“I forgot.”
“Yes, it’s okay to take Evan to your room.”
EJ pumps his fist in the air and yells out ‘awesome’ before he runs off into the house leaving Evan standing there.
“You comin’, Eban?” EJ yells, and I find myself laughing at the way he says Evan.
Evan turns and says, “Sure am,” before he turns back to me. “Thank you for this, Ryley. I’m not sure I’ll be able to express how much it means to me to be here with you, EJ and your mom and dad.”
I nod, biting my lower lip. I have to turn away, afraid that his gaze will make me cry. “You should hurry. His room is—“
“I know which one it is, Ry, I remember.”
With that, Evan walks into the house that we picked out together. Even though he hasn’t been here in six years, he hasn’t forgotten a thing. That thought alone makes me think about what he said when he was standing in front of me last week. He had pictures. Someone was making sure that the guys were kept up to date while we were all in mourning. Who would do something so horrible to us and why?
“How ya holding up?” My mom’s hands rest on my shoulders.
“I’m okay. Today’s been rough, but the therapist helped me realize that it’s not Evan’s fault and that I have a lot of very hard decisions to make.”
“Your father and I are very proud of you, and you know we’re here. Why don’t you go on upstairs and just watch them interact. It may make telling EJ just a bit easier if he’s comfortable around him.”
I heed her advice and make my way up to EJ’s room. The door is closed, but the laughter coming out of his room is heartwarming. I turn the knob and open the door slowly. My intent is to spy, but what I see just about does me in. EJ is in Evan’s arms and he’s telling EJ about each picture on the wall. Evan points with his freehand and describes what he was doing and how upset or happy his mom was with him at that particular time. This is really the only moment I’ve been given, or taken advantage of, to stop and stare at Evan. The memories haven’t done him justice, that’s for sure. His arms are more muscular, defined really, as he flexes to hold EJ. The tattoos that I had memorized, some that I watched him have done, are there, but less vibrant. His dark hair is buzzed making me miss the locks he had when he left.
Evan points out and names everyone in the photos, and even though EJ knows who they are, he allows Evan to do so. Seeing them together, it’s uncanny how much they’re alike. The only thing EJ doesn’t have is Evan’s dark hair.
They turn and find me standing there. Evan doesn’t look surprised at all making me wonder if he knew if I was standing here the whole time. He smiles the most adorable lopsided grin, highlighting his dimples.
“Isn’t your mom beautiful?” he says to EJ quietly, but loud enough for me to hear. I turn away, staring down at the ground as my cheeks heat up. It’s not that I haven’t had a compliment in a while, it’s just the way Evan says it. His voice has always turned my insides to goo.
“She’s pretty,” EJ says with a smile. Evan looks at him and grins before turning his gaze onto me. He winks and walks toward me. This is an image I’ve had on replay in my mind for years. This is how life should be. Not the life we’re leading right now, each of us on different sides of the fence with one wanting what he had when he left, and the other learning to move on. We’ve been dealt a shitty stack of cards.
“Well, I think you guys are both very handsome.” EJ nose scrunches up causing us to laugh.
“I don’t want to be handsome. I’m cute.”
Both Evan and I start to laugh which causes EJ to start as well.
“Is it dinner time?”
I nod. “I think so, but I thought the three of us could talk first.”
Evan nods and holds EJ a little tighter. “Where do we talk?”
I motion toward the door. “Downstairs. I know my parents are here, but they know everything and it might be easier for EJ to understand.”
“Okay,” he agrees and follows me as we make our way back downstairs. I sit first, and Evan sits down across from me. He reluctantly lets EJ go, but I ask EJ to sit down so we can have a talk.
With my hands folded and a frog resting in my throat, I look at Evan and EJ sitting side by side and know it’s now or never. Never can’t be an option.
“EJ, do you know who Evan is?” I start, unable to really comprehend what I’m saying or how I’m going to tell him.
He looks at Evan, shrugs and shakes his head.
“Do you know how your dad is away right now?”
He nods, still looking confused.
“Evan is your dad’s brother, but —”