“Now that everyone is set, we’ll announce the match-ups and rules. All rounds will be three-minutes in which you have to successfully knock your opponent off their feet and pin them on the ground for three seconds in order to move on to the next round.”
“Told you,” Millie whisper yells as she attempts to jab me, but is met with sumo plastic.
“You must win at least two matches to advance to the final round. Rounds one through four will be qualifying rounds. Round five, if necessary, will be a battle round used to determine who will be in the championship. Round six will be the final round and one husband and wife, not necessarily yours, will win. We wish you the best of luck. Up first are Amanda and Rebekah.”
We watch as Amanda and Rebekah roll into the ring. Gary and Bronx are there to help them stand. I pull on the rope to test its durability and lean into Josh.
“If you fall, roll to the rope and use it to stand up.”
He nods and pulls on the rope to test my theory. “Don’t fall,” he says, making it sound like it’s my intention to put my fat sumo self on the ground. I know I used to play with Weeble Wobbles when I was a toddler, but the idea of being an adult one doesn’t exactly appeal to me.
The bell dings and the only thing missing is a woman clad in a string bikini walking around holding up a sign announcing that it’s round 1. I’m kind of sad that she’s not here because that would make this display of human suffering all the more enjoyable. Patrick’s voice booms from the loud speaker telling Rebekah and Amanda to get ready. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Millie wobble over to me with a mischievous look on her face.
Millie leans into me, her sumo boob touching mine. In fact, as she tries to get closer, they rub together and I catch Josh looking at us with his eyebrow raised. I roll my eyes and earn a nod from him. “I heard Rebekah and Gary talking last night. They know each other,” she says a little too loudly because she can’t reach my ear.
“Interesting,” I reply as Amanda and Rebekah prepare to face off. Both Gary and Bronx are with their respective spouses, each taking a corner.
Amanda attempts to jump up and down, moving her head from side to side. Her feet barely leave the mat, but that doesn’t seem to bother her. She’s trying to intimidate Rebekah, but by looking at the latter’s face, it’s not working.
The bell dings again signaling it is time to fight and Amanda is full on trotting to Rebekah, but Rebekah sidesteps her and Amanda goes tumbling, bouncing off the mat.
“Ooh,” Cole exclaims as he claps.
“Come on, Amanda,” Gary shouts words of encouragement at her while he pulls on the ropes, jumping up and down.
Rebekah wastes no time falling onto Amanda, preventing her from getting up. Patrick starts his count of one, two, three and calls Amanda out by count. We’re not sure if we should clap or what, so we just stand here, thinking about our fate.
Don’t fall down, I repeat in my head over and over again. That seems to be the sure fire way to lose. And I don’t want to lose. I want to spend a couple of hours cuddled in Josh’s arms without any disturbance from the others.
Rebekah seems to stay on top of Amanda longer than what I’d deem necessary and it isn’t until Amanda lifts her head that Rebekah starts to roll off of her and out of the ring. Once she’s standing on the ground, she’s trying to pump her extremely fat arms into the air.
“Next up, Gary and Joshua.”
“Woohoo,” I cup my hands around my mouth and holler for Josh. I waddle over and help him into the ring and he takes me by surprise when he kisses me. I smile sheepishly and pray that he wins this battle, putting us one step closer to a night at the movies.
“Come on, babe,” I yell as the bell rings and he thunders toward Gary. By all accounts Josh could easily take down Gary, but when you’re ballooned out and covered in plastic it’s a bit hard to be yourself.
Millie and I laugh when the guys bounce off each other. Neither of them falls as they continue to grapple for some type of leverage.
“You know, this would be so much better if we were watching you ladies wrestle in oil.”
Millie and I both turn and glare at Bronx, who shrugs as if he hasn’t said anything to irritate us. I’m not stupid, I know men do that sort of thing, but come on we’re on national television.
“The viewers don’t want to see that,” I say. “They want to see you and Josh in Speedos while you roll in oil.” I don’t even look at him, not willing to take my eyes off Josh.
“He doesn’t love you,” he says low enough for only me to hear. My body stiffens, but I refuse to look away from Josh as he battles Gary for the win. Their match is lasting much longer than Rebekah and Amanda’s and is much more entertaining.
“You can ignore me and the thoughts going through your head, but you know it’s true. You know I wouldn’t lie to you. And I know you. I know you’re questioning what it’s going to be like when you walk out of here. Wondering whose car he’ll get into when the show’s over, yours or Jules’. She’ll be waiting, Joey. Just prepare yourself for when he chooses her.”
Bronx doesn’t wait for my reaction before he takes his fat sumo ass away from me. I bite the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from crying. He’s right, but I’m not willing to admit my thoughts to anyone. What I think about my future with Josh, or lack thereof, is my business. Right now, I’m a happy wife with an amazing husband and we’re going to win.
“Let’s go, Josh,” I yell a little louder as I pull on the ropes. That seems to encourage him because as the clock counts down, he’s energized. He lunges for Gary, knocking him down and falling on him at the same time. Patrick counts to three before announcing Josh as the winner.
I throw my chubby arms up in the air and try to dance a little gig, but my fat suit doesn’t even move.
Josh rolls out of the ring and tries to give me a hug. We bounce off each other a little and settle for handholding.
It’s round two and Millie and I are up against each other. I attempt to blow Josh a kiss with my oversized t-rex arms before heading toward the ring. Josh helps me in and I want to think the slapping sound I just heard is from him tapping me on the butt.