Livvie pauses mid-step. She sets her foot down and slides into a sitting position. “What’d you say?”
I sigh and lean back so we can make eye contact. “I know you’re angry with me and I don’t blame you, but I need you to hear me out before you walk inside that house. The other day I came home and Evan was there.”
She gasps and covers her mouth.
“He was walking toward me like he had done so many times before when he’d come back from deployment. Except as soon as she saw my face, he knew something was wrong. As far as he knew, we thought he was alive. He was getting care packages that were marked from me, from you and your mom. He had no idea we had buried him years ago.”
“You’re telling me that my brother, who we buried, is alive and in my house?” she points the house and I nod.
“With his son.”
“What?” her voice breaks. “You told EJ that Evan is his dad?”
“What was I supposed to do, Livvie? Tell Evan that since he died he doesn’t get to know his son? He died, we moved on. We all agreed that we’d let EJ call Nate dad because we didn’t want him to feel left out in school. Well, now look at us. Evan isn’t dead, Nate’s not home and EJ has no idea what the hell is going on!” I throw my hands up exasperated. It’s been a constant battle with her and Julianne. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. It doesn’t matter what I do, they’re never satisfied with the results.
The screen door opens and I know it’s Evan before Livvie realizes he’s standing there. “Hey, Tink,” he says from behind us. I look over my shoulder and smile. He’s standing there with his ball cap on backwards and his hands pushed into his pockets. This is the Evan that left us all those years ago. We’ve lost so much time and because of that lives have been damaged.
“Evan, is it really you?” Livvie asks as she stands on shaky legs. She climbs the few steps to where he’s standing and he pulls her into his arms. She’s crying into his shoulder and this makes me realize that this is the first emotion he’s received from any of us. The rest of us are too shocked by his return to let this side of us show. That is how my reunion should’ve been with him. Instead I threw myself a pity party and didn’t invite him.
“It’s me, Tink,” he says as he lets her go. “I’m sorry I missed your graduation,” she snorts and pushes into him.
“I’m sure you can make it up to me. My God, Evan, you… I can’t even say it. What happened?”
Evan takes Livvie’s hand and leads her back down the stairs. He sits next to me and motions for her to sit in front of him. Her eyes widen when he takes my hand in his. I glance at him to read his expression and from what I can gather, he doesn’t care what she thinks.
“Livvie, I’m in love Ryley and always have been, you know that. I didn’t die out there. I wasn’t captured or lost. I was working and the whole time I was out there, I thought my girl was waiting for me. So when I come home and she’s freaking yelling at me, I figure she hates me. Except that’s not the problem. Not only does she think I’m a ghost but she’s engaged to my brother. I didn’t give her away, Tink. I’m going to fight for her.”
“What about Nate? I’m not trying to pick sides here Ev, but Nate’s been there for her and EJ the whole time. EJ thinks Nate’s his dad and he’s a damn good dad. You can’t just take that away from him.”
“I won’t. I can’t do that to EJ. But I’m not going to stand by and lose my girl to him when I don’t deserve that.”
“That’s true, you don’t,” she mutters. Livvie takes a moment to look at her brother before she leans into him, resting her head on his knee. “I can’t believe you’re alive. Do you know many nights I cried for you? How many Mom did?”
He shakes his head while running his fingers through her hair. “I can’t imagine what you guys went through. Had I known, I would’ve tried to get word to you.”
I scoff at this statement because from what we’ve learned there was no way they were letting the fire team reach their families. Someone wanted these guys gone.
“What, you don’t think he would?” she asks incredulously.
“It’s not that, Tink. Believe me when I tell you this, Ryley isn’t upset that I’m alive, just confused, as we all are. Four of us were sent out on what was to be a routine pick up and they didn’t let us come back. Each time it was something else. The mission continued to grow until one day there’s a chopper to bring us back. We had no idea what
was going on when we got back to base. No one filled us in. There wasn’t an immediate debrief. We didn’t have any family waiting for us. We are just as much in the dark as you right now.”
“It just doesn’t seem fair,” Livvie says, wiping away a tear. “We’ve lost so much.”
Evan and I both nod as he brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing it gently. Livvie gasps just as my heart starts racing again and I hold my breath waiting to see what he does next.
This isn’t what our homecoming should be like. I shouldn’t be afraid each time he touches me. I should be holding on to him, clinging for dear life and not be afraid to admit that I miss him the second he moves away from me or walks out of the room. Each time he does leave my sight, I stop holding my breath and gasp for all the air I can get before he returns.
“Nate’s going to freak,” Livvie blurts out. Evan shrugs and I turn away, trying to pull my hand away. I’m in the most fucked-up situation ever and belong on one of those shows where they sit you in the middle and each guy rips you apart with a verbal attack on how you destroyed their lives. That’s what I deserve.
“I called and left a message for Nate to come home, or at least call me.” The words spew out before I have a chance to realize that Evan probably doesn’t care, evident by him stiffening next me. I notice his less-than-subtle attempt to release my hand, but I play his game and don’t allow it.
“What are you going to say to him?” Livvie asks the question I know is on Evan’s mind.
I shrug and look away from both of them. “It’s not going to matter what I say, everything will sound the same.”
“He’s going to be pissed,” she adds, trailing off.