“Stop, Evan, you’re going to crash the car.”
“Just admit it.”
“I won’t.”
Evan pulls into the parking lot and slams the car into park. He relaxes his hand allowing me to release my grip. “Admit it.”
I shake my head.
He slips his hand behind my neck and pulls me closer. “Admit it, Ry,” he says huskily making my palpations rise. I swallow hard and refuse to let him win.
Evan pulls me forward, crashing his lips to mine. Before, our kisses have been simple and sweet. This is the opposite. The moment his tongue touches mine, I’m transformed back in time. I’m sitting across from him in the ice cream shop. I’m next to him on the Ferris wheel. We’re lying on a bed of blankets looking at the stars. He’s in my room, slowly undressing himself and me before he lies next to me. We’re in the grass, with this hand on my stomach and he’s asking me to marry him.
My hands grip the back of his neck, my nails digging into his skin. He moans, and my body begs to be touched by him. I’m lifted out of my seat. My back is pressed against the steering wheel and I’m no longer a women in my thirties, but seventeen and horny. Willing and ready to get into the backseat just so I can feel my boyfriend inside of me.
“We have to stop,” I say against his lips, but make no effort to push myself away from him. He senses this and pulls me in deeper. Hands are everywhere. His. Mine. Skin is touched and burning with desire. His thumb brushes against the valley of my breasts and I lean in, aching for his touch, missing the way we were.
“God, Ryley, I fucking want you.”
My nails rake through his hair. I grind against him, feeling his bulge press between my legs. We’ve been here before, down this path. The end result is what I want, but I can’t have. He knows this. I know this.
I pull away slowly already missing the way my lips feel when he’s kissing them. His eyes are hooded and his breathing is labored. He’s at his tipping point. I carefully try to extract myself from his lap, but his hands clamp down on my hips.
“Don’t move,” he says as he rocks his hips into mine. My eyes roll back as I bite down on my lip and meet him with each thrust. “Tell me you don’t want me. Say the words, babe, and I’ll stop.”
I brace my hands against his shoulders, my lips against his neck. I trail kisses up until I reach his ear and gently pull his lobe in between my teeth. “I do want you, but I can’t. Please don’t pressure me to do something I’ll regret.”
MY BREATH QUICKENS WHEN she grazes my neck, her teeth pulling on my ear lobe. This is her telltale sign. I know her body more than she does. I unleashed the sex kitten that she is. I trained her, honed her. My hands grip her hips as I press into her. I don’t care that it’s broad daylight and we’re in a parking lot. She could easily slip off her shorts and straddle me. I want this woman. She’s the only one I’ve ever wanted.
But she stops me. She doesn’t tell me no. Ryley tells me that she wants me, but can’t have me. She asks me not to make her do something she’ll regret. It’s that word that makes me stop, but I don’t allow her to move. I want her to feel me. I need her to remember what it’s like for us, when we’re connected the way two lovers should be. I want her to know what she does to me with just her presence. This woman owns me: mind, body and soul.
I want her to cheat on Nate. I’m not ashamed to admit something like that. I want him to know that she’s mine. She always has been and always will be. The only time he’s stood a chance is when he thought I was dead. Simple fact is, I’ve been gone for six years and I miss my girl. I need to reconnect with her on every level and hate that I have to because of a decision that was made. I don’t want to respect her choice. I want to be that asshole that doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s feelings but my own, and right now those feelings are dictating my thinking ability.
“Ryley, if you don’t want me to take you right here, right now, please stop tugging on my ear.” I hate that I have to beg her stop. Any other time, and she’d be naked and writhing underneath me. I’ve never seen anything or anyone as sexy as Ryley when she’s sated.
She stills and tries to move away. I only asked her to stop, not leave my lap. I happen to like the feel of her pressed against me. It’s the worst kind of torture and pleasure wrapped into one.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers against my neck before she rests her head there. I don’t have a clue as to why she’d be sorry.
I wrap my arms around her and hold her to my chest. She sobs quietly while repeating how sorry she is. Maybe this is a breakthrough for her, or maybe I needed to remind her what we’re like together. It’s not that we just connect, we become one. From the first time we were together, we’ve been able to anticipate each other’s needs, wants and desires. Never has she had to question if she was doing something right or if I liked something. My body and my actions told her everything she needed to know.
“Please don’t be sorry.”
“But I am. I feel like I’m leading you on and that’s not my intent. I’ve missed you so much and I want to be with you, but I can’t.”
“You can, but not yet,” I remind her. We may not be able to be together right now, but our time will come. I have no doubt in my mind that she’ll tell Nate that she can’t be with him and choose me. I’m not willing to think of a different outcome. She’s all I know, all I want.
“You’re so confident.”
I flex, showing her how confident I am. She leans back, her eyes red-rimmed, and it breaks my heart. I bring my fingertips to her face, wiping away her tears. “I love you, Ryley. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, to win you back, to show you that you’re meant to be mine. And as much as I love having you sit on my lap, the guys are on the beach and we’re going to eat by the fire and hang out. I already set it up with your dad to watch EJ so we can just hang out with our friends.”
“I haven’t done one of these since the night before you left.”
“Not even with –“
She cuts me with a shake of her head, and I’m thankful. I never thought I’d cringe at saying his name, but I do. Aside from being b
rothers, we were best friends, unit mates. I could always count on him to be there when I needed him, and he felt the same way about me. At least that’s what I thought. But to hear that he never took her to the beach for a party or an outing sends waves of relief through me. This is still something she and I did, and he hasn’t tainted it.