Still, just to see her naked, in my bed—that would help ease my desire.
Or make it burn stronger.
Most likely the latter.
We left the house.
I drove home quickly.
* * *
Lucy ran to greet us when we got home. Melanie looked tired, and I imagined she was. It had been a tough day for her. I knew I had to leave her alone. Let her go to bed and rest, despite the hard-on raging beneath my jeans.
She knelt down and gave Lucy a pet and a hug, and then she stood and let out a big yawn.
Yeah, I needed to leave her alone.
“Is there anything you need?” I asked.
She smiled, and though her eyes were tired, the green sparkled with gold flecks. “Only you.”
My pulse started beating rapidly, and my groin tightened even further.
She put her arms around my neck and looked into my eyes. “I feel better today than I have in a while, Jonah, and I’m not just talking about after being kidnapped. I mean I feel better than… I don’t know. Better than I have since Gina died.”
I smiled down at her. She’d used the words “since Gina died,” not “since Gina committed suicide.” I wanted to believe in her new theory, but I also feared she was seeing things that might not be there, hoping that perhaps Gina hadn’t killed herself and that she, Melanie, hadn’t missed the signs.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, but—”
She touched her fingers to my cheek. “I know what you’re going to say. But I don’t want to hear it right now, Jonah. I just want to bask in the fact that I’m feeling better. I’m looking at this whole situation from a different angle. I may be wrong, and I’ll deal with that if it turns out to be the case. But right now, let me feel good.”
“I want you to feel good. Can I help you with anything?”
She smiled again. “You can take me to your bed.”
No sweeter words… I picked her up in my arms and carried her like a child, not to her guest room, but to my bedroom. Yes, she did need her rest, but I was not strong enough to deny her when she was asking for me.
When we reached my bedroom, I walked through my small sitting area straight to my king-size bed. We had made love in this bed the day she had been taken. Again, unease crept up my spine. Was she ready for this?
But again, she was asking for it. For me. She would tell me to stop if it got to be too much. I would be gentle with her, as I had been, no matter what my libido wanted.
She wasn’t ready to experience me fully. But one day…
I had once believed she would succumb to my darkness.
What if she never could? Could I spend my life without giving in to my most base desires in the arms of the woman I loved?
And I did love her. I hadn’t yet said the words, even though she had said them to me. I was afraid. Afraid to divulge my full feelings and let myself become vulnerable…because eventually, when I told her the truth, she would leave me.
But would she?
Maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she would understand.
Whatever the eventual outcome, I didn’t need to think about it tonight. Tonight she needed me, wanted me. I would not disappoint her.
I set her gently on the bed. “You show me what you want tonight, Melanie. I want to go at your pace. I want to give you what you need.”
She smiled once more and touched my cheek, fingering my stubble. “I just want you. I want to feel you. I want to be with the man I love.”