine, we walk through the double doors while the nurse leads the way. Claire’s grip tightens when we pause at a nondescript door.
“Is my dad dying?”
I nod and let out the sob that has been building for hours. The tears no longer hold back and they rush down my face, soaking my skin immediately. Claire’s the brave one and pulls me into the room to where the man I love is lying on a bed with a tube coming out of his mouth. The nurse moves around us, bringing chairs over to his bedside.
“His heart is starting to slow down. It won’t be long,” she says as she looks at the machine. Claire lets go of my hand and moves to one side of the bed and picks up Ray’s hand.
“I’m so sorry, Dad,” she says to him. “I hope you know how much I love you even when you made me study history.”
I let out a strangle laugh and try to compose myself. How can my daughter have so much more composure than me? I’m supposed to be the strong one, yet she’s teaching me about grace and dignity.
Reaching for Ray’s hand, I sit down next to him. He’s cold and lifeless already. I bring his hand to my lips and press against it. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper against this skin repeatedly.
“Ray, if you can hear me please fight. Find strength in our love and fight to stay with us. We need you so much.”
“Yes, Daddy, please stay with me,” Claire says through her tears. I reach for her, our hands resting over the top of Ray, cocooning him with our love.
“I can’t do this without you, Ray. Please don’t leave me.”