He says “we’re” and I try not to show him that his words have any effect on me. After taking a sip, I set down my mug. “Lois and Carter will. They don’t live far.” He stiffens, and I’m sure it’s at the mention of Carter who is Nate’s best friend. Everything from now on will be nothing but awkwardness.
“They’re still together?”
I nod. “Yeah, they have a daughter, Grace. She’s a year younger than EJ.”
Evan chuckles and pours the rest of his coffee down the drain, running water to watch away the residue. “I’m sure Lois already has EJ marrying her daughter.”
“You know it,” I say, following his actions. “Did you go back to base?”
He turns, resting his hip against the sink. He smiles as his eyes rove over me. His hand comes up, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. The chills are instant and as much as I want to fight my response to him, I can’t.
“I needed to shower,” he says slowly and I’m reminded that he said he planned to play dirty. I look away, swallowing hard, only for his finger to slide under my chin to bring my face back to his. He leans forward, and I know he’s going to kiss me. I should move away, but I’m telling myself that he has a hold of my face, so I can’t.
Evan’s hand moves gently across my face, his fingers spreading wide as he holds the back of my neck in the palm of his hand. His lips are soft and move easily across mine. Everything about this kiss is familiar, yet so very new and unexpected. As much as I want to keep going, I can’t. When I pull away, his lips rest against my forehead as my hands clutch the waistband of his shorts.
“I’m not sorry,” he whispers against my skin. “As far as I’m concerned, we’re together. We didn’t break up unless you want to break up with m
e now.” He pulls back and looks at me with a glint in his eye.
My head shakes slowly as he kisses me again. “I love you, Ryley,” he says before leaving me standing in my kitchen, with my heart speeding after him. It would be so easy to fall back into a routine with him, and I wish that I could without consequences.
“Can we go dere?” I look out the window to see what EJ is talking about. We’ve stopped in traffic and set up not far off the road is a carnival, or maybe it’s a country fair.
“Not today, but we will when we get back.”
“Promtise?”
“Of course, I do,” I tell him as I look back at him riding in his seat. Evan insisted on driving in case EJ needed me. I think he secretly wanted to watch EJ in the rearview mirror because each time he fell asleep, Evan was slipping his hand into mine. I’m not fighting the affection. I know Evan needs it. I also know it’s wrong. I should keep my space because I’m engaged to another man whether he wants to accept it or not.
“Remember when we went to the fair?”
Yes! I want to scream at the top of my lungs. “Our second date,” I say, shyly, remembering exactly what our date entailed. That night, I saw just how romantic Evan could be.
“Do you remember the Ferris wheel?”
I try not to smile, but can’t help it. “I remember.” I stare at the Ferris wheel and feel slightly jealous of the kids up there, doing what Evan and I did. “You thought you were so smooth.”
Evan laughs, but keeps eye contact with me. “I was smooth. You had me on my toes. I had never met anyone like you. Every thought I had from the moment we met was about you.”
I hold his gaze, relishing in his admission. I’ll never be able to fully describe how he made me feel.
“I remember that day perfectly, Ry. I was holding your hand and said, ‘Do you want to go on some rides?’”
I shake my head, recalling that day all too well. “Those rides made me cringe. I looked at the large hunks of metal and thought how can those rides be safe? They take them down and put them back together so many times. ‘No, thanks.’ I said, but was screaming on the inside to get me out of there, take me to the cows, anything, except those rides. You put your arm around me and pulled me closer. I felt so safe walking through those crowds and when you stopped in front of the photo booth I had a mild panic attack.”
“Why?” he’s trying not to laugh, but I can see the glint in his eyes. He’s mischievous bringing up this day. I squint at him, letting him know that I see through him. His innocent act isn’t fooling me.
“Once you closed those ugly maroon curtains I blurted out ‘What are we doing?’ I wanted to bang my head against the wall for being so stupid. I completely sucked at the dating thing. Of course I knew what we were doing.”
“You didn’t suck, Ry.”
“No, that part came later, right?” I raise my eyebrows at him, earning a crude gesture in return.
“‘Well, for starters I’m going to sit you on my lap.’ That’s what I said to you, I believe. Your expression was full of questions until I pulled you right on top of me. I had to touch you so I slid my hand under your shirt. I remember your skin pebbling and I thought ‘damn, this girl is going to be the death of me.’ But when you leaned in, I knew you were feeling the same as I was.”
““Now, I’m going to kiss you.” That’s what you said. I was so eager I couldn’t wait, so I kissed you and I remember feeling you on my leg. Knowing that you were turned on didn’t scare me though.”
““And now we’re going to take pictures.” God, I was so cheesy. Why didn’t you go running for the hills?”