Here With Me (The Archer Brothers 1)

I finish off my water and set the glass on the table beside the couch. My fingers linger on the wood. The table feels worn and old. The wood is rough and in need of refinishing. I imagine it’s from years of water stains and wet tissues being left there from the many sessions before mine.

That’s how my life feels right now, worn and old. The vibrancy I once knew is no longer there. I’m reduced to memories, hard stares and what if’s. I spend most of my time with my arms crossed, holding in my heart because I know it’s going to burst out of my chest any moment now. Bringing up these memories is painful.

I shake my head. “I tried, but I think when you’re sixteen and you’ve just been mesmerized by someone who, in your mind, is the epitome of a romance novel character, you become tongue-tied. I picked up the phone many times and pressed six of the seven digits needed, but could never press the last one. Each time I’d put my phone back on its cradle, held my head in my hands and chided myself for being stupid. He gave me his number. He wants me to call. That’s what I told myself over and over again.

“Before I knew it, it was dark, and I was still sitting on the edge of my bed with my pink phone laughing at me, the boxes in my room mocking me. My knees had been bent for so long they screamed in agony when I moved. I had chickened out and convinced myself that Evan was just a dream. That Evan Archer didn’t exist, even though my heart knew he did.

“The next day was my first day of school. I should’ve been excited, but I wasn’t. The only thing I wanted to do was get through my day, act like I didn’t exist and rush home to sit on my bed and try calling Evan. My plan was to call while he was still at school, wherever that was, and leave a message. That way I didn’t have to talk to anyone, especially his mom. I don’t know why, but the thought of asking for her son to come to the phone scared the ever-loving daylights out of me.

“Being the new kid in school was something I was used to. My mom’s job moved us a lot, so fitting in was a piece of cake. I knew the routine: keep your head held high, smile and never sit in the front of the class. That was actually the first thing I learned. You never want to come off as too eager to learn and be the teacher’s pet. My first class of the day was AP Honors English. I chose the fourth seat in the third row. I remember I had to look busy so as not to draw attention to myself, but I looked to my left when the seat next to me shifted.

“I was met with those ocean blue eyes and a smile that made me forget my name. Only it wasn’t Evan. It took me a moment to realize the similarities between Evan and Nate, but once I did, there wasn’t anything stopping my verbal vomit.”

“‘You look just like your brother.’” I blurted out the words with such embarrassment, but he didn’t care. His eyes shone with humor, and he laughed. I wasn’t sure what he found so funny because I felt like an idiot for saying what I did. Siblings often look like each other, but Evan and Nate were almost too similar. I was too wrapped up in Evan the night before to realize that they’re twins. They weren’t the first set of twins I’ve met, but Evan and Nate were different. They weren’t identical because you could tell them apart, but from a distance, you’d never know who was coming at you. Both are tall with dark hair and beautiful blue eyes, but when they were side by side, you could tell them apart. Evan has the most adorable dimples and Nate has a slightly crooked nose from breaking it during football. Where Evan has straight hair, Nate’s is wavy and the girls in school always loved his hair. Nate was always skinnier than Evan too, even though they worked out the same. Evan could put on muscle like he was taping it to himself. I know that upset Nate.

“‘We’re twins, and you just made the other me very happy.” Nate said this with such excitement. It dawned on me quickly that Evan was in this school with me, and that I’d see him.

“‘Why’s that?’” I hadn’t a clue what I was doing, but Nate seemed to appreciate that. He pulled out his cell phone and an instant wave of envy washed over me. I wanted a cell phone, but my father wouldn’t allow it. I thought for sure with us living off base and me attending a public school, he’d get me one. It didn’t matter how much I pouted, he said no each time.

“‘Evan has been pacing by the phone waiting for you to call. He’s going to be outside that door when the bell rings now that he knows you’re here.’” My eyes went instantly to the door and to the clock, back and forth until the big-hand was on the seven. I thought that I was going to burst out of my chair when the bell rang, but I didn’t. Somehow I moved with such precision and calmness that I was the last one out of the class.”

“Was Evan there waiting for you?” she asks with just as much excitement as Nate had that day in his voice.

“He was. When I walked out of the classroom he was standing across from me. His leg was bent with his foot pressed up against the locker. His hand was resting on his bent leg, his books resting on his thigh. He beckoned me with his finger, and I moved toward him as if he was pulling me by a string. I thought, ‘Wow, a real-life James Dean, and he wants to talk to me.’

“‘You didn’t call.’”

”’I chickened out.’”

I shake my head, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth. I sigh, remembering my first day of school. “I couldn’t believe I had just said that, but he didn’t care. His eyes were soft and welcoming. Evan was an easy one to read, a very open book. His hand sought out mine, his fingers weaving, locking us in place. He was holding my hand again, a thought that I couldn’t even begin to put into words.”

“‘Can I walk you to your next class?’”

“Did you let him?” she asks, almost too eager to hear our love story.

I stand and take my empty glass to the water cooler. Right now I feel brave enough to talk about Evan when we were in high school. I don’t want to talk about Evan and the past six years though. Those memories are painful. I fill my glass and walk back to the once royal blue couch and sit down. I tuck my legs up underneath me and rest my arm on the side. My fingers pick at the threads that have come loose.

“I did, every day until he graduated. He was seventeen when we met and starting his senior year.”

“When was your first date?”

“Technically that day. He asked me to stay after school until his football practice was over so he could walk me home. I was afraid my dad would be upset with a strange boy walking with me, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I’m a romantic at heart and believe in love at first sight. I was in love with Evan Archer, and if he asked me to jump off a bridge for him I probably would’ve d

one it.”

“That’s extreme, Ryley. Are you always that intense with your emotions?”

“It’s how he made me feel. The sun was brighter. The clouds were bigger. The birds even sang louder once I met him. I know not everyone has that experience, but I did. He was like my daily dose of life.”

“Interesting. Please continue with your first date.”

I nod. This lady doesn’t forget anything. “Our first date happened while he was walking me home. He kept apologizing for hitting me with the football and asked if he could make it up to me. I wasn’t going to tell him ‘no’ so we stopped at this little ice cream shop. He asked if he could order for me, and I told him that would be fine. I went and picked a table for us to sit. When he came to the table, he asked me to close my eyes. Of course, I did. What I didn’t expect was for him to feed me the first bite followed by our first kiss.

“Evan placed the spoon at my lips, and I opened my mouth. The chocolate and raspberry combination was heaven. I knew right away what he had chosen. But the best part was when he replaced the spoon with his lips. My cold lips met his…” my fingers run softly over my lower lip as I remember the feeling of him being there. “Do you know how people say certain emotions cause you to see fireworks?”

The therapist nods.

“I was the firework. I was the butterfly. I was every analogy you could think of. I didn’t see stars. I became the star. My first kiss was everything it was meant to be and more.”