I froze, my blood frosting in my veins. “I know my rights. I am able to keep practicing medicine until the medical board tells me I can’t.”
“You know the procedures as well as I do. Don’t make me suspend your privileges at this hospital.”
“Do you hear yourself, Miles? My patients need me. This isn’t right, and you know it.”
“This is a temporary situation.”
“You have no cause to ask this of me. I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Believe me, Melanie. It’s for your own good.”
“So is this the kind of man you are, Miles? Things get a little tough for you, and you roll over and play dead? What are you afraid of? That if you don’t kowtow to Cates, he’ll file a complaint against you?”
Miles reddened. Yes, I’d hit that nail right on the head.
I clenched my hands into fists. “I see how it is. Fine. I’ll close up my practice for a few weeks until you’re confident this has blown over. I’ll let my patients down. But I won’t forget this, Miles.” I stormed out of the conference room.
The walk back to my office took place in a blur. I was livid. When I reached the fourth floor, I tromped into the office.
“Randi? Take the next three weeks off.”
“Excuse me?” Her blond head popped up from her computer.
“You heard me. It seems the universe has decided I need to take a break for a few weeks. I need you to cancel all my appointments for the next three weeks. Don’t reschedule anything. We’ll call them all when I get back to the office.”
“But Dr. Carmichael, this isn’t like you—”
“Trust me, it wasn’t my idea.”
She paled. “All right. I’ll call everyone. What about this afternoon’s appointments?”
“Cancel them as well.” I stepped into my office and shut the door behind me.
What the hell? I hadn’t had a vacation in years. I had plenty of money saved up. Why not take a trip? I could use the time to finish writing my book about—
I let out a laugh—but not a laugh because anything was funny. A laugh from the sheer absurdity of it all. My work in progress was a book on preventing suicide in teens.
I hadn’t worked on it since Gina’s death. Though Gina hadn’t been a teen, she was still quite young. I had become numb. I hadn’t been able to touch my research and writing since then. I’d forced myself to continue working, but only because my current patients needed me.
And then Talon Steel had walked into my office and fainted dead away after our first session.
I’d found a new purpose in Talon. He had made such amazing progress in such a short time. Even though I had failed Gina, I began to think I still had something to offer, that I could still help people who had a dire need, who had been to hell and had come back kicking.
And even though the guilt from Gina’s death had never left me, working with Talon had lifted me out of the depths of sorrow, had given me a new aspiration.
If only I had let that lead me all the way out, all the way back to the light. But I hadn’t, and one night I’d made a phone call to Gina’s parents.
If only I could go back in time and not make that call.
I laughed again. I always counseled my patients against the “what ifs.” They served no purpose. All we could do was handle the situation we found ourselves in currently.
I sat down at my desk, cradling my head in my hands.
Now. This was now. Now was all I had, and I had to figure out how to deal with it.
I breathed in and out, willing the tears not to fall. I had made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. If only…
“God, stop it!” I said aloud. I stood, grabbing my purse, and walked out of my office, shutting the door and locking it behind me.